


Broken Crown

by Black_Naila



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Atsumu still cares, Birthday Party, Birthday Presents, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Comfort, Cunnilingus, Doggy Style, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fear, Feelings, Fighting, Fighting for love, First Sex, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Grief/Mourning, Hand Jobs, Heavy Petting, Hope, Jealousy, Kissing, Light Petting, Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, Osamu is a nice guy, Pain, Pregnancy?, Pro Volleyball Player Miya Atsumu, Reader is a victim, Relationship Problems, Rough Sex, Secrets, Sex on a Car, Sex on the Beach, Smut, Suffering, Table Sex, Teasing, Trust, Unhealthy Relationships, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Wedding Rings, Weddings, birthdaysex, dealing with death, push and pull, sex with strangers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:48:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 80,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24697081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Naila/pseuds/Black_Naila
Summary: You are used to your roommate's one night stands.You never thought you'd fall in love with one of them.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Reader
Comments: 40
Kudos: 184





	1. Chapter 1

The clear noises from your roommate's room are no less annoying in the morning than at night.  
You sigh and pour yourself a cup of coffee. It is an absolute mystery to you how such a clever girl like her is able to fuck around that much.  
You turn up the music and try to make a breakfast. Dancing, you stir in a pan,while you turn around your eyes meet the eyes of a blonde-colored guy who grins at you.   
He has laid a blanket loosely around his waist. You startle a little.  
"Good morning" you say a little shocked and support yourself at the table.  
"Good morning," he laughs. "Bathroom.....?“ You can't help but stare at him. Then you point towards the bathroom. "The second door"  
He thanks and disappears.  
You have to sit down. He's really cute..oh better hot.. the way he grinned at you was amazing. You have to smile automatically. The bathroom door opens again and he walks past you with a grin. "It smells good, maybe there will be something ,maybe something is over later." he says to you.  
"Yes, have fun," you reply.  
You hit your forehead with your hand. How stupid are you? ... „Have fun“ .... you are such an idiot, when it comes to communication.  
As you eat, you remember seeing the man before.

Than you know it. "This is Atsumu Miya ... you've seen him at parties from time to time. He's known for taking girls home and playing volleyball.... still, you never realized how cute he is....maybe because you're not interested in fast sex and don't signal it. You eat and tidy up the kitchen.  
After a while the room door opens again and your roommate Mayu comes out fully dressed. Atsumu follows her.  
"Good morning" she greets you.  
You mumble an answer. Then she comes to you and looks into the pots. "Do you have something to eat? Not for me I have to go to class, but Atsumu is hungry."  
You look at her in amazement and then nod slightly.   
"Excellent, you are the best!" she flutes and pours a coffee into the thermo mug. She signals Atsumu to sit down and introduces you briefly. Then she goes back to him.  
"Unfortunately I have no more time ... because ... you know ... but if you want to do it again, call me," she says and kisses him deeply.

You look at her a little panicked and pull her towards you. "I can't stay alone with him," you hiss at her.  
She covers your chin with his hand and whispers, "Stop worrying all the time, he's nice." Then she kisses you on the cheek and leaves.  
You stare after her almost stunned. The thought of being alone with him scares you and Mayu knows that.  
You turn to the stove and warm the food, then you turn back to him.   
"Would you like a coffee or something else?" you stammle.  
He gives you his most beautiful smile and nods "Coffee would be great ..."   
You hand him a cup with the steaming liquid. Then you lean against the kitchenette and pull the sleeves of your sweater uncertainly.  
Suddenly he looks at you. "I am Atsumu," he says, holding out a hand and smiling. You shake it and call him your name.  
"I know you from somewhere ..." he states. You nod and grin shyly while stirring in the pot. "Yes, we have seen each other from time to time at a party …"  
He nods. "Yes, it is possible ... although I think I would have noticed you." he explains with a wink.  
You nod and decide not to say anything about it. But you think it is very unlikely that someone like him, would have noticed, someone like you.  
The situation feels very uncomfortabl, you don´t like to be alone with a man.   
In your mind, you are already giving Mayu the lecture that her bed stories are her problem.

"You must be her roommate who is playing volleyball." says Atsumu out of nowhere.  
You take the pot off the stove and turn around. "I played it once." you say quietly and put the pot down for him.   
He raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Oh, your arms look very well trained, so I thought you were still doing it."  
You lean back against the kitchen and smile uncertainly. "I quit in the first year of university ... it turned out that the training and my ambition are not compatible with my studies," you explain quietly.  
You are uncomfortable talking about this chapter in your life. You pull the sleeves of your sweater again.  
"You can sit down," says Atsumu, grinning. "I've had enough, so I'm not going to attack you"  
You don't like his choice of words, but you take another coffee and sit down at his table.  
His eyes are piercing.  
"Are you going to University here? They have a strong team ... I heard it's not easy to be part of it."  
You nod "Yes, I'm unfortunately too ambitious and my other studies suffered as a result"

Atsumu grins. "Yes, the ambition is a well-known problem for me. I also play ... what position did you play?"  
You stare at him "Wing Spiker".  
He nods and fills food in a bowl. "I'm a setter ..."  
You snort. "They are mostly very self-confident people."  
Atsumu laughs. "This is true..."  
Now you have to smile too.  
"Ah, I see you can do it, I was afraid that it would not work ..." he says, chewing.  
You look at him in confusion.  
"Well, smiling" .. he says casually.  
You have to smile again, but this time more ashamed. He smiles gratefully back and it kind of relaxes you.  
"So now tell me what you're studying...“  
"History and English ... I might want to be a teacher later"  
Atsumu grins at you. "I would have been happy if I had had a pretty teacher like you …"  
Also his words are nice, this feels so uncomfortable, after all, he was in your roomate a short time ago. And now it's like he's flirting with you. You look shyly into your cup.   
"You're at the Black Jackels ..." you just say to distract from the topic. And this is a topic where he talks a lot and you do not have to say much.  
But still it is really a good conversation, you are absolutely interested in what life is like as a professional volleyball player. And you understand the problems he has, sometimes.  
You listen to him and can´t help but smile.   
"It's been my dream since elementary school," you say and is startled by your own words.  
He looks at you questioningly and grins.  
"But I choose the better way...." you add quickly.  
He grins and nods, he doesn't seem to believe your lie.  
" Oh, I see.."

You clear your throat. "How do you know Mayu?"  
At first he seems irritated, but then he seems to remember the name of his acquaintance  
He laughs embarrassed. "Sorry, I quickly forget names ... I met her in a bar."  
You already knew the answer, but it helped you to get away from the topic of your way of life.  
You nod, grin and sigh. "Yes, you two have a similar reputation, it was actually an inevitable fate that you would get to know each other."  
He laughs. "I didn't know her before, but if you say so, it will be true. Do you have breakfast with all her acquaintances?" he asks with a grin.  
You shake your head slowly. "No, that is the first time …"  
He leans back with a smile. "Then I can estimate incredibly happy"  
You look embarrassed on the table.  
"Though your boyfriend may not be so excited about having breakfast with strangers." he grins.  
You shake your head frantically. "I don´t have a boyfriend."  
He grins wider and raises his eyebrow, he tricked you.  
"Smart" you comment on his action with a smile.  
He looks at his watch and gets up.  
"I enjoyed the breakfast very much, you are smart and beautiful. You should change that with a boyfriend."  
You watch him wordlessly. If only it were all that simple ...

In the evening you learn from Mayu about the incredible qualities Atsumu has to offer. Strangely, you thought a lot about him, during your day.   
A strange guy, sleeps with your friend and then talks to you for 4 hours, about everything. Youve learnt a lot of his family, friends and his view of life. And you have to admit that you really enjoyed it.  
"Will you see him again?" you ask.  
Mayu shrugs. "I don't know ... but it would be worth it," she grins. You sigh and sit back.

Two days later, an angry Mayu throws the door shut.  
You curiously stick your head out of your room.  
"Everything okay?" you ask with concern.  
"That shitty bastard" she swears.  
"Who?" you ask in amazement.  
She looks at you stunned. "Imagine Atsumu Miya has no time to sleep with me tonight." she flings at you stunned.  
You frown.  
"Well maybe he has training … " you say.  
"Oh, nonsense! ... That's a lie ..." she snorts and drops onto the sofa. You sit uncertainly next to her. "Well....Do you like him?" you ask quietly.  
She looks at you in disbelief and pushes her hair away from her face. "No, he's an asshole ... but I like what his cock does with me ..." she explains and there are still a few bouts of scolding.  
When you lie in bed later that evening, you think about the situation.   
Is it really a stroke of fate for someone like Mayu, who is really so coveted, if she gets a "No"?  
Then you sigh.  
"Too bad I would have liked to have breakfast with him again ..." you whisper and close your eyes.

You had an absolutely shitty day at the university. You come home stressed, bring your things into your room and drop you on the bed.  
But it doesn´t feel right, you're a way too agitated to lie there.  
So you decide to go jogging.   
You get ready, put your headphones in your ears and start running.  
Maybe that's what you miss the most. Volleyball has always relaxed you. But now you are also satisfied with the running.   
You run along a river in which the setting sun is reflected. You run up the steps of a temple, your heart pumps and you feel so alive.  
You turn into a park and are thinking about what to eat later when suddenly a hand grabs your shoulder.  
Panicked you scream "No" turn around and slap the hand away from your shoulder. Your heart beats up to your neck and you are sure that it is not just from your run.  
"Hey, calm down, i´ts me, Atsumu" you hear through your music as Atsumu strokes your shoulder soothingly.  
With your eyes wide open in panic, you stare at him and gasp for air.  
"Sorry," you murmur, running your hands through your face. You are desperately trying to suppress tears. Atsumu leads you to a bench and hands you a water bottle from his backpack.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Atsumu says quietly when you calmed down again.  
You take a deep breath. "I'm very frightened. Sorry that everyone was staring at you"  
He caresses you lightly on the shoulder.  
"All right, do you still want water?"  
You shake your head and smile at him.  
"It's nice to see you again ..." you admit,immediately regrets the sentence. "Sorry that sounds strange."  
He smiles and shakes his head. "If I wouldn´t be happy to see you, I wouldn't have run after you. You're incredibly fast," he says with a laugh.  
You look at your shoes. "I had a shitty day ... maybe that made me so fast."  
He watches you from the side.  
"Are you hungry?" he asks you.   
You think and nod. "Somehow I am“  
He grins and gets up from the bench. "Come on, I know where we're going, it´s my treat"  
You look at him uncertainly. "I can't go somewhere to eat like that."   
He laughs and looks at you.  
"Of course you can ... you shouldn´t care what other people think ... but if it calms you down, it's my brother's restaurant, he won't kick you out."  
You look at him uncertainly. But the thought of spending time with him and talking again lets you consent to his suggestion.

When you enter the small restaurant you still feel uncomfortable, so sweaty and smelly.  
When you see Atsumu's brother you have to grin .He told you, that he have a brother, but he didn't say he has a twin.  
"This is my brother Osamu ... I told you about him." You nod and introduce yourself to him.  
"May I use the bathroom?" you ask hastily.  
Osamu nods and points towards the bathroom.  
You lean against the sink and look in the mirror. You look like a sweaty disaster. When you wash yourself, you wonder why it is so important to you to please him. You know he can't be your boyfriend and you can't give him the sex , which he probably wants from you. But you are able to talk to him ... and that feels so fulfilling.

"I give a shit on your opinion, Samu ..." you hear Atsumu's angry voice.  
Slowly you enter the restaurant again, as soon as he sees you he smiles.  
You put your hair behind your ear and smile back shyly.  
"Choose what you want to eat ... I'll pay for it ..." he says with a grin.  
"You never pay anything here ..." Osamu mumbles and waits for your order.  
When you have chosen, Atsumu leads you to a table in the corner.  
"Did you have an argument?" you ask and fear you might be the reason.  
Atsumu shakes his head. "No, my brother just likes to give me his opinion... But tell me about your day ..." he says and smiles at you.  
You look at him uncertainly but then you start talking. About your professor, who you think is an absolute sexist, the shit eating in your cafeteria and the feeling that everyone is always staring at you.  
Atsumu smiles at the last statement.  
It even causes him to change his relaxed posture. "Now I'm going to tell you something, you should give a shit on what other people think of you. And if they don't like you, that's just the way it is. In the end you will be the best, not them …"  
Now you have to laugh. " Once, I thought the same way."  
He raises his eyebrows in surprise. "So? Why did you change your point of view??"  
You stare at your hands and search for the right words.  
"It just didn't pay off"  
He is about to answer something when Osamu turns the corner with the food.  
"I would have got it too" you apologize.  
But Osamu smiles and shakes his head. "I like to clear everything up behind my brother," he says ironically.  
"As if," Atsumu snorts.  
You have to grin automatically.  
Atsumu puts food in his mouth. "You should smile more often ..."  
You clear your throat and put something in your mouth.  
"Mayu was really upset that you didn't visit her again." you tell him with a girn.  
He has to laugh too. "Yes, I noticed that ..."  
You look at your food.  
"I think she thought she was bad."  
Atsumu shakes his head almost ashamed.  
"No..."  
You look at him wordlessly.  
He tries to interpret your look.  
"Are you seriously waiting for an answer now?“  
You shake your head. "No, I was just thinking about people like Mayu probably not hearing a" No "very often. Degree when it comes to having sex with her. I guess that's similar to you."  
He eats and shouts to his brother and orders two beers.  
"How did you come to this?" he asks you and it is difficult for you to assess how he means the question.  
You shrug your shoulders.  
"... well ... you slept with two of my friends ... of which I know ... so I don't expect you to get a" no "often."... you smile and try to make it sound like you don't judge it.  
He seems to be thinking ...He keeps on telling you,that it doesn't matter what people think of him, but you have the feeling that he cares about it in this conversation.   
"I could hardly have told your roommate that I would only sleep with her because I hope to have breakfast with you again."  
Since you don't know what to say, you are incredibly glad that Osamu is just coming with the beer. Thankfully you take a big sip.  
"You could have said before, that you are thirsty," commented Osamu.  
You shake your head. "No, no, I just got thirsty when I saw the beer ..." you say and smile.  
He also has to laugh and when you look at Atsumu you see that he does too.

When you are finished eating, you sit back happily. "Now I'm feeling much better," you say contentedly and put your hands on your stomach.  
Atsumu laughs. "That was my plan ... and now that I've successfully conquered your trust ... would you give me your cell phone number? Then I don't have to scare you anymore while jogging."  
You smile "Give me your cell phone ..."   
When you type in your number, you sincerely hope that Atsumu will also accept your friendship. You get along well with him and you would be happy if he was a friend of yours.  
Triumphal, he rings your cell phone. "Now you have mine and you can call me in the middle of the night."  
You grin a little funny at him. "While you're lying on one of my friends?"  
He grins at you as well. "Yeah, but maybe I'm lying on you and you don't have to call me ..." he takes a sip of his beer and provocatively raises his eyebrows.  
A good move on his part. He totally unsettled you. Unsure you take a sip of beer ... "I don't think I'm such a girl" you stammer.  
He laughs. "Hey I didn't mean to unsettle you and I'm not lying on you tonight ... I just want to tell you that I like you … so relax...."  
You nod but you don't have the heart to tell him that you can only be friends. So you smile.

As you leave the restaurant it's almost dark outside. You walk in front of Atsumu and he carefully strokes your back with his hand.  
"I'll take you home," he says, and you're grateful for this offer, you hate going somewhere alone, especially when it's dark.  
When you walk silently side by side, you look at him from the cornor of your eye.  
You assessed him so differently. Even if he's still complacent and arogant in a way. He is also an incredibly good listener and tells you things that help you to believe more in yourself.  
The last sunlight breaks through the trees as Atsumu sighs deeply. You stop and look at him.  
"Everything okay?" you ask him.  
He shakes his head.  
"I've felt like I'm missing something since I left my brother's shed." he explains.  
You look at him questioningly.  
"What?"  
His usual grin appears on his face, then he strokes your hair from your face. He looks at you and his look makes you nervous.  
He presses you against him lightly and his lips press against yours.  
It is an incredible feeling, it feels like you could fly. You put your hands around his neck and open your mouth.Your tongues are dancing and your teeth are clenching. He makes your belly dance, you don´t have words to discribe this feeling.  
His hand slides down your back to your butt. This is the moment you wake up again. You grab his hand and loosen your lips from Atsumus.  
"I can't ..." you whisper out of breath,pushing him away.


	2. Chapter 2

Atsumu looks at you skeptically.  
"What you can not?" he asks quietly.  
You put your hands over your mouth. Your lips are still burning from the kiss ....and of the desire.  
"I can't sleep with you ..." you say and it sounds almost desperate.  
Atsumu's eyes try to read your face.  
"But I didn't want to sleep with you at the moment ... I just wanted to kiss you ..."  
You shake your head. "I don't want to kiss you either"  
This is a lie and when you look at him you know he knows.  
Then he shrugs.  
"It didn't feel that way, but if you say so …"

You shrug your shoulders.  
"What's going on in your mind?" Atsumu's voice sounds a little annoyed.  
"Nothing ... I just want to be friends with you ..." you say almost snappily.  
Atsumu smiles at you almost mockingly. As you suspected, he is not used to get a "no".  
Then he laughs softly. "Well, then we're friends ..:" he finally says and you look at him incredulously.  
"Really?"  
He shrugs. "I have no other choice ... and I like you ... you are interesting ... different ... not like the other girls ... it has been a while since I met someone with whom I was like to talk ... and I want to keep doing it ... so we're friends "  
You look at him blankly, you don't have the right words, so you just nod.

Later you lie in your bed and think about the evening. You run your fingertips over your lips. It's been a long time since someone kissed you like that.

You sigh deeply as your cell phone vibrates.

Atsumu:  
I'm sorry I was so pissed off earlier. You are right, I am not used to "no".  
We design this "relationship" the way you want it.  
Nevertheless, the kiss was great.

"Yes, the kiss was great" you murmur to yourself and put the cell phone away, a night of restless sleep follows.

The next few days are terrible. You suffer and don't really know why.  
You write daily, actually continuously with Atsumu. You actually always know what he is doing, where he is and how he is doing.  
It is Friday evening and you are sitting on the couch in the living room. Mayu comes through the apartment door and hands you your mail. Then she sighs. "Aren't you going to finally tell me what's going on?"  
You look at her and sigh. At some point you have to have this conversation so what are you waiting for?  
You point to the place next to you. Mayu sits down and looks almost excited.  
You sigh and look at her.  
"I kissed a boy"  
An incredibly big laugh appears on her face.  
"It's so exciting, I've never heard you say that before"  
You look at her in silence. "You should know who it was before you freaked out ..."  
She nods violently and looks at you expectantly.  
"It was Atsumu"

As expected the smile leaves her face.  
You try to read in her face whether she is shocked, hurt or overwhelmed.  
She takes your hands.  
"I don't want to sound jealous because I'm not. But Atsumu Miya doesn't kiss girls because he likes them, he kisses them because he wants in her panties."  
You take your hands away. "I know ... it was just a mistake ... I've already told him that I only want to be friends with him." you explain to her energetically.  
She cocks her head slightly and sighs. "I would like to believe you, but the way you've been hanging around here the last few days doesn't make it look like you're happy with the situation."  
You shake your head slightly. "I'm not either, but it's better that way ..."  
Mayu nods and takes you in her arms. "I'd say okay to anyone else, but when Atsumu hears that you're a virgin, it's like Christmas for him." Mayu explains and kisses your head.  
You shrug your shoulders and hug her.

"You should put on some fancy clothes, I'll take you to a party ..." says Mayu finally.  
You shake your head again, but then you let yourself be persuaded.  
You stand in front of the mirror in your bedroom and look at yourself.  
Then you sigh deeply. "A virgin ... if it were just that ..." you whisper softly.  
You open your closet. You decide to make yourself as beautiful as possible. To drive away that filthy feeling of making yourself beautiful.  
You choose tight-fitting jeans, a top that flatters your shoulders and your highest heels.  
You tie your hair aside in a bun.

When you come out of your room, Mayu is already waiting for you. She raises her eyebrow and whistles. "Wow ... what about your motto: just don't stand out?" she asks in surprise.  
"I need this for myself ..." you say decisively and put on your jacket.

The party is quite good and since you decided to get drunk, you are also very communicative. You even flirt a bit.  
You're just getting a new beer when you notice your cell phone vibrating.

Atsumu:  
"What you are doing?"

You smile when you see his name. Put your beer under your arm and answer:

"I get drunk at a party and you?"

You don't have to wait long for the answer.

Atsumu:  
"The same"

You are grinning and wanting to answer again, when someone holds a shot glass under your nose.  
"Then we should do it the right way .." you hear Atsumus voice next to you.  
You laugh at him and hug him happily.  
"You're here too ..." you exclaim enthusiastically.  
"Seems so ... but I didn't recognize you at all. And as a friend I tell you ... Wow ..." he smiles and hands you a shot glass.  
He strokes your back lightly.  
"You are almost as tall as me ..." he says in fascination.  
You grin and point to the shoes. "The shoes take care of that ..."  
Atsumu looks at your shoes and nods. "But you're generally quite tall ... I just never noticed that"  
You laugh, raise your glass and swallow the contents.  
"I played volleyball, you know it's a sport for the big girls."  
He laughs and then grins again. "You're right."  
He just can't take his eyes off you. Something what actually always feels uncomfortable you, but the alcohol ensures that you enjoy it.  
You lean over to him and hold up your empty shot glass. "We definitely need another one"

Since you both found each other, there is only one for you.  
You don't want to talk to anyone else, and with great benevolence you notice that Atsumu doesn't look at another woman.  
After a while you sit down on a bench in the garden. You sit back and look at the starry sky.  
"I'm really drunk ... I should call a taxi soon to take me home." you say laughing.  
Atsumu raises an eyebrow.  
"A taxi? You don't live that far ..."  
You look at your hands.  
"When it is dark, I never go alone ... and Mayu has no intention of accompanying me, I assume."  
He nods. "Yes I understand, I'll bring you then ..." he says.  
You shake your head and laugh.  
"No, you're sure to be here to take a girl home for fun ..." you laugh.  
He laughs and looks at you. "You're right, that was my real plan. But I'm just enjoying talking to you …so I don´t need someone else"

You hold his gaze and brush his blond hair from his forehead. Everything appears so simple through the alcohol veil. You get up and sit on his lap.  
"What you are doing?" Atsumu whispers in surprise. You stroke his hair from his face again.  
"I just want look at you," you whisper.  
You stroke his cheek and then you kiss him. Gently and slowy.

It just feels too good.  
He slowly opens his eyes and looks at you.  
You take a deep breath and press your lips more stormily on his.  
Allows his tongue to play with yours, you taste the schots he drank on his tongue and pull your teeth lightly on his lower lip.  
Again and again you take breaks just to look at each other.  
You put your hands lightly around his neck and press your breasts against his upper body.  
His hands gently caress your back.  
You have to laugh, while kissing him.  
"What?" Atsumu asks, just a millimeter from your lips.  
"I´m kissing you ..." you whisper.  
He grins and puts a light kiss on your lips.  
"And? Do you like it?" he asks.  
"I could do it forever" you say almost moaning and pull him back to you.  
You take a deep breathe, detach yourself from him and sit breathing heavily on his lap.  
"But I have to go now ... besides, I think it's an obstacle for you if we kiss here ..."  
A dark laugh rumbles in his chest.  
"Do you honestly think I want to kiss another girl tonight?"  
You take his face in both hands.  
"But I can't sleep with you ..." you whisper.  
"Then you should kiss me a little bit longer..." he whispers and pulls your lips back und his.

When its time to go home, you try to get up. Unfortunately, you are a bit shaky on your feet.  
He grabs your hand and looks at you.  
You pull him up and grin at him.  
"Do you want to come home with me?" you ask him grinning.  
He looks at you questioningly and then kisses you with a grin.  
You walk hand in hand down the street. You keep stopping to kiss each other. He only touches you where you allow it and gives you the feeling of being the most beautiful woman in the world.  
When you walk past a lantern, you hold on to it and turn on the latern.  
When you have enough swing you cling to the lantern with your legs.  
Atsumu laughs. "What's wrong with you?"  
You laugh as you hang upside down on the lantern. "I feel like before ..." you laugh.  
Atsumu comes to you, kneels and kisses you.  
"I think there is so much to learn about you ..."  
You cling to him and he pulls you up again.  
"Okay, I see...I have to practice that," you admit and he laughs.

When you stand on you feed agaian, you are looking at Atsumu and takes his hand.  
"Is it really okay if we don't have sex?" you ask uncertainly.  
Atsumu nods.  
"Would you like to have sex with me?" you ask curiously.  
Atsumu laughs darkly and kisses you.  
You gently push it away. "Hey, that wasn't an answer to my question."  
He nods. "Of course I want to ... look at you ... and listen to yourself ... you are absolutely desirable."  
You kiss him, you definitely need more alcohol to hold the veil, you dont want it to end.

When you unlock the front door you are strangely nervous. You have never brought a man here, although Atsumu has been here before.  
"Do you want to drink something?" you ask and hand him a beer at the same time.  
He laughs and takes it.  
You drop down next to him and look at him.  
He strokes a strand of your hair from your face.  
"You are really beautiful ..." he says and strokes your lip with your thumb.  
You simle and turn away.  
"No, I don't think so ... I don't like that much of me. My shoulders for example, are way too wide." You point your shoulders with your fingertips to underline what you mean.

Atsumu looks at you and nods. "You can just see that you've been doing sport and I think you have a tough serve."  
You nod your head euphorically.  
"Oh, you have no idea. Even in my first year of middle school I was already used as a pinch server. The feeling of a service ace is incredible because you did it all by yourself."  
You look at him with big eyes.  
"And having a good setter in the team is unfortunately not a matter of course, they are usually so convinced of themselves that it is difficult to convince them of something else." Then you laugh.  
"But that wasn't bad for my team, they had me"  
You put your hand over your mouth and look at him. Atsumu has leaned his head on his arm and is listening to you.  
"I'm sorry for what I said about setter ... and I think I sounded very arogant myself."  
He grins, kisses you and pulls you onto his lap.  
"I think it´s incredibly sexy ... and what you said about setters is true ... I also assume that only idiots can't hit my balls," he says and kisses you while you rolling your eyes.  
He takes your hands in his and looks at them before his eyes start searching for yours again.  
"Honestly, why did you stop playing volleyball? The way you talk about it, you would have always preferred volleyball to your studies." he says in a serious voice.  
You smile a little sadly as you watch his fingers play with yours.  
"It was time to stop ... maybe I wasn't good enough … At some point I couldn't keep up with the others anymore" you say.  
He looks at you questioningly.  
"The topic hurts you, doesn't it?"  
You nod  
He kisses your hands and then wanders up to your lips. „I won´t do something what hurts you.“

You smile and stroke his hair. Then you release his hands and pull your top over your head.  
"If you say so, would you kiss my neck a bit?" you ask almost shyly.  
You automatically try to cover your shoulders with your hands. Atsumu laughs and puts your arms around his shoulders  
"You are incredibly beautiful," he whispers before starting to place little kisses on your neck.  
Groaning, you put your hand on the back of his neck as he starts sucking in your skin.  
Smiling he kisses your cheek and your lips.  
The alcohol in your blood makes you brave. You bring his head down to your breasts, where he starts looking for your nipples over the fabric of your bra with his lips.  
You moan when he found them, you notice how you automatically start moving on his lap.  
You look at him panting. "Hey Atsumu ..." his eyes are curiously looking for yours.  
"I'm not naked enough …"  
You feel like he's moaning, he's brushing your hair out of your face and kisses you stronger.  
"Are you sure?"   
You nod and take him by the hand and go to your room.  
When you enter your room, you go ahead and push some clothes into the corner.  
Atsumu looks around with interest.  
If you had known before that you were taking a man home, you would have cleaned up.  
"Sorry," you murmur. Atsumu looks at you questioningly.  
"I didn't clean .."  
Atsumu snorts. "Do you think it looks better in my place?"  
You shrug your shoulders and laugh softly.  
He takes one of your picture frames and looks at it.  
"National champion?" he asks.  
You nod and he also nods approvingly.  
You open the buttons of your pants. "But are you really here to speak about my photos?"

His eyes go to you and he approaches you.  
His lips are looking for yours again and his hands are helping you to open your pants. When it falls to the floor, you push it away with your foot.  
He looks at you uncertainly, you try to interpret his gaze.  
You grab the hem of his shirt with your hands and pull it over his head.  
You grin.  
He catches your eye and laughs. "Do you like it?"  
You feel caught, grins and nods. He takes your chin in his hand and kisses you again.  
As you slowly unbutton his pants, he kisses a trail along your neck.  
"You are the first man I take into this bed ..." you whisper.  
He takes a quick look at the bed. "Why is it new?" he asks in passing.  
You ignore his ridiculous question and kiss him again. Atsumu wearing only his underpants is a sight that takes your breath away.  
You pull him on the bed and over you. His hands running up your thighs.  
You reach back to open your bra and let it slide over your arms.  
Atsumu looks at you first and then at your breasts. You are breathing heavily, with excitement and uncertainty about what to do now.  
He understands and slowly moves the back of his hands over your bare breasts, while his eyes do not deviate from yours.  
Gasping, you kiss him and his grip on your breasts becomes stronger.  
Your hands run over his back and you can feel every muscle under your fingertips.  
He looks at you breathing heavily.  
"Should I kiss you?" he asks in a husky voice.  
You grin and pull him back to you and kiss him. "You are already kissing me …"  
"I don't mean those lips ..." he says softly and pulls on the hem of your panties.  
You get a little nervous about his request. But it's just about his lips and his mouths.

You are breathing hard. Atsumu strokes your face and pulls you out of your thoughts.  
"We don't have to do that," he whispers. "It's just a suggestion ... I can make you feel so good … but its still enough to kiss you...and touch you"  
You still look at him wordlessly. Even though you can see the excitement in his eyes, you can see that he is serious.  
You curiously run your hand over his stomach and stop before his crotch.  
"You can touch me, if you want .." Atsumu whispers and kisses you encouragingly.  
You take a deep breath. Then you run your fingertips softly over the hard bulge in his shorts.  
When you touch him, Atsumu draws in his breath sharply. "That is what you do with me ..."

While you touch him, you think about his suggestion. It's just his lips and mouth ... Mayu says it feels incredible ... and he doesn't hurt you. You take a deep breath.  
"Atsumu, please kiss me there"  
He exhales through his nose and opens his eyes.  
Then he kisses you and grins.   
When your back touches the mattress, he gently spreads your legs and sits between them.  
You pull him down to you and kiss him again. You put your legs lightly around his waist.  
A groan escapes from his throat and he starts rubbing lightly on you. Through your panities you notice his hard cock on your pussy. It feels really exciting.  
His lips separate from yours and kiss your neck, collarbone and breasts. When his tongue runs lightly over your nipples, you draw in the air. He sucks on it, while his eyes still watch you.  
Then he continues to kiss his way down, over your navel to your panties. He slowly pulls the fabric off your body and exposes the skin underneath.  
Slowly he kisses your the skin around your vagina. You notice how he pulls your labia apart with his fingers and exposes your clitoris.  
You take a deep breath which turns into a moan as he runs his tounge over it.  
When he starts sucking it, you stretch out your pelvis at him with a low moan.  
You notice how his hands on your thighs push you down gently as he continues to press his lips into your crotch.  
You even manage to relax a little.  
It really feels incredibly good. Groaning, you stroke his hair and hold on to his blonde tips. You moan with lust, something you've never done before.  
You notice how he slowly shoves his fingers down to your entrance, you are so in your desire that you just realize it, when he shoves his fingers into you.  
You automatically get tense again. Atsumu notices it and pulls his fingers out of you immediately and sucks your clitoris instead.  
You are no longer able to relax, you notice how you could cry.  
How can something feel so good and at the same time you're so afraid of it?

You tap Atsumu on the head, he immediately looks for you.  
"Kiss me now" you whisper and he comes to you grinning. You taste yourself on his lips.  
You stroke his cheek. "Can you hug me a little until I fell asleep?"  
He nods. "Shouldn't I end this?"  
You shake your head. "No it was great. If it's okay, just hug me"  
Atsumu eyes you. "Everything okay?"  
You're smiling. "Strangely, a lot of things are more okay, since you've been here."  
He smiles at you and kisses you.

„She was a fucking virgin!“ this sentence pulls you out of sleep. You reach beside you, but Atsumu is not there, but the bed is still warm.  
You identify the voice as Mayus. You throw the blanket over your naked skin and go to the living room as quickly as possible.  
In the living room, Atsumu stands in a defensive posture, while Mayu insults him.  
You clasp the blanket that covers your naked body.  
"Mayu, he didn't know ... I didn't tell him. Nothing happened either." you break through the argument  
Mayu looks at you with a snort. „It doesn´t look like nothing has happened."  
You look at her incredulously.  
"I am a grown up woman ..." you notice tears welling up in your eyes.  
".... I accept your way of life, even if I don't think it's right. And once I did something outside my comfort zone and now I have to justify myself here."  
She comes to you and strokes your face.  
"He slept with half your university ... do you think he's really the right one for such things?"  
You pull your cheek away and look at Atsumu. He stares at the coffee table and you are pretty sure that what Mayu says is true.  
"And I have a damage, maybe you know that Im a really broken person and he has to deal with it,too. Thank you for your concern, but I'm getting along." you glare at Mayu.

You go back to your room and Atsumu follows you.  
He sits on the bed and strokes his face.  
You stand uncertainly in the corner and clasp your blanket.  
He sighs. "It's the first time someone has told me so openly that I'm a male slut."  
You pull the blanket closer around your body.  
"Mayu is very impulsive ... and she thinks she has to protect me ... I'm sorry"  
You sit on the bed next to him.  
"What can I do for you?" you ask quietly.  
He looks at you and strokes your hair from your face. „Can I hug you for a while?"  
You slide on the bed and open your blanket. He slides to you and puts his arm around you.  
You rest your head uncertainly on his arm.

"Why didn´t you say anything?" he asks quietly.  
".... is that something you boast about? Almost mid-20s and Virgin? .... Besides, that's not true ... I just don't have much experience"you say quietly and hope that he is satisfied with this answer.  
He kisses your forehead. "Last night was the most satisfying thing I've done in a long time, even though I only touched you. You are special."  
You take his hand and kiss it. He touches your chin and kisses you.  
"Still, I don't think that's a good idea anymore ... I don't think I can make you happy ..."  
You watch him get dressed, you can't hold back your tears anymore, he gives you one last smile as he leaves. Then he closes the door and he is gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody,  
> I'm looking for someone who proofread my stories.  
> It would be great if your mother tongue is English - because it's not mine;)  
> It would be nice if you read quickly;)  
> Unfortunately, I can't offer you much.  
> Except that you read the next chapter before everyone else, a little small talk, and of course that I can translate something into my mother tongue if you need it.  
> And you are always welcome to give me your honest feedback, before I´ll post the story.  
> If you are interested, please write to me.  
> black_naila@gmx.net

It is more than clear to you that this is all Mayus fault. You haven't talked to her in three weeks. Whenever it´s possible, you avoid her.  
This is followed by apologies on the breakfast table, apology messages on your cell phone, on the bathroom mirror and on the toilet paper.  
You know that she is sorry. But you haven't heard from Atsumu since then, that makes your heart some kind of sad and evil, although you know that it may be better that way than burdening him with your life circumstances. 

You lie on your bed and mentally prepare to meet your study group on a Friday evening. You are staring at your cell phone. Again, you're considering writing Atsumu just to ask how he's doing, but in the end you know that its better this way.  
With a sigh you pack your cell phone in your pocket and leave the house.  
When you arrive, the others are already waiting for you. "Sorry" you whisper out of breath.  
You take look around and recognize the restaurant where you are.  
"Oh no ..." you whisper, and immediately your friend turns to you. "You will see that it is the best onigiri you have ever taste."  
You nod "Yes, I've been here before." you say and follow the others.  
When you see Osamu, you smile at him and greet politely.  
He greets back and then you can read it on his face as he remembers you.  
"It's you," he says, and sounds almost surprised.  
He can be, you wouldn't have come here voluntarily, in his eyes you are able to see that he wants to talk to you.  
So you just nod and keep going as fast as you can.

You sit down on the seat as far as possible on the wall, so that you have little opportunity to get something from the counter. It works our quiete well, your friends take care to get the food and you don´t need to talk to more ore less strangers, about things you don´t understand yourself.  
Unfortunately, as always, your tiny bladder takes care that you need to go to the toilett. You wait for the right moment where Osamu appears busy and apologize to the bathroom.

Like before you try to leave the bathroom as inconspicuously as possible.  
You are just stepping out the door as you flinch.  
"Can I talk to you for 2 minutes?" Osamu's voice is behind you, like he was waiting for you.  
Slowly you turn around and try to smile. "Of course, what can I do for you?" you try to sound as calm as possible  
It's hard for you to look at him, even if it just reminds you of Atsumu.  
Osamu hands you a key. "This is the key to our apartment. My brother has been lying on his bed for weeks and feels sorry for himself. I would be very grateful if you would change this." he says and wants to go.  
You look hat the key and need a few secounds until you realize what he said.  
"Hey! Wait! I don't even know where he lives. And how do you think I could change anything there? I don´t really know him" you ask something overwhelmed.  
He sighs and writes something on a napkin.  
"Yeah, I thought so, too....but for some reason he cares about you ..." says Osamu and hands you the napkin.  
"And there is a lot to say about Atsumu, but he usually doesn't care about other people, so yes I think you are able to change it...." He grins at you and goes back to work.  
Slowly you go back to your seat and ask yourself what you should do now. Your eyes go to Osamu again and again. He thinks it is a bit too easy. But you can´t stand the feeling that Atsumu is doing badly.  
That's why you put on your jacket. Your friends' looks are questioning. "A friend needs my help. And I should have a look there. Sorry." Without waiting for an answer, you leave as fast as you can, so that your bad knowledge doesn't crush you.  
From the corner of your eye you can see Osamu grinning at you as you leave the shop.

You stand excited in front of the house, which belongs to the address on the napkin.  
First you decide to ring the bell. After 5 minutes and 3 rings and no answer, you use the key.  
You find yourself in a living room and clearly see that women and men live differently.  
Unsure what to do you stand there and try to make figure out, where Atsumus room is.  
There a voices you identify as TV sound behind a door.  
Slowly you open the door. Atsumu is lying on his bed staring on the screen of his tablet.  
You lean in the door frame. It calms you down, that he looks like you when you have a bad day.  
"And you left me alone, to do that? To lie on your bed alone on Friday evening?" you say dryly and cross your arms.  
Atsumu is terrified, but as he sees you a big smile appears on his face.  
But then his expression turns serious again.  
"What are you doing here?" his voice is a mix of curiosity and indifference.

But,yes that's a good question, what do you actually want here? You ask yourself.  
You take look around and walk a few steps towards the bed. You take a seat on an armchair next to the bed on.  
"I rang the bell a few times, but you didn't answer the door," you explain, running your fingertips over his jersey, which lies on the chair.  
"Apparently I didn't want to see anyone," he says, staring at the screen again.

For some reason you feel incredibly confident.  
You take his jersey in your hand and put it on your lap.  
"Ah, I see....Not me either?" you ask casually.  
He looks at you again from the corner of his eye and shrugs.  
His behavior makes you aggressive. You snort defiantly.  
"Say Atsumu, are you feeling sorry for yourself right now? ... Or and I think that's more likely, you miss the contact we had? ... How do I know it? Well, I miss it, too ... even though I know that you probably wouldn't be happy in a relationship with me anyway and its a bad idea, and we maybe rushing things. But still, I miss you somehow. Maybe as friend or maybe as the man who made me feel so great.  
I consoled myself with the thought that you would go on.... apparently I was wrong. " you sigh.

You stroke the number 13 of his jersey, put it away and get up.  
"I hope you´ll get better soon, I think I´m not able to make things better here." you say and go to the door.  
"I miss you and that's why I feel sorry for myself," he says quietly.  
You turn to him and tilt your head.  
He is really fascinating, sometime you don´t really know, whats going on in his head.

You turn to his closet.  
"What are you doing?" Atsumu asks in surprise.  
"You have to get out of this bed ..." you mumble as you rummage through his t-shirts.  
He gets outraged and takes his clothes from your hand.  
"Well, you're already standing, thats the first step.“ you say pleased.

He says your name with a snort.  
"I like black, you should wear black." you keep chatting.  
He grabs your wrist, something that actually scares you.  
"Stop ..." he says seriously.  
You look at him.  
"Are you actually kidding me? You didn't want to be in contact with me anymore ... and then I need to find out that you are lying around instead of going on?...So No, I won't stop until you go out of the bed. You could go out with me … to....have a beer or something"

He looks at you in silence, then he carefully strokes A strand of your hair from your forehead. You have to smile involuntarily.  
Now Atsumu smiles, too. You run your hand over his cheek and then let it slide back on his neck.  
You pull him down to you and kiss him. He exhales in surprise from his nose, but he quickly returns your kiss. He presses you closer to him and runs his hand through your hair.  
You easily push him away. "So what do you say? May I invite you for a beer?" you ask in low voice.  
He smiles at you shyly and nods "Somehow I can't say no to you"  
You shrug your shoulders and sit back in the armchair and watch him finish his dressing.  
"I don't know either, you make me have insane balls. I kissed you. Usually I always shit in my pants, when it comes to something like that"  
He laughs and pulls the shirt over his head.

Somehow ashamed you look at the jersey again.  
That makes Atsumu laughs even more.  
"In the end you are shy ..."  
You roll your eyes and try not to stare at him.  
You have never found someone as attractive as him. The sight of him triggers a nervous tingling.  
He pulls you out of your thoughts, when he apologizes to the bathroom.

So you decide to walk around a little.  
His room looks exactly as you imagined. Relatively chaotic and full of volleyball magazines, game records and notes. Just like your room used to be.  
With a sigh you let yourself fall into the armchair and pick up his jersey again. It has a strange fascination on you. You sit there and smell on it.  
Suddenly you hear Atsumus laugh, this time he is leaning against the door frame. "It's freshly washed, but believe me you don't want to smell on it after a game ..... but I think you know that"  
Startled, you put the jersey back and run your way through your hair.  
You feel caught and clear your throat.  
"For the fact that you were just lying in bed and feeling sorry for yourself, you are doing quite well again." you say and walk past him.

He follows "Well...I have a question....How the hell did you get in here?"  
You go ahead laughing and present the key.  
"I was eating at your brother's restaurant and he begged me to save his poor brother from his bed," you say in a theatrical voice.  
He laughs softly."You can be really funny" he says sarcastically.  
"Well, sometimes I am" you say quietly.  
He comes up to you and hugs you. "I'm glad you came."  
You're smiling.

"Let's figure out, if it was a good idea ..." you say skeptically.  
He looks at you and strokes your hair from your face.  
"Aren't you feeling better?" he asks as if it was clear.  
But after all he's right. You feel better.  
So you nod "Yes, I do. But we should have a basic talk about what we can imagine here. And of course why you left me crying in my bed after you ate me out. Which is a big thing for me" you express it a little more ironically than it´s actually is.  
He looks at you questioningly.  
"Maybe not for you ... but for me it was ..." you add shyly.  
He leads you out the door.  
"It surprised myself what a big thing it was for me." he says seriously.  
He dodges your gaze. You reach for his hand and you walk silently side by side.

"And how does it feel?......All those fresg air?" you tease.  
He laughs. "Hey the last time we talked to each other, you weren't so mean. And I was in the fresh air, I had to go to training"  
You shrug your shoulders. "Now you learn how I really am.“  
You notice it every time you are with him.  
You're different.  
You are like before, before you changed.  
It is liberating when he is by his side. And yet you don't know how to go on here.  
"Do you want to go to a bar or do we want to drink beer outside?" Atsumu pulls you out of your thoughts.  
You make a thoughtful sound.  
"It is still so warm maybe we should buy beer and sit down by the river?"  
He nods.

You both sit on a bench nearby the water. You hand him a beer and you both drink it in silence.

"You know, what your friend said there ..." he breaks the silence and stares at his beer can.  
"... is true ... I'm something like a male whore ..."  
You look at him and raise an eyebrow.  
"As far as I know, whores get money ... do women pay for sex with you?" you ask and try to sound relatively normal.  
You look out on the water.  
"Don't you understand what I mean ..?" he asks and you realize how difficult seems to be for him to talk about it.  
You look at him and take his hand.  
"Of course I know what you mean, until recently I also thought that if you want anonymous sex, the best thing to do is to meet you. And we didn't get to know each other voluntarily ... it was not an intention ... it just happened." 

He stares at the water.  
"I never thought about it, if I wanted a woman I took her. I fucked her in toilets, on a parkbench or cars. They were important to me until I had an orgasm and then I was happy when they left. And with you ... you didn't even touch me and it was still absolutely fulfilling for me to talk to you, to spent time with you...and to touch you. The way you moaned, your body, your taste, to sleep next to you. It all felt right. And when your roommate told me you were virgin, I felt so bad. "  
You squeeze his hand and interrupt him.  
"She didn't tell you, she accused you ... Atsumu ... don't you think it is clear to me that the people who see us think I'm the girl for the night? I really don´t care about it as long as you know thats different.  
The only question is, can you stop it? I'm not a virgin, but I probably can't offer you sex like you had with Mayu and so on ... I need a lot of time ... Sex is a very complicated topic for me ... but I think I can handle it ... "  
You have the feeling that your face would burn, you have never talked about it so openly.  
"I don't want to say that sex is unimportant to me. But you're special ... I felt so bad when I couldn't write to you anymore."  
You slide closer to him and put your head on his shoulder. He puts his arm around you and grins at you.  
"Why didn´t you write me?"  
He sighs. "Because I acted like an idiot and you know Im not good in taking a „no“"  
You laugh and you notice how he plays with strands of your hair.  
"Why didn´t you write me?" he replies.  
You take his hand and hold it.  
"I was afraid of this conversation. I am afraid that I cannot offer you what you want. That I am not enough. It won´t be easy and I don´t know if it is the best basis for a relationship. Well...if we are going to have one....I think its a way to early to label it."  
Atsumu sighs.  
"I think my last relatively serious relationship was when I was 18 ... that is a long time ago ... so I don't know what the basics are."  
You grin shyly.  
"I've never had one"  
He looks at you in disbelief.  
"Hey, don't look at me like this ... I didn't like anyone here and I was busy being the best at high school." you try to dub everything a little.  
He hums in agreement. "I understand"  
He empties his beer and looks at you.  
"Let's just try to talk to each other. I don't think that it´s easy for you sometimes. In fact, I feel much better than the last few weeks ... and that shows me that I at least want to try .. to stay in contact with you"  
You grin and lean your forehead against his.  
"What do you think? Should we go to your place .. and make out a little …" he asks with a mysteriouse grin.

You grin brighter and kiss him on the tip of his nose.  
"That sounds good, but I'd rather go to you …"  
Atsumu frowns. Then he kisses you. "Wherever you want to go ..."  
You sigh. "Yeah, I'm not talking to Mayu, and in the worst case, we can hear some guy's eggs smacking against her ass."  
First, Atsumu laughs, but he gets serious again when he realizes that you are not joking.  
"Do you really hear that?" he wants to know.  
You look at him.  
"We don't live in a bunker ..."  
You notice how the topic makes him nervous.  
You smile and start the way home. Atsumu follows you frantically.

When you turn into tAtsumus street you can already see that someone is sitting in front of the door.  
When you realize that it is Osamu, you slap your hand against your forehead.  
"Im so, so ,so sorry, I still have your key"you apologize immediately.

He smiles and shakes his head. "Don´t be, I am just happy that my brother has left his bed."  
Then he turns to Atsumu and hits him on the shoulder.  
"Why don't you answer your cell phone ?!"  
While Atsumu and Osamu are still discussing the importance of answering calls, you go into Atsumu's room and sit back in the armchair, some kind of homebase for you. Because now you are in his room again, waiting for him...and don´t really know what to do.

After a while, Atsumu comes into his room with some drinks. He puts it on his desk and then turns uncertainly to you. He runs his hair uncertainly.  
"I'm sorry, but I have to know that ... Did you hear me back then ... when I ... well ... was with your roommate?"  
You have to smile inevitably. It seems incredibly important to him what you think of him.  
You nod slightly. And he drops onto the bed.  
"It's all so embarrassing …"

You laugh and shake your head. "I only heard that someone was there ... and that it must have been good ..." you say with a smile.  
Then you shrug your shoulders. "And it doesn't stop me from being here … so maybe you should relax again"  
He sighs and smiles. "I can't change it anyway"  
You smile and shake your head.  
"I don't want you to change it at all. I don't think we would have known each other otherwise ...."  
He smiles at you. "Come here" he whispers and open his arms.  
You are taking your jacket off, when you hear a knock on the door.  
"Are you still wearing clothes?" you hear Osamus voice through the door.  
Atsumu rolls his eyes in annoyance and you go to the door and open it.

Osamu carries in a tray.  
"Since I didn't know whether my brother had left his self-isolation, I brought him the usual food."  
Atsumu is grinning now. "Yes, one of the great advantages of having your brother, who sacrifice a great volleyball career to be a chef is, that you eat for free."  
"Yes, I was watching you back then, you were really fantastic ... but I understand when it's time to stop …" you comment.  
Osamu nods. "Yes, if you know it, then you know it ... And that doesn't mean that it is wrong to change something." he contiunes, looking at his brother.  
Atsumu puts food in his mouth and watches you in a strange way.

"I hope you two come to my match tomorrow, then you are able to mourn your careers and see how fantastic I am."  
You laugh and sigh. "You certainly don't lack self-confidence ..."  
Osamu laughs. "Yes, that's true ... and that's why he stays in bed for weeks as soon as things go wrong ..."  
Atsumu laughs scornfully. "That was a meditative phase .. wouldn't hurt you either …"  
Osamu crosses his arms over his chest and snorts. "I took care of you ..."  
The whole disscusion is a bit dragging on, but the fact is that Atsumu would probably still be in his bed without Osamu.

Osamu cheers you on the shoulder and pulls you out of your thoughts.  
"Then have fun and use a condom ... Children shouldn't have children ..." he says, grinning and looking at Atsumu.  
When Osamu shuts the door , you stand uncertain in the room.  
Even for Osamu, it´s clear that you will have sex with Atsumu. You have to fix your problem quickly, unfortunately you notice how you feel more and more stressed about the situation.

Nothing escapes Atsumu's eyes, a sighs deep and he sits up.  
"Come here .." he says a bit demanding this time. You sit on the bed unsure.  
"What do you want up there when I'm here?" he laughs.  
He slides over the bed and pulls you towards his chest, so that you sit between his legs.  
He holds you tight and leans his chin on your shoulder and kisses your neck.  
"Don't worry, just because Osamu is expecting it, I don't expect it ..." he whispers and you let yourself fall against his chest with a sigh.  
"I hate being like this ..." you murmur. Atsumu laughs softly.  
"I'm actually really glad that you are like this ..." he says and fishes for some food.  
"Astumu?" you ask and stroke his arm.  
"Hm?" he asks questioningly. You turn your face to him and he looks at you.  
"Please promise me that you will leave me, if you can no longer take it ... I can take it better if you leave me than if you cheat on me or lie to me ... please just promise me that ..."  
He looks at your face as if he would try to read you, then he nods.  
"Promise me something too ... try to explain everything to me that bothers you, I don´t expect it now ... but at some point ..."  
You are a little irritated by his request. He must be able to read you incredibly well.  
But you also nod, although you still don't know how to explain it to him. But you know that it only works with you, if you do it.  
You stare at his face ... then you close your eyes and wait for his lips to touch yours.  
You are surprised how easily he can touch you. You usually hate it when people touch you, but he does it with such dedication that it feels almost familiar.

"Atsumu .... take off my clothes ..." you whisper against his lips and turn to face him.  
He looks at you and presses his lips harder on yours, his hands wander under your shirt and he removes your clothes piece by piece from your body until you only wear your panties.

You notice how his eyes run over your body.  
His lips kiss you tenderly.  
"I could just look at you forever," he whispers.  
You kiss him and pull his t-shirt over his head.  
"I feel the same way ..." you whisper and let your hands slide over his shoulders.  
As he sits in front of you in shorts he looks at you and tries to read your face.  
Before he can do anything, you sit on his lap and press your breasts against his upper body.  
With a grin, he strokes up your back and pulls you down to kiss you.  
You notice how his erection gets harder, while you push your crotch against his. You move your hips and start rubbing against him. It doesn't feel bad at all and when Atsumu kisses you moaning, you notice how you get wet.  
You run your hand through his hair and he pushes you back to the mattress.  
Now Atsumu rubs against you and you groaningly put your legs around his waist, while he greedily kisses your breasts.  
He sucks your nipples and a loud groan escapes your throat.  
Atsumu smiles and you can see the excitement in him. It motivates him to do it again and again.  
Panting, you stretch out your back and cling to his hair.  
You pull him up to you, kiss him and push him on his back.  
You start moving your hips on your crotch again. Groaning, Atsumu lifts his head and kisses your breasts moaning.  
As he kisses you, so greedy, excited and demanding, you decide to give him more.  
"Use my hand!" you groan. Atsumu stops kissing your skin and breathes heavily.  
"What?" he asks somewhat irritated.  
"Use my hand for your orgasm."

He looks at you without a word and strokes your hair from your face.  
"You can do it alone," he whispers, kisses your neck and leads your hand to his cock.  
"What if I screw it up?" you whisper frantically and he laughs.  
"Oh believe me, at this point you can't screw anything up anymore"  
Slowly you slide your hand in his shorts and touch his cock.  
The sight triggers a strange feelings in you, so you turn your eyes to Atsumu's face.  
You try to read on his face, whether it's good or bad. Whether you should stroke faster, slower or more vigorously.  
You kiss the corners of his mouth and his hands wander up to your breasts. You notice how his muscles tighten and he reaches into your hair before he comes with a low moan and a warm liquid pours over your hand.

"Fuck" he moans breathing heavily.  
He pulls you down, kisses you thankfully and reaches into his dessert to hand you a handkerchief.  
"That was great." he whispers.  
You smile shyly as you wipe his sperm from your hand and his stomach.  
He sits up turns you on your back and lies on top of you. He kisses your neck and runs his fingers over your breasts.  
You notice his bare penis on your thigh, this feeling somehow triggers panic in you. Atsumu is just kissing down to your panties and you get the feeling that he has to stop.  
"Atsumu .." you whisper.  
He seems to interpret it as arousal and goes on with his kissing.  
"Atsumu ... please stop ..." you say a little louder and maybe a little too panicked. He lifts his head in alarm. You lean on your arms and breathe heavily.  
Atsumu comes up to you and kisses you.  
„Hey ... what's going on? What did I do wrong?" he asks, while kissing your face soothingly. But you still notice his penis on your thigh, you have to get out of this fucking situation.  
"No ... Nothing ... I just have to pee ..." you lie.  
Atsumu grins at you "... Then you should go …"

As you come back to his room, Atsumu is leaning against the wall in his bed.  
You grin awkwardly. "Sorry, I destroyed the mood."  
You managed to calm down a little in the bathroom and also managed to hate yourself a little more.  
Atsumu shakes his head. "No, everything is fine ...but you´ll tell me if something is not okay, yes?"  
You nod and want to put on your pants.  
"What you are doing?"  
You grin "I don't want to be more trouble, so I should go home now“  
Atsumu laughs shyly. "Well, actually I'm very happy when girls leave my bed so quickly ... but in your case, I would be happy if you´ll sleep next to me"  
You think about it. You'd actually like to go home, but you feel guilty for pushing him away like this. So you agree.

Before you crael into bed again, Atsumu stops you.  
"Would you do me a favor?"  
You look at him promptly.  
"Would you wear my jersey while sleep? I have a match tomorrow and that will bring me luck."  
You smile embarrassed and look at the jersey that lies still in his chair.  
"Do you let all the girls sleep in it?" you ask.  
He laughs. "No ... I don't know why I'm asking you ... I like the thought …"  
You look at him without a word and think. Suddenly you have doubts again, that this is a good idea.

Sometimes it is difficult to interpret his behavior,  
he doesn't really know you ...  
he changed girls like his underwear ... and wants to stop it...  
he makes an unbelievable amount of compromises in dealing with you …  
and you still can't really understand why he's doing all this...

He pulls you out of your thoughts by calling your name.  
"If I will never be able to sleep with you, will you leave me?“ you ask.  
Atsumu looks at you in amazement.  
"Why shouldn't you be able to do it? Everything is going well so far," he says distractingly.  
"Atsumu ... that wasn't my question ..."  
Atsumu looks at his hands and takes a deep breath.  
" Yes, I think so," he says quietly. In his eyes you can see that the answer is not easy for him.  
You go to the chair and take his jersey.  
"Yes, I know ..." you agree with him.  
He looks at you irritated.  
"I just wanted to know, if you're honest" you smile and sight.  
"I said I'm not lying to you ... Sometimes I'm pretty overwhelmed when it comes to you," admits Atsumu.  
You sit on the bed and stroke your hair.  
"Yes me too" you laugh.  
"And I think we are both overhelmed by this situation ...Do we want to tell each other our greatest fear in a mysteroic ceremony?" you say and try to make it sound funny.  
But it works - Atsumu smiles. You sit next to him and take his hand.  
"You first?" he asks.  
You grin softly and look at your hands.  
"That I won´t be able to sleep with you," you say quietly. He kisses your hand and looks at you from the side.  
"How do you allways come to this assumption? If I had to judge that, I would say that I just turned you on."  
You kiss him.  
"Yes you did ...and I think I really want it..... you know ... it just hurts ..." you say quietly.  
Atsumu seems to be thinking.  
"The sex?"  
You nod. You can't tell him the whole story, yet. But that describes the main problem.  
He puts his arm around you and kisses your forehead.  
"We'll find a solution ... so far we're not bad..... Hey, don't cry," he says with a smile and wipes away the tears with his thumbs.  
This situation is just so overwhelming, but you just don't know how to tell it.  
You sigh and laugh a little bit bitterly.  
"I hate all my crying soo much....This is the first time that I tell someone about a part of my problem and I hardly know you … I didn´t tell my friends....and so on" you shrug.

Atsumu laughs darkly. "Then we come to my fear. I don't know this situation or rather...these feelings..... You are in my life for such a short a time and the thought that you could leave it again, hurts me. And I really tried to stop it for 3 weeks. But It's just been fine again since you've been here. Is that normal? "he asks with an ironic laugh. „ I´m just so scared that Im going to loose this feeling.“  
You nod "Yes, everything happens very quickly ...maybe to quickly...." you agree with him.  
"….You are the first person where I like that you touch me..... so I think its a good sign...But does it feel bad for you?"  
Atsumu shakes his head. "On the contrary...."  
You nod "Then it will be fine ... and we haven't given ourselves a label yet, so you don´t have to stress yourself, if you wanna be with someone else, its okay – as long as you tell me first."  
Atsumu laughs and raises an eyebrow.  
"Do you really expect me to ask you at some point, if you want to be my girlfriend?"  
You laugh and dig out of bed. "Of course, you need to watch if you like beeing with me..and as soon as you ask me...I´ll know its okay for you...." you say in a serious voice.  
He watches you questioningly and than he nod. "Okay, if it's important to you …"

"But until then ... I can practice how it feels to be at your side ..." you say and take off your t-shirt to put on his jersey.  
You look at yourself in the mirror. It really suits you, your heart becomes heavy again at the sight.  
But you smile and turn to him.  
His face is priceless.  
You look at him questioningly. "For me it's more like a dress," you comment.  
He nods slowly and takes you by the wrist and pulls you onto the bed and kisses you stormily.  
Breathing heavily, he separates from you. "As soon as we have solved the problem and Im sure we will ... you absolutely have to wear it when you sleep with me."  
You have to laugh at his excitement. Then you kiss him again.  
You lie on his lap and caress his face.  
"You absolutely have to come to my game tomorrow." he says pleadingly.  
"In a sports hall?" you ask in surprise and as the question gushes out of your mouth you already know how stupid it is.  
Astumu laughs so wide that dimples form.  
"Well,..... you know,.... the soccer field is occupied otherwise, so we have to go into the hall," he grins and kisses you.  
You roll your eyes. "Yes, I know that of course. I'm just bad at being alone in crowds." you tell him. It is not a lie, but it is also not entirely true.  
"Osamu will be there too, he´ll works there … so please ..."  
His pleading eyes make your heart soft, so you agree and get a happy kiss.  
"Well ... I'll spend my day with Osamu ... who saw me twice and have to take care of me right away." you say ironically.  
Atsumu laughs. "He likes to do that ..."  
You kiss him "Liar"  
He raises his eyebrow and grins.  
While you are lying in his arms and listen to his sleep breathing, your nervousness comes back.  
"..... So you're going to a sports hall again tomorrow, huh?" you keep asking yourself.


	4. Chapter 4

When you wake up in the morning, you look into the brown eyes of Atsumu.  
He smiles as soon as he sees that you are awake.  
You grumble and stretch. "Are you staring at me while I am sleeping?"  
Atsumu smiles.  
"I wonder why a strand of your hair always slides in your face." he says softly and strokes it behind your ear.  
"Because I cut it off myself ...," you say yawning and stroking your mouth. "I salivate while I sleep, you shouldn't see that."

He ignores your comment, plays with your hair and kisses your forehead.  
"The second best advantage because of your brother wastes his life on food is... that he makes breakfast every morning. What do you think? We´ll take a shower first and then we´ll eat something ... "he says grumbling.  
You grin, it would be a good idea to shower with him. But somehow you feel uncomfortable with the thought of beeing naked in front of him in shower.  
So you nod slowly. "Breakfast sounds great, but I'll take a shower later at home ..." in his eyes you can see that he doesn't like the answer.  
You wrestle with yourself but when you are ready to consent, he kisses you, and crawls out of bed. "You´ll miss something, but I´m planning to wake up next to you more often." he says grinning and drumming on his abs.  
You also get out of bed and face him.  
"You look so good in my jersey." he whispers. You grin and pull him down to you. "Thanks, Atsumu" you whisper against his lips.  
He just grins, while you leave to the toilet.

When you come back you see Osamu in the kitchen making breakfast.  
You decide to go to him because you should spend the day with him and he is more or less a stranger.  
He returns your greeting and looks at you.  
"You are allowed to wear his holy jersey," he comments almost appreciatively. You smile shyly and straighten the fabric. "Yes, I should take it off slowly." you say quietly.  
You sigh. "Otherwise I'll probably smear it with food. And I don't think Atsumu would like it."  
Osamu laughs weird.   
You watch him and realize that, he's much more reserved than Atsumu. And you're so bad at communication too, so it's probably going to be a long, long day …  
But after you ask a simple question about food, you get a gush of information on how you prepare what. Thankfully you listen to him, and you realize that you are really interested in what he´s telling you.  
You only notice Atsumu when he is behind you and starts kissing your neck.. You flinch.  
"Oh sorry ..." he apologizes.  
You shake your head. "No, no, you're just completely wet," you say, although your heart is beating up to your neck.  
"I'm going to change now, because Osamu is about to introduce me to the secrets of cooking, so I'd rather put my own clothes on." you say grinning.

You are about to close the door when you get snatches of conversation from Atsumu and Osamu.  
"She's really nice and in contrast to the other characters who sometimes wander through the apartment, she is human and has really tried to start a serious conversation with me.... don't mess it up this time and treat her properly. She's too nice to sit here on the steps in front of our house and get your asshole type out."  
It kind of calms you down that Osamu says that. Not what he says, but he seems to like you and that calms you down when it comes to that day.  
You press your ear against the door as hard as possible to hear Atsumus answer.  
He sighs.  
"She is different ... and I really try ... I know but I find it difficult to read sometimes ...I don't sleep with her until now ..."  
Osamu laughs out loud.  
"Thats unusual , okay I see you really care..." he says aloud.  
You have to grin and for the first time you feel a strange chirping in a stomach. You flinch when Atsumu opens the door. "You are really easy to scare," he laughs.

You look at Atsumu wordlessly and wonder how it would feel to sleep with him... Is he just as understanding as now, when you let him into your body?  
Atsumu wags his hand in front of your face. "Hey, are you okay?"  
You nod and slide your hand under his towel and stroke it from his hip.  
He looks at you as wordlessly as you are.  
It's not bad ... it's not bad that he's standing naked in front of you. His eyes are looking for yours. When he finds them, you go up to him, put your hands on his cheeks and pull him down and slide your tongue in his mouth.  
Moaning, he returns your kiss and you push him towards the bed and sit him down. You take off your panties under his jersey and sit on his lap.  
He looks at you questioningly. You smile at him briefly and then sit on his lap. You look at Atsumu without a word, he strokes your hair from your face.  
Then you slide a little further onto his lap.  
"What you are doing?" Atsumu whispers and kisses you lightly.  
With this question you wake up from your trance. "Sorry" you murmur and slide off his lap again. He grabs your wrist and pulls you back to kiss you.  
"Don't apologize ... I can't sleep with you now anyway ... you said you need time so we should take our time. And I think it is not a good idea to do it when my brother is cooking breakfast the next door and we are pressed for time. "Then he leans his head on your shoulder and laughs." God, I don't think I've ever said anything like this to a woman I wanted as much as you ... What is this?“

You kiss him and lean your forehead against his.  
"I don't know either ... I just wanted to know what it feels like ..." you whisper.  
With a sigh you let your arms slide around his neck and lean your head against his shoulder. "I hate being such a freak sometimes ..."  
His hands slide under the jersey and caress your bare back.  
"There are certainly reasons why you are how you are …and I won´t call you freak"  
You smell his freshly showered skin. He is right and you know the reason, but you are afraid that if he knows it too ,you can no longer smell his skin.  
He presses you even closer and just hugs you.

The breakfast is really funny, you are relaxed and it is totally exciting, how similar but also how different Atsumu and Osamu are.  
When Atsumu takes you to the door, he puts his arm around you. "And you're sure to come later?" You can see in his face again how important it is to him, so you nod, and he happily kisses you.

You sit nervously in front of the hall and knead your hands. Why are you stressing yourself like that for a guy you've known for a few weeks?  
When your cell phone vibrates, you reach into your jacket pocket.

Atsumu:  
Where are you?  
Are you okay?

You smile and take a picture of the hall and send it to him.

Since you get a read receipt immediately, you notice that he is waiting for your answer.

Atsumu:  
:) Good thing you are there. You will bring me luck.. Go in - I have to go too …

You smile and take a deep, deep breathe. You go through the front door. "You won't fall over, you're fine, you're healthy ..." you murmur to yourself. You take a deep breath, here in front of the stalls it is actually possible to breathe normally.  
You see Osamu selling his food. You have agreed that as soon as you have a problem, you will come to him.  
But you are prepared and hope that you only go to him to buy food.  
You slowly go down the stands and lean against the railing. And there you smell it, the typical smell of a volleyball court. You immediately feel sick.  
You search frantically in your handbag for the face mask that you sprayed with perfume. But Atsumu must have seen you once,before you can wear it.  
But you don't see him anywhere on the court.  
Only other Black Jackels players.  
You lean a little further over the railing, and there he is. He gives an interview to a reporter and he looks like he's flirting with her.  
In any case, she goes into his flirting. Does that make you feel insecure?  
You ponder the situation, but then you see Atsumu walking back onto the field and looking over the stands looking for something.  
When he sees you and smiles, you know that he was looking for you.  
You casually show him a victory sign and he waves at you with a grin. This waving causes an incredible commotion on the left and right of you.  
Then you let your eyes pass over the fans. Something worries you that Atsumu's fans are almost exclusively female. How are you supposed to keep up with them? He could choose the girls here..which one should spent the night with him.  
Your thoughts race and suddenly you notice the smell in your nose. You get sick again.  
You feel very dizzy and it doesn't help that you try to breathe trough your face mask.  
You have to get out of here .... You notice how your breathing goes up, you stumble back to the food stalls, lean on your knees and take a deep breath.

"Hey, are you okay?" a familiar voice asks. When you look to the left, you see Osamu. You smile gratefully and shake your head slightly. "I feel dizzy...."  
Carefully he puts his arm around you and leads you to his sales booth and puts you on a chair.  
The pleasant scent of his food rises in your nose and covers the rest. He gives you water and you sip on it gratefully.   
You watch him sell his onigiri and that kind of calms you down. When it gets calmer because the game is about to starts, he turns to you with a plate.  
"Are you feeling better?" he asks and you nod.  
"Then - eat something …"   
He hands you the plate with a selection of dishes. You accept it with a smile.  
"If you want, you can also watch the game from here, I have a very good view"  
When you look past him, you see how wonderful you can see the court.  
"Thanks, that would be great, if I´d be allowed to stay here."  
He nods and shoves a stool next to his.

Atsumu is the first server in the match. His aura is really different, before he serves he makes a sublime impression.  
Unfortunately, his first serve is out. Beside you Osamu laughs "The same mistake again and again ..." You look at him questioningly.  
"He wants to show at the beginning how insanely good he is and that usually goes wrong …"  
You smile quietly. "Yes, I would have rated him that way too"  
The game is fairly balanced, apparently you don't bring Atsumu as much luck as he thinks.  
At the end of the second set, Atsumu looks different.  
"He seems to be totally stressed ..." you whisper and Osamu looks at you.  
"That's right ..." he agrees.  
"You know, if he would play more over the left side, he might be more successful. During the current rotation, the blockers on the left side are rather weak ... if Atsumu took more advantage of it, the Black Jackels could take the lead.“  
Osamu thinks about it, then laughs and nods.  
"You're right, but better don´t tell him, criticism is usually a sign of envy for him. Although you are probably allowed to do it …"  
You smile uncertainly and Osamu pats your shoulder.  
"That's a good sign..."  
The game is exciting and you enjoy commenting the the game with Osamu.  
Atsumu is right, he's incredibly good. His serves are insane. You feel like he smells his jersey before serving.  
In the End the Jackels are able to win – even it was close.

You help Osamu pack his stuff when Atsumu shows up freshly showered behind you.  
You turn around smiling, but unsure of what to do now. It's seems to be the same for him.   
Out of the corner of your eye you see two young women watching Atsumu, finally they shyly approach him and ask for an autograph and a photo.   
And again you can watch Atsumu flirt with them. And they gratefully respond to this flirt. You notice how you don't like it, suddenly one of the girls turns to you.  
"Are you Osamu's girlfriend?" she asks.   
You shake your head a little irritated.  
"Ah okay ... you looked so familiar."  
Your gaze goes uncertainly to Atsumu, whose gaze you unfortunately cannot interpret.  
You don't know how to explain all of this and whether you really looked so familiar.  
"She knows about volleyball and we talked about the game." Osamu saves you from the situation and you support his statement with a nod.  
They walk away and you wonder if you have to justify yourself to Atsumu now. He looks at you with a grin and leans over to you. "Isn't one Miya enough for you?" he whispers ironically.  
You laugh. "I'm already overwhelmed with you sometimes", you give back.  
He grins and it seems to be okay. Suddenly he puts his hand around your chin and kisses you. "Atsumu .." you whisper in panic.  
"I don't care what these girls think, except for the fact that you're the girlfriend of my idiotic brother."  
You grin "Your brother isn´t an idiot."  
Smiling, he pulls you onto his lips again.

A throat interrupts you.  
"I'm terribly sorry ... but there are people who work here ..." you hear Osamu.  
Atsumu rolls his eyes in annoyance. "Did you like it?"  
You nod "Yes, I had fun."  
Atsumu grins at you promptly. You know what he wants to hear.  
You shake your head slightly. "I won´t say it …"  
His grin grows wider and his eyes more penetrating.  
"But you think so?"  
You grin and cock your head.  
"You think I'm the best?" he keeps trying.  
"... I think I should go home now …"  
His eyes change from provocative to sad. "Don't you wanna come to my place?"  
You shake your head slightly.  
"No, I think I have to talk to Mayu again. It's hard to get out of her way everytime …"  
Atsumu nods. "Okay, an acceptable reason ..."  
You nod and say goodbye.

In truth, the day was extremely tiring. Constantly suppressing your own panic is a very exhausting task.  
You also don't know how you feel about him kissing you in front of everyone.  
Then there is the realization that almost every woman in the hall, wants to sleep with the guy ,who actually wants to sleep with you, but you are very afraid of it.  
You stop in front of a shop window and look at your reflection.  
If Atsumu would know everything about you, he probably wouldn't want it anyway.  
You sigh, now that you're alone, you find this situation is just complicated.

When you unlock the front door, it smells of burnt food.  
As you look around the corner you see Mayu swearing in the kitchen.  
You laugh and Mayu startles.   
"What are you doing there?" you ask.  
She looks a little desperate, how she drops the wooden spoon.  
"I cooked well I try to cook ... and wanted to apologize again ...because... otherwise I have to move out ... I can't take this situation ..."  
You go to the kitchen and look in the pots.  
"Well I think ... it's all pretty dead"  
You can see the disappointment on Mayu's face.  
"I'm also sorry for how I've behaved in the past few weeks. We should just order something to eat ... and watch movies … or someting" you say.  
Mayu looks at you a little incredulously.  
"Seriously?"  
As you nod, she falls gratefully around your neck.

That at least this burden is removed relieves you. You sit in front of the TV eating sushi and talking about what has happened in the past few weeks.  
You poke around in your meal, you actually have a question, but you don't know if it's too private. However, it is Mayu ... you don't even close the door while you are peeing.

"What is it like to sleep with Atsumu?" you finally ask.  
Mayu looks at you chewing.  
"Just the fact that he hasn't slept with you yet amazes me ..."  
You look at your food with concern.  
Mayu seems to rethink the night before answering.  
"Passionate ... I think passionate is the right word. It's like he knows what you want. He has insane perseverance. He uses your whole body to make you feel good ...... Oh yeah... that wasn´tt bad, "she says with a mischievous grin.  
You try to grin and nod.  
She puts her hand on yours.  
"Hey ... that will be fine ... I still find his character sucks, but he is a good lover and will make you feel good."  
You nod "I think you still underestimate his Charkater. I think he cares a lot about me, I just don't know if I can keep up with everyone else."  
Mayu laughs and it sounds kind of ironic.  
"Why shouldn't you? Honestly .. since I know you I wonder why you have no boyfriend or at least someone for your bed. You have a pleasant personality, you are smart, you have an incredible general knowledge - which I am honestly very jealous of - and you are really beautiful. You just have absolutely no self-confidence. What Atsumu has more than enough. "   
Mayu's big eyes look at you and you even believe what she says.   
So you smile. "Thank you"  
Mayu shakes his head. "I'm honest..I am not convinced of Atsumu as a person, but I have no doubt that he sees something in you."

Even if Mayu's speech gave you a bit of courage when you went to your room, there are so much different feelings in you.  
You sit on the bed and take your cell phone.

Atumu:  
Fuck, girl!  
Osamu told me that you weren't feeling well today. Why didn't you say anything? ... Are you okay now?

You have to smile, he really cares about you.

"Yes, I'm fine. Osamu took good care of me. I couldn't tell you, I was too fascinated by how many women stared at you"

You couldn't help but comment. Even if he can't help that they stare at him, he created his image himself

Your cell phone vibrates.

Atsumu:  
"Let them stare .... Good that you are feeling better I was already worried ... everything okay with Mayu?"

You roll your eyes. „Let them stare“ ...obviously he's not worried that it could be a problem for you.

"Yes, everything is okay again ... we had a good evening …"

You lie down on the bed, stare at the dark ceiling and wait.

Atsumu:  
"I am glad to hear that...  
Osamu also said that you have an incredible sence for tactics and if you were on our team, we would have won higher. ;)  
It was great that you were there.

You rethink about the day. In the meantime, the action of this morning is also incredibly embarrassing. You open the chat window again.

"I'm terribly sorry for this morning's action. I didn't want to embarrass you."

Fortunately, you don't have to wait long for the answer.

"You don't have to be sorry. I think it's good that you show me that you want me. I only doubt that it would have been good...and I want it to be, because you deserve it."

You send a purple heart back and smile.

The next two weeks you are pretty busy with uni stuff. And Atsumu is busy with his new serve and mostly pretty annoyed because it doesn't work. So you don't see each other often. It is Saturday afternoon and you are sitting on your bed with books when there is a knock on the door and Atsumu shows up in your room.  
"Hey, what are you doing here?" you shout joyfully and get up to hug him.  
"I missed you....and Mayu let me in" he says theatrically.  
You look at him with a laugh. "We saw each other yesterday"  
He looks at you with a smile and looks nervous.  
"Yes, but I had to share you with books about a lot of dead people. And I also noticed that you were never angry with me."  
You look at him questioningly. "And this is so desirable?"  
He comes to you and kisses you. "Sorry I at least wanted to kiss you once again ..."  
Slowly you get nervous.  
"Atsumu, what's going on here?"

Atsumu rummages in his pocket and hands you a note.  
You unfold it.  
It is an advertisement for a volleyball tournament.  
You look at him and indicate that you need an explanation to understand that.  
"It's for amateurs, isn't it?"  
Atsumu nods.  
"Yes, 2 people always play against 2 others ..."  
You nod and still don't know what that is about.  
".... I registered us there …"even if he confidently puts his hands on his hips, you can see that he is nervous. And he should be.  
"Atsumu .... did you notice that we are a man and a woman ...?"  
Atsumu nods. "Yes, they don't care ... you can only win a shopping voucher"  
You take a deep breath.  
"Atsumu ... do you realize that I haven't played volleyball in two years …"  
Atsumu nods.  
"You jog almost every day and I think you sometimes play volleyball against a wall ... at least that tells me the marks on your volleyball on your closet"  
He is right with what he says, with everything. But the thought of being in a gym for several hours scares you.  
Atsumu kneels in front of you and says your name.  
"Please ... I know it's stupid because we don't play in a hall, but please I would love to play with you ...only once"he looks at you really asking.  
" It´s outdoor?" you ask.  
"Yeah I know that sucks ... but you would never come to my training to play with me and nobody knows us there and ..."  
You interrupt him.  
"Okay ..." you say and he hugs you happily.  
"Thank you so so sooo much! That makes me so happy....you are the best!"

You moan and grumble a little.  
"And when is the whole thing going to start?"  
Atsumu grins.  
"In 3 h"  
You look at him a little overwhelmed.  
He kisses you laughing and his hands wander down to your butt and he drops onto the bed and sits you on his lap. You kiss and hug him.  
You press your head against his shoulder and look at him.  
"I was thinking about something ..." you say and drive him through the hair.  
He looks at you questioningly. "Then tell me what's going on in your charming head," he whispers and kisses your cheek.  
You have long considered for the right words. Based on your latest knowledge, which is based on the purchase of a virbrator, you have come to a decision.  
You pull your fingers nervously. He takes your hands in his and kisses them.  
"Don't be nervous," he whispers.  
You place your hands on his shoulders and take a deep breath.  
"Atsumu ... because of our problem ... well my problem ... I thought ... or ... well ... what would you say if I asked you to sleep with other women for the next time?...Until it works....someday"  
You stutter more than you sound convinced of your own idea.

He looks at you like you're kidding him. Then he sighs and his gaze looks slightly annoyed.  
"If you would ask me that, I would probably be very angry. But I am incredibly happy at the moment, but maybe I should tell you about my last weekend. Last weekend I met someone I had sex with some time ago ... good sex ... and that more than once ... I met this girl at the party where I was ... and she gave me clear signals that she would love to sleep with me. And I'm honest, I've been thinking about it. I told myself that we're officially not a couple and I could justify it. And then I thought about all the things I could do with her. And I liked the thoughts except one ... "  
He pauses and strokes your hair out of your face.  
"Which one?" you ask quietly.  
He taps you on the breastbone.  
"She wasn't you ... and the thought that this meaningless sex could change something here ..I couldn't stand even through my alcohol veil and the fact that I had no sex for 2 months...I was sure that I didn´t want it ….and don't call it your problem ... now it is our problem .... and it will work ...."he says and looks at you with a smile.

You wipe your eyes you hate to cry, especially in front of Atsumu.  
He clearly has enough stress with you.  
Atsumu caress your face and kisses you. "You are special ... at least for me, so please don´t talk that shit"  
You hug him as tightly as you can. "Thanks" you whisper.

Then you clap your hands.  
"So now we're going to look for my volleyball shoes," you say smiling.  
Actually you don't have to search, you get a box from the corner of your closet.  
"There was probably no room further back." Atsumu comments.  
You smile embarrassed and open the box. You put a few things out of the box before you find your shoes. Atsumu grabs a picture and looks at it.  
He snaps his fingers against it. "I think I remember your high school." You smile and take the picture from his hand. "I remember Osamu and you too" he looks at you and strokes your cheek.  
"It's good that we finally found each other ..." he says.  
You look at him expectantly. "I hope you will still see it that way, if we ll lose right away"  
He laughs out loud. "We will not.."  
You roll your eyes.  
"We have never played together ..."  
He grins and kisses you. "But I'm on your team"

The volleyball field turns out to be a lawn without much opportunity to change your clothes.  
Atsumu holds a towel in front of you and watches you. "I should eat you out tonight" he says and winks.  
You lean against the towel and kiss him. "Maybe I should use my lips too ..." you say in a husky voice and look at him with a demanding look.  
"Stop talking, otherwise you'll have to hold the towel in front of me."  
Grinning, you tighten your sports bra and finnish changing your clothes.  
You tie your hair in two braids and use a hair band to push your bangs away.  
You notice how Atsumu is watching you.  
"I don't like it when my hair is somehow in my way and I overlook something." you explain smiling  
Atsumu nods. "I think I remember you ..."  
You look at him broadly smiling. "There were 100 girls at these tournaments, I doubt that you remember me." you say dryly and point in one direction.  
"Aren't they on your team?"  
Atsumu's gaze goes in the direction you indicate.  
"Hinata and Bokuto" he says aloud.  
You shrug your shoulders. "I only call them owl type and tangerine."

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Tsum-Tsum" the owl type and the tangerine are introduced to you as Hinata and Bokuto.  
"What do you want here?" Atsumu asks skeptically.  
The two enthusiastically say that in addition to the shopping voucher, there is one year of free food in a restaurant.  
You nod in appreciation, since you won't win, you don't have to worry about it.  
"Who is this?" this question interrupts your thoughts.  
It is the first time that you experience Atsumu speechless. He points to you with his hand and searches for words. He seems to be a bit helpless....it looks incredibly cute.  
You help him out and introduce yourself. The two smiles at Atsumu and you knowingly and that makes you feel uncomfortable.  
You cross your arms behind your head. "What would the organizers actually say if 3 Division 1 players take part in this amateur volleyball tournament here?"  
"They would take a photo" Hinata and Bokuto are firmly convinced of this theory.  
And they would probably be right too. When the two start their warm up, Atsumu and you stay behind.

You put your arms on your hips and turn to Atsumu. "So Tsum-Tsum ... do we want to warm up too? Or do we want to find out during the game, how bad we are with each other?" you smile.

It is really easy to hit Atsumus balls. You hate to admit it, but he's right about it.  
The more insecure you are as you set the ball for him.  
You can't quite interpret the look he gives you afterwards. But you don't dare to ask.  
But in the end it turns out that the most difficult task for you is to remember all of his signs so quickly.

During the tournament things are going surprisingly well with you. Since they are almost exclusively amateur couples, they are not particularly difficult opponents.  
You have to admit it's fun. Astumu makes it so easy for you, that you feel comfortable. He is really fantastic and you are seriously considering of telling him later.  
Suddenly you notice it, you pass the ball to Atsumu and he wants to play it up for you. But he has a mistake in his movement.  
You automatically adjust your run-up to his mistake. After you hit the ball, Atsumu looks at you from the side in surprise.  
"You knew I made a mistake, before I made it ..." he whispers.  
You just smile at him wordlessly and go beack to the serve point.  
You meet Bokuto and Hinata in the final and lose against theam. In this game you realize that you are untrained and Atsumu has to notice it too. He endures the defeat with more composure than you thought.  
Side by side you are sitting in the grass and share a water bottle.  
"Sorry, I think it's my fault ..." you whisper.  
Atsumu laughs.  
"Believe me, with the prospect that Hinata and Bokuto eating free in a restaurant, they would have beaten everyone. You were fantastic ...much more fantastic than I expected …"   
he touches your hand lightly with his. You look ashamed on your legs. "Thanks for bringing me here ..."

You two walk home in silence.  
You are happier than you have been in a long time. Atsumu is just wonderful, he had fun, but doesn't ask much and doesn't try to persuade you to play volleyball again.  
"Would you like to eat something?" Atsumu breaks the peaceful silence. You stop, turn to him and put your hand on the back of your neck and look at him.  
You shake your head slowly.  
"Should we maybe buy things and cook something?"  
Again you shake your head and bite your lower lip.  
"I want you to take me home, we´ll take a shower and then... I want to use my lips"  
He kisses you with a smile.  
"I can't say no there ... but I'll have to talk to you about something later ..."  
You look at him questioningly.  
"Should I be worried?"  
He shakes his head slightly. "Not in the slightest …"

When you unlock the apartment door, Mayu is just coming out of her room. She looks pretty.  
"I'm going to dance today ..." she announces. You nod "Would you like to join?"  
You look at Atsumu uncertainly, but he has put on his usual laugh.  
"Well Mayu ... we played volleyball all day ... and ...."  
Mayu laughs. "Okay, okay ... I see …"  
She pats your head with a laugh and walks past you.  
She is almost out of the door when she turns around again.  
"Condoms are in the closet in the bathroom, feel free to take them," she says with a grin and closes the door.  
You sigh deeply as you look behind her.

Atsumu puts his arms around you.  
"I don't think anyone will get anywhere,if you stress yourself all the time. And you promised me your lips ..." he whispers and kisses your neck.  
You love it when he does it.  
"Do you want to take a shower first or should I?" he mumbles against your neck.  
You grasp his head and pull him to your lips. "Take me to the shower" you whisper and let him lift you up.  
You shower together and touch each other. It's pretty much the hottest thing you've ever expierened in your life. You just notice how much experience he has, he knows where to touch you so that you feel good.  
"It's worth waiting for you every second." he whispers as he dries you with a towl.  
You kiss him "I have wine in the fridge. Can you get it?"  
He grins and kisses you again.  
When he leaves the bathroom you drive through your face nervously.  
Then you kneel in front of the bathroom closet and take a condom out of the box.

Atsumu smiles and hands you a glass of wine and you drink it gratefully.  
"Thirsty?" he asks and you nod.  
A little alcohol veil won´t hurt now. So you pour yourself another glass and go to your room.  
You slide the condom under your bedside lamp and sit on your bed and open the towel.  
When Atsumu comes into the room with his glass and the bottle, he smiles. "I could just look at you all evening ... this sight ... you are so beautiful ..."  
You raise an eyebrow.  
"Before you start painting me, will you come to me and we'll make out?"  
Grinning, he puts the bottle down and comes to you.  
"How can I say no to a naked woman?" he whispers and covers your body with kisses.  
You empty your glass and pull him up to you. He kisses you and you push him on his back.  
You kiss him slowly and let your hand slide over his abs, until you touch his cock.  
When you touches it he draws in the air sharply and you have to grin. It excites you how strongly he reacts to you.  
When you want to loosen his lips, he bites your lower lip with his teeth.  
Moaning, you give in and kiss him again.  
You stroke his cock until it's hard, when you slide down you notice how he slides his hand between your thighs.  
"Come on my face" he whispers, an you are a little unsure, but trust him.  
He wraps your waist with his hands and pulls you down on his mouth.

He encloses your clitoris with his lips and runs his tongue over it.  
Groaning, you lean forward and support yourself on his thighs.  
„Fuck“ you breathe and he sucks again.  
You really have to concentrate, when you take his cock back in your hand, you encloses his tip with your lips and run your tounge over it. You have to stop your action again, because you need to moan of all these feelings Atsumu creates between your legs.  
You take a breath and you close your lips around his cock again and push it into your mouth as far as possible. Atsumu moans against your pussy and it only makes you wetter.  
With your hand you rub his shaft, suck firmly on his glans and push it further into your mouth.  
You repeat this until you taste the first drops of precum.  
But you can´t go on anymore. You need to stop almost out of breathe.  
You sit up and enjoy what Astumu does with his tongue in your vagina. Moaning, you sit on his face, running your hair and start moving your hips slowly.  
"Oh God" you gasp and it only causes Atsumu to push you even closer to his face, to suck on your clitoris. His fingers dig into your thighs and you move your hips more and more.  
Panting, you lean on his chest and gasp his name as the waves of orgasm run through your body.  
You get off his face with shaky legs. He is just as breathless as you are. Breathing heavily, you lean over him and kiss in.  
"That was incredible" you gasp against his lips and notice how everything tastes like you.  
"You're all wet ..." you smile against his lips.  
"So you are ..." he says and leads your hand back to his cock.  
You stop and clasp your fingers with his. You reach behind you and pull out the condom.  
"Well Atsumu ... maybe I shouldn't end it with my lips?" you say, open your hand and show Atsumu the condom.  
Atsumu smiles broadly, then he becomes serious again and runs over your cheek.   
"Are you really sure?" he whispers and you nod.  
Atsumu looks just as happy as when you played volleyball with him a few hours ago.  
You watch him put the condom on.  
His eyes are looking for yours. "Tell me as soon as I should stop or something hurts ... okay?"  
You nod again and notice how your muscles tighten.  
Atsumu kneels in front of you and opens your legs. He leans forward and kisses you. You put your hands around his neck and hold on to him.  
You close your eyes and wait for what is going to happen.

Again and again you feel his lips on yours.  
You notice how he drives his cock over your clit and looks for your entrance.   
You are not able to move anymore, you just pray that it would work.  
"Im gonna go slow ...." he whispers and kisses you again.  
When you feel his tip, you see the pictures again. They twitch like lightning before your eyes.  
Atsumu slowly pushes into your pussy with a moan.  
The surge of pain shoots through your body. All your efforts to pull yourself together fail. You scream and a panicked Atsumu pulls out of you.  
He holds you tight and tears come to your eyes.  
You push him off you and get out of bed.  
You have to get out of here.  
You are almost at the door when Atsumu hugs you from behind.  
"Please don't run away from me now ..." he whispers imploringly.  
Breathing hard, you notice how he carefully places his cheek on your shoulder, his arms crossed in front of your chest.  
"I noticed that you are tense and I did it anyway ... I'm sorry ... it's my fault ..." Atsumu whispers.  
This statement makes you cry even more you turn around.  
"... No Atsumu ... it's not your fault I'm just broken ... and I should probably come to terms with buying a cat someday so I don't have to be alone …because no man can endure that ..."  
Atsumu laughs.  
"I would prefer a dog ... cats are so stubborn ... and I already have you ..."  
You look at him blankly.  
"I'm not giving up on you ... this day was probably one of the most beautiful in months for me ...we are a good team, it was so fun to play Volleyball with you ... well the sex problem is shit ... but as long as you try and we slowly improve, I am satisfied...just please don't run away from me, just see me as part of the problem that we solve together. Because we are a team ... "

You cry and lean against his chest.  
"I'm so fucked up ..."  
Atsumu caresses your back.  
"Yeah... I was too ... and then I met you …"  
He slowly goes back to bed with you and covers you.  
"You were never fucked up. You always got through your life well. Even if you fucked any girl in the toilet, everyone patiently waited in front of the door, until you were done .... and nobody really cared"  
Atsumu laughs and kisses your shoulder.  
"And you don't call that fucked up?"  
You turn to him.  
"Since the morning with you in the kitchen after I fucked your friend ... you are the first person where I feel understood ... with my extravagance and my views ...you treated me with respect anyway ... that's not self-evident ... and it pisses me off that I can't have the sex with you that we deserve …"   
He strokes your hair from your face.  
"And believe me ... the day with you ended up making me happier than having quick sex with any girl in a toilet ... there is too much to discover in you and I want to know everything"  
You can´t stop crying. He hugs you so tenderly and you are feeling so safe.  
"My biggest problem at the moment is that I couldn't tell Hinata and Bokuto, that you are my girlfriend ... because I think thats what you are …"  
You hug him as tightly as you can ... "I don't know if I love you or ..." you say, intimidated by his speech.  
He laughs and strokes your hair.  
"I'm not talking about love here either ... I want to give us a label ... so we can find out if we are able to do it ... because I think we can achieve a lot together ... so think about it ... "he says and kisses your forehead.  
It still takes a while to calm down.  
Atsumu just holds you in his arm and caresses your back.  
You smell his fragrance and enjoy his embrace, it takes a while until you finally say  
"Yes, I would really like to be your girlfriend"


	5. Chapter 5

The next 6 months you are incredibly happy. Atsumu and you are fantastic together, you endure each others moods and you have the feeling that you are needed and you need him too.  
Only the sex problem has not yet been solved. You tried it 5 more times, but as soon as you let him into your body, there is nothing but pain.  
This frustrates you and you're just afraid to try it again.  
You know that pisses Atsumu off and you don't really speak about this topic anymore. You try to keep him happy with blow jobs and it works quite well.

You stand next to Osamu at his food stall and watch your boyfriend and his team losing their game.  
Already at the final whistle you can see that Atsumu's mood is at the basement.  
You sigh and watch people leave the hall.  
When you see Atsumu, you know there is no point in telling him that you are proud and that he played great.  
So you're waiting for his reaction.  
But that does not happen, he considers you a quick look and then turns to his brother.  
You watch the situation with irritation.  
Then he finally comes to you and kisses you on the cheek. You are also a little confused about this, usually it is important to him that everyone is able to see that you are a couple.  
You smile at him, "Do you want to go home?"  
He stares at you with a strange look on his face.  
"Are you going to let me fuck you there?" is all he asks.  
You look at him stunned, you could cry, but pull yourself together.  
"Sorry" he mumbles and wipes his eyes.  
"Say ... How are you talking to me??" you whisper still stunned.  
He rolls his eyes. "I apologized .... but no, I need a little time for myself – alone"  
You nod irritated and are amazed at his behavior.  
You don't even get a kiss when you say goodbye. "I'll write to you tomorrow .."  
You look after him in amazement, and feel a huge lump in your chest.

Sadly you turn to Osamu again and help him pack his stuff.  
"Hey ... you don't have to do this ..." says Osamu, looking at you pityingly.  
You shrug your shoulders.  
"Apparently I have time now" your voice sounds brittle and that annoys you.  
Osamu comes to you and hugs you.  
"He will calm down again ... you know his moods"  
You nod and wipe your eyes.  
"I just have never been a victim of his moods“ you try to smile.  
Osamu strokes your back and grins at you.  
"He just has the mental age of a 10 years old boy sometimes, so let him come down and tomorrow everything is going to be fine, again."  
You nod and hope that Osamu is right.

On your way home you ponder all the time and keep staring at your phone hoping to see a message from Atsumu.  
But nothing.

You sit depressed on the couch when Mayu comes singing in to the door.  
"Whats wrong?" she asks in astonishment.  
You bite in a bar of chocolate.  
"I get my period and my boyfriend behaved like an asshole today …"  
She grimaces.  
"That sucks" she says and drops down next to you.  
Together you stare at the TV.  
Then she takes your hand and smiles at you. "Put on something hot, we're going to a party," she says.  
When you grimace and want to protest, she covers your mouth. "No, no, I don't accept a" no ".... Since you've been with Atsumu, we rarely do anything together. So let me use your little argument, so that you can go out with me."  
She is right and you dig your way out of your blankets.  
"I have to take a shower first." you say and Mayu hugs you happyli.

And Mayu is right somewhere. After you put on some nice clothes and some make-up, you feel already better.  
Smiling you are waiting for her in the living room.

You have a great time enjoying yourself, you calm down and although you don´t know someone there you have great talks.  
You even look less on your cell phone and this lump in your throat is almost gone. You even come to the conclusion that Atsumu will have calmed down tomorrow and at least that you will solve the problem.  
So you start feeling hungry again, its although a good sign.  
As you walk into the kitchen, you see a well-known back while he watches the food.  
You stand next to him. "Yes, it doesn't look as good as yours ..." you comment and Osamu's eyes go to you.  
"You are here too ..." he states in suprise.  
You nod "Yes, I don't know anyone here, but my roommate said I should go out and not be self-pitying on the sofa."

He presses the plate into your hand.  
"She's right and now you know me ..."  
Osamu has become a really good friend in the past few months.  
Therefore you are happy that he is there. You sit on a sofa, eat and talk about the day.  
"Is Atsumu doing a little better?" you ask quietly.  
He shrugs and looks at you questioningly.  
"I actually thought you could tell me that.“  
You shake your head slowly.  
"No ... he has never been to me like that today ... so I thought I'd better leave him alone …"  
Osamu sighs and hands you a beer.  
"Yes, his mood hasn't changed much either. But it's not your fault, so the way he treats you is not fair."  
You look concerned at your beer.  
"Well, it's not always easy with me …"  
Osamu laughs.  
"Yeah, which person is easy?....But it still makes him happy to be with you ... and you changed him ... in a positive way in my opinion ... he's just faced with a situation he doesn't know ... that overwhelms him. ..so maybe you should write him first ... "  
You wipe the drops of water off the glass.  
"Do you really think he's happy?"  
Osamu laughs again.  
"He wouldn't be with you anymore if he weren't. He's too selfish for that"  
You nod. Osamu is right. Atsumu quickly sorts people out of his life.  
So you pull your cell phone out of your pocket and open Atsumus chat window.

"I'm sorry"

Is all you write.  
Osamu rolls his eyes.  
"You don't have to apologize to this idiot."  
You're smiling. "I'm bad at something like this and for some reason he is mad at me..."  
Your cell phone is already vibrating.

Atsumu:  
"It's okay"

You smile uncertainly, because his answer isn´t really satisfying.

"What are you doing?“

Osamu watches you, just as Atsumu always watches you when he doubts.

Atsumu:  
" I'm going to bed soon..."

You mumble his answer and look at the clock. You tell Osamu about Atsumus' plans and he also looks doubtful.  
You shrug your shoulders.  
"Obviously, he has still no interest in communicating with me."you say and take a big sip of beer.  
Osamu looks thoughtfully at his beer.  
"Yes, he should be smarter ..." he murmurs.

Mayu comes to you and you introduce her to Osamu.  
Amazingly, Mayu has a serious interest in him and how is life beeing a twin. Osamu answers patiently and seems to flirt with her in his subtle way.

Smilling, you apologize to the toilet, on your way there you can see in the garden.  
And what you are able to see there, takes your breath away.  
A pretty girl is sitting on a bench and your boyfriend is sitting next to her with his hand on her leg.  
You are breathing heavily and you notice how your blood pressure rises.  
This girl also gets the flirting Atsumu, who smiles, plays with his eyes and gives you the feeling that you are the most beautiful woman in the world.  
You watch the situation for a while, it looks like he's going to take her home right away. That's how he behaves when he's horny. There's a mix of anger, disappointment and overwhelming within you. 

Tears rise in your eyes and you wipe your face. And the worst of all he lied to you.  
You are so angry and disappointed. You stare stunned out of the window and wonder, whether you have any important things at Atsumu´s place.  
Actually not important ... except your volleyball shoes. You go back to Osamu, who is staring at you in amazement.  
"What's happening?" he asks concerned.  
You wipe your face again.  
"May I borrow your front door key, please?"  
Osamu looks at you questioningly.  
"What the hell is going on here?"  
Tears run down your cheeks, which you frantically try to wipe.  
"Atsumu is here and he's sitting outside with another gir,l he has a very obvious interest in. I would like to pick up my things from your room, before he goes there with this girl."you are desperately trying to keep your voice under control.  
"That idiot ....." Osamu whispers.  
"So can I have your key please?"  
He nods and hands you his key.  
"But....you don't want to leave him ..."  
You shake your head. „ I dont know.....I told him he could sleep with other girls... he should just tell me ... and now..." your voice breaks and Osamu hugs you.  
"You absolutely have to talk to him ...I know he has feelings for you ... I don't know what he's doing there ... but I know that he ..."  
You shake your head.  
"No, I don't think these feelings are enough ..." As you say this, you realize for the first time that you love Atsumu.  
You hug Osamu again. "I'll bring the key back to you and we'll stay in touch otherwise. Thanks"

When you feel the fresh air on your face, you take a deep breath.  
You start running as fast as you can. You are not stupid, you know Osamu will tell his brother.  
And you can't just look him in his face.  
You are able to understand everything, but he should just be honest that was all you wanted.  
You don't care that it's dark and you're alone. You just run as fast as you can, until you are at the front door.  
You frantically unlock and run into the apartment.  
A small part of you still hopes to see the sleeping Atsumu in his bed. But there is nothing.  
You search hectically for your shoes and a few clothes, you are just back from the bathroom. when you see his jersey lying on the armchair.

Slowly you walk towards the armchair, take the jersey in your hand and let yourself fall down.  
Crying, you press the jersey against your chest.  
You should have told him the truth about you. He might have been able to help you and you should have told him that you love him.  
And now? Loves him an idiotic whore and you're alone again. You're still crying in silence, when you hear the door.  
"Fuck" you whisper and wipe your face.  
You gather your things together hectically and leave, but at the room door you stare in the eyes of a hard breathing Atsumu.  
"Get out of my way" you mumble but you don't dare to look at him.  
"What are you doing here?" he asks stunned  
You're glaring at him.  
"I got my things so they don't get in your way when you fuck cheap girls here …"  
He pushes you back into his room and sits you on his bed.   
"Calm down ... I'm not fucking other girls ..." he says coldly.  
You look at Atsumu blankly. For some reasons his left cheek is red.

"I saw you !!!! I saw you and this woman!" you shout at him angrily.  
"But I didn't sleep with her!!" he drives at you just as angrily.  
You tap him on his chest. "It was only a matter of time and if your brother hadn't interfered with you, you would probably be in her now"  
Atsumu snorts and you are able to feel his anger.  
"I haven't been in anyone for over 6 months !!!! I don't even know how it feels like anymore !! Before I knew you I had sex every week !!! And now I'm happy when I get a blow job every now and then... " he shouts and points at you.  
You're scared, Atsumu has never spoken to you like this. But you hold his gaze. "Why are you still with me when I burden your life like this?"  
Now he dodges your gaze, gets up and walks across the room.  
"Because it is more important to me that you are in my life than the fact of having sex ...“  
You snort, "It looked very different just an hour ago …"

He wipes his hair. "I had a shitty day okay? And god believe I would like to throw you on this bed and do things with you that make you gasp. But I´m hardly allowed to touch you as long as you are sober. Today, I would have loved to give you a bottle of wine and tell you that you should drink it and that we can finally get it out of the way ... "He increases his monologue more and more.  
His words hurt you, more and more tears are running down your cheeks.  
"You don't even try it anymore ..." there is so much sadness in this sentence, but you're too angry to recognize it.  
"I told you you could sleep with other women. I'm also not angry that you considered it. I'm angry because you acted like an asshole the whole day and lied to me !!" you scream in tears.

Atsumu laughs loudly and sardonically. "Oh stop telling me something about lies! I've been accepting your lies for months ..."   
You look at him questioningly.   
He pulls a brown envelope from his desk and throws it on the bed next to you.  
You open the envelope and see photos and reports of yourself from your active volleyball time.  
"I thought it was very strange that someone who is as good as you ... yes, I would even say that you are better than me ... just stop playing volleyball, because you are left behind. When I played with you I saw it and I saw that you are happy. So I asked around a bit ... how many professional clubs wanted you? 2 or 3? "He asks provocatively.  
You look guilty at your hands. "You spied on me?"

He sniffs and leans against the desk.  
"My couch is the brother of the coach of your university team. I didn't have to sniff a lot. But the question is still open." Why do you study some shit when you had such opportunities? "  
You stare at your hands in silence.  
You are searching for the right words, but they are difficult to find. Atsumu looks as mad at you as you look at him.  
"You see !! And again it's a big secret, which you obviously don't want to tell.!!!“  
You can clearly see how angry he is. But the words are stuck in your throat and you cannot say them.  
"It's just like the thing about our sex problem. I'm sure there is something you don't tell me. After all, you are not a virgin, so you were able to have sex once. But we're not talking about it either, not about the guy and everything else that has to do with it. "He sits down in the armchair and breathes.  
Then he looks at you and his face pierces you.  
"Do you actually know how it hurts that I hurt the woman I love so much as soon as I sleep with her? And I want you to feel good ... I don't want to push you, but I just don't know what to do anymore .. "  
The words give you goose bumps.   
You have never talked about love, it always seemed a little early and you were never sure how love felt.  
And now he tells you something about his love and it's more of an accusation than anything else.  
Your heart beats fast and you have to wipe your eyes again and again.

"I can't go on like this ... I want to go home ..."you say and get up.  
He grins and shakes his head.  
"You're still not telling me anything? I'm begging and begging and getting nothing from you?" he asks stunned.  
You rub your eyes. Your thoughts are racing and you have no strength to cry anymore  
.  
"At the moment everything sounds like a reproach ..... but well ...What do you want to know?" you say and cross your arms over your chest.  
Atsumu looks stunned. "Did you even listen to me ?! Please tell me .. please ... what did this guy do differently? Why could he touch you?  
What the hell did he do differently?!?   
You look at him. His look is really more than desperate, his eyes are almost pleading.  
You stare at him wordlessly and then the words gush out of your mouth.  
"He raped me" you say toneless.  
It is the first time in your life that you utter this sentence.  
Your whole body feels numb.  
Atsumu looks at you wordlessly.  
You desperately need a hug, but instead of hugging you, Atsumu laughs quietly.  
"Seriously? ..." he says quietly.  
He asks you like you're kidding him. You take a deep breath. You expected him not to believe you, but it still hurts.  
You gather all your strength.  
"Then we are finished here ..." you say quietly, take your things and walk past him.


	6. Chapter 6

Slowly, you are walking home.  
You don't care about the rain,which falls on your head – you're alone again.  
When you arrive at home, you are completely soaked.

Mayu isn´t home yet. When you stand in front of the bathroom mirror, you nod to yourself.  
"You said it ..." you whisper.  
You look totally howled, your tears have left marks on your make-up.  
You wash your face thoroughly and think about Atsumu's reaction over and over again.  
You rub your skin dry and put on comfortable clothes.  
Atsumu was definitely overwhelmed, thats why he reacted like this. You know that, but his reaction just hurt, it took you so much strenght to tell it.  
Unfortunately you need him now. You don´t wanna be alone.  
You look at your cell phone and consider of writing Atsumu. But somehow you are missing the right words.  
You cried so much today that you are amazed at how calm you are, at the moment.

You are on the way to your room when it knocks on your door.. You are sure that it is Atsumu, but as you open the door you startle. Atsumu stands full of tears, soaking wet at the door.   
You have never seen Atsumu cry like this, you automatically open your arms.  
He gratefully hugs you.  
"I'm such an idiot.... please forgive me ..." he starts whispers and starts to sob again.  
Slowly you drive him over his back and wait until he has calmed down a bit.  
You lean your head against his shoulder and hed rocks you back and forth.  
You don't need more, thats all you want.  
"You're all wet ..." you say quietly.  
He sighs and kisses your forehead.  
"It doesn't matter ... I just want to hold you …“

You start to wonder what is bothering him more, the fact that he is so sorry for his behavior, or the things you have told him.  
You run your hand through his wet hair and look at him.  
"Could you kiss me?" you ask softly and wipes the tears from his cheeks.  
He kisses you as softly, as if you were made of glass.  
"Don't you think we could leave the hall and go to my room?"  
Atsumu nods and follows you to your room.  
You rummage in your closet.  
"Wait, I have another tshirt from you somewhere …"  
You hand him the t-shirt and watch him change it. When he only stands in shorts in front of you, you raise an eyebrow.  
"Or you just stay that way," you say with a wink.  
You only get an unsure smile. You just hope that the mood is going to change soon. What you need least is pity.  
Atsumu stands uncertainly in front of you.  
"Would you like to go to bed and hug me?"  
He nods again.  
The mood is strange , you have never experienced Atsumu like this. It feels somewhat distant, but also incredibly close.  
You lie down next to him and under the covers, you put your head on his chest.  
His heartbeat is calm and steady. While you are lying on his chest, you realize how tired you are. You also don't know, if you should talk now ... but you know that you can't sleep as long as Atsumu is in such a mood.

"I thought that only happened to others…"he says after a while.  
You push yourself a little closer to him.  
"I think people always think that way, until it happens," you murmur.  
"I acted like an idiot ... that with the girl was shit, that I approached you was shit and my reaction was the top of the shit things today ..." his voice sounds monotonous - not like Atsumu.  
You sigh.   
"I think, if you hadn't been so demanding, I probably still wouldn't have told you – and acutally I wanted to do it for a long time...“  
He sighs and his hand squeezes your shoulder.  
"That shouldn't be a reproach now ... but why didn't you tell me much earlier? I never would have ..." His voice breaks off again.  
"It´s embarrassing and I feel incredibly ashamed ... I haven't even said it load until today ..."  
Now your voice is cracked too. "I was terrified that you didn't want me anymore …"

You feel his lips on your forehead. "This is nonsense ... this is absolutely nonsense …" he whispers.  
You shrug your shoulder and wipe the tears from your eyes.  
"You are Atsumu ... every girl stares at you ... you can choose which one you want ... I was just afraid that I would be rationalized away ...What do you want with a broken girl like me, if you can take a different working one every night?" you explain sobbing.

"I've been thinking about what's different here for a long time. I'm always worrying about you, and I´m missing you when you're not here, so it's actually really tiring ... but as soon as you're with me ... I´m feeling complete...I've never felt anything like that ... and that overwhelms me, sometimes. Like today. It pissed me off that you were with Osamu and not directly with me. It pissed me off that I couldn't concentrate today, because I had to think about my feelings. Then I wanted to prove something to myself and flirt with some girl, I only realized how stupid it is, when Osamu knocked me off “  
You stroke his cheek. "That's why it's red ..." you whisper.  
Atsumu grins. "Yes my brother was very clear ..."  
Then he hugs you and you have the feeling that he would like to crawl into you.  
"... and at the crowning end of the day I accuse you more or less that I love you ..." sighs Atsumu.  
"I am sorry."

You kiss and hug him again.  
"I'm glad you're here …"  
He strokes your back.  
"I'm not leaving you for anything. Hey, before I knew you, I was a male whore."  
You laugh and look at him.  
"I told you before that whores take money."  
He laughs.  
"Yes, but my lifestyle was similar, I didn't really care, about the personality of the pussy that I fucked."  
You start feeling guilty again. Now he doesn't fuck anything. You press yourself closer to him and your thoughts are racing.  
"I love you" Atsumu mumbles into your hair and pulls you out of your thoughts.  
These words are moving your heart so much.  
You kiss him without answering - long and intimate.

But there is still the elephant which is standing in the room. He has questions but will not ask them. He just opened his heart, so you should drop your wall too.  
For a while you are just lying in the dark. Your hand on his chest, which he strokes slowly with his thumb.

With a deep sight you try to find the right words to discribe the incident, which changed everything.  
"It was in my first year at university. I was wing spiker, in our team and I was planing to play as a professional, soon. We had a training game against another university.  
I was in really good shape .... You would have been so proud, if you had seen me "  
You laugh bitterly and notice tears welling up in your eyes again. Atsumu squeezes your hand tighter.  
"Once I had a smile, just like yours... with just as much self-confidence and arogance ..."  
He laughs softly. He knows about his bad habits.  
"We won the match easily...  
My mother embroidered a towel for me, which was a kind of my lucky charm ... After the game I missed this towel ... So I went back into the hall...I finally looked in the room where the cleaning agents are ... "  
The memory makes your body shiffer. You take a deep breath and clear your throat.  
".... then I heard a voice behind me ... and then I saw him ... he was telling me all the time about my smile and that he would made me smile even wider ...“You sit up, get a tissue and lean your back against the wall.  
Atsumu sits down next to you.  
".... Then it just happened .... at first I resisted ... then he covered my mouth with his hand ... and ...."  
Tears running down your cheeks.  
".... It hurt so much ... it hurt so incredibly ... I begged him to stop ...all the time....“  
Atsumu takes your hand again.  
"Really you have to believe me ... I said that I don't want this ... you have to believe me ..." you say crying.  
Atsumu puts his hand on your cheek.  
"Of course I believe you ..." he whispers in a tearful voice.  
You wipe away the tears with the handkerchief.

It feels like you are far away, as if it were someone else's story.  
"... I can't remember that afterwards ... I just know that I went home ... and in my pants...my pants were full of blood and his ..... his ... sperm ... "you bring out crying.  
".... Then I took a shower, but it took ages to be clean ...and the next day I took the morning-after pill ... but I didn't dare to go to a doctor ... and I´m so sorry..... "

Atsumu hugs you.  
"It won't happen to you anymore ... I take care of you ... I promise I will take care of you" he murmurs and kisses your forehead.  
You take his hand. "Whenever we tried...to …. have sex.... I saw his face in front of me ... he was lying on me with his eyes closed ... I don't want that ... but it just happens ..."  
He nods and hugs you as tight as he can.  
"I understand that ... and it's not your fault ... it´s just his ... and we'll find a solution .. thank you for telling me...for trusting me..." he whispers.  
You sight. "And that's why I'm always with Osamu during your games. I can't stand the smell of sports halls anymore ... and at Osamu´s stall I can look at you without feeling sick ..." you sigh deeply .  
"..... because it smells of food ..." Atsumu ends your sentence. And you nod,

You laugh sarcastically and takes his hand. "And now you know the story of my incredibly romantic defloration"  
You rub your eyes and crawl on Atsumus' lap. He kisses you. "I'll do it better, I promise ...!“  
You are still shiffering from all the crying and you are feeling so exhausted from the day.   
All you need is Atsumus embrace.  
He holds you in his arm, kisses you and offers you something you haven't had for a long time – security. He is still with you, even if you are broken.  
Atsumu lies behind you and holds you. You feel his slow breath on your neck.  
"Atsumu?" you ask quietly.  
"Yes?" he whispers hoarsely.  
"I love you too...."  
He laughs softly and kisses you on the back of your neck.

Atsumus tired, brown eyes is the first thing you see in the morning.  
You move closer to him.  
"Did you sleep?" you ask in a sleepy voice.  
Atsumu grumbles and runs through your hair.  
"I don't know - a little bit ..."  
On his dark circles it is clearly legible, which means „a little bit“.   
You feel bad because you slept very well.  
You kiss him "I am sorry..."  
He strokes your strand of hair from your face.  
"You don't have to feel sorry for anything …"  
You pull a pout. "I'm not so sure ... but as I know you, you already have questions ... or thoughts ... I just want to warn you ... I don't know how I react to suggestions on how to deal with the situation "  
He nods. "I have only one question at the moment ..."  
You would prefer to talk drunk about this topic, but you can hardly open a wine at 10 a.m. So you look at him expectantly.

"Who was it?" Atsumu's view is determined.  
You avoid his eyes and pull on your hands.  
"The coach of the other team" .. you say and try to get up.  
Atsumu is holding you. "Please don't run away ...."  
You take a deep breath and sit back.  
"Have you been at the police?"  
You shake your head.  
"Do you know his name?"  
You look at your hands in concern.  
"Not really...."  
Atsumu says your name and you don't know if it sounds hectic or annoyed.  
"You have to tell me his name, I swear I'm going there and Osamu will help me ...."  
You grab his wrist.  
"Stop ... Atsumu you won't go anywhere and I ask you not to tell Osamu either ... that's a thing between you and me …"  
He stares at you wordlessly, then hugs you and kisses you.  
"I hate this guy ... I just feel so helpless ..."  
You kiss him on the forehead.  
"You are doing so much for me. And now I'm making breakfast for us"  
He smiles and watches you go to the door.

You open the door and close it immediately.  
With a big grin you lean against the door.  
Atsumu looks at you in surprise.  
"Your brother is in my kitchen …"  
You can see in Atsumu's eyes how he processes the information. Then he opens his eyes and points in the direction of Mayu's room.  
"He.... and she...?" he stutters and storms to you at the door.  
"How could that be?"  
You laugh and put your hands over your mouth.  
"I introduced them to each other yesterday ... the question is: Does Osamu know that you had sex with Mayu?"  
Atsumu shrugs. "I don't remember if I told him that, but I'll do it in a minute." he grins enthusiastically.  
You laugh and stand in front of the door with your arms crossed.  
"You won't do that ..."  
Atsumus laugh changes.  
"Atsumu promise me you won't …"  
He puts his arm around your shoulder and grins.  
He says your name and you have to grin too.  
"Just imagine how funny it would be ..." his voice sounds very excited.  
You put your hand on his shoulder.  
"Please don't - just stand over the situation ... and I don't know why you're so happy about the fact that you both banged the same pussy"  
Atsumu looks at you questioningly, then laughs and takes you by the chin. "Sometimes you got such a sailor´s moth ..."  
He kisses you slowly and tenderly.

"And I was in first, so it's kind of not so bad"  
You shake your head in disbelief.  
"You're unbelievable"  
He hugs you and kisses you again.  
"Do you see how lucky you are, with such an unbelievable guy like me?" he says exaggeratedly.  
You laugh and get serious again.  
"I think I really am...“  
The corners of Atsumu's mouth smile honestly. Then he kisses you deeply and holds you close.   
„Okay and now it´s showtime“

You open your room door and before you step out of it, Osamu turns to you.  
"Ahh our incredibly in love couple ... did you sleep well?"  
Before you can answer, Atsumu shoves you aside.  
"The question is, how did you sleep?"  
The provocation in Atsumus voice is hard to miss.  
You hit him on the shoulder and he laughs.  
Osamu crosses his arms.  
"Since the alternative would have been a park bench, I slept very well on the sofa ..."  
At the sentence, you put your hand on your mouth.  
"I'm so terribly sorry …" you whisper.  
Atsumu turns to you and Osamu grins.  
"I forgot to give you the key back."  
Osamu shakes his head.  
"Thank God, you have a nice roommate who offered me the sofa."  
Atsumu laughs out loud.  
"You know her roommate and you slept on the sofa?"  
Again you hit him on the shoulder and this time you really seem to trigger something like pain.  
"You have so much strength ..." he whispers and rubs his shoulder.  
You raise your eyebrows laughing.   
"You shouldn´t forget that …" you hiss.

With a sight you stand in front of Osamu, then you open your arms and hug him. "I'm so sorry, I'll invite you to dinner or something ..."  
Osamu shakes his head.  
"No, your roommate is really nice ... we really had a nice evening ..."  
Behind Osamus back you signal Atsumu, that he should refrain from commenting.

Surprisingly, he listens to you.  
"But you can do me a favor ..." Osamu continues.  
"I have a stand at the city festival next weekend, my employee has canceled me and you know my processes and so on .. maybe you would help me?"  
During the past 6 months you have helped Osamu many times and you like the idea that you are able to go to the city festival and don't have to walk through the crowds.  
So you enthusiastically agree and get a groan from Atsumu.

"A volleyball career sacrificed to sell food. Why is the story repeating itself?"  
Osamu and you roll your eyes almost in sync.  
"You wouldn't have time for me anyway, because you are going to play volleyball in Tokyo, my heart," you say in a sweet voice.  
Atsumu grumbles something incomprehensible.  
Then he looks at you.  
"But I´ll be back in the evening ..."  
You nod and hug his arm happily.  
"In the evening you can watch the fireworks with me and 1000 other couples and I expect you to act that you like it"  
He laughs and kisses you on the cheek.  
"That´s a date"  
You smile bitterly.  
"Then make sure you´ll win, otherwise your mood will be pretty fucked up."  
Atsumu rolls his eyes. "Isn't the meal ready soon?"  
You smile and he puts his hand on your hip.

Atsumu spends the whole day with you. He tries to pretend that everything is normal, but you can see that he's brooding.  
You would like to help him, but you don't know how. He is lying on your bed, staring alternately at his cell phone or at the ceiling.  
You type something for your university and watch him.  
"Don't you have training, today?"  
Atsumu's brown eyes are looking for yours.  
"I canceled it today …"  
You look at him wordlessly.  
"I just can't today ... the thought of leaving you alone is wrong."  
You sigh.  
"Atsumu ...."  
He interrupts you.  
"I know ... tomorrow it will be different again ... but today I would just like to be here ... if you don't mind"  
"I don't mind, you just never gave up training voluntarily ..."  
He buzzes in agreement and you keep working.

"Can I ask you something?" Atsumu asks after some time of silence.  
"Of course," you answer and interrupt your writing.  
Since you already realize,how difficult it is for him to formulate the question, you already know that it will be uncomfortable.  
"Have you ever thought about doing therapy?" he asks carefully.  
You don't really want to talk about it or that someone interferes with it.  
But since you let him know, so you are probably a team, now.  
You nod "Yes."  
He keeps looking at you expectantly.  
"But then I decided to displace it."  
You know that your answer is shit. So you are surprised that he just hums in agreement.  
You wonder about it for a moment, but when he talks about ordering pizza for dinner , you go back to work.

When you eat pizza and watch TV on the bed, you realize how hungry you actually are.  
There are some children in the movie, which are playing on a sea.  
"Do you actually want children?" Atsumu asks, chewing.  
You have to smile, you´ve a slight feeling why he is asking it now.  
"Yes, I think so ... I like the thought ... And you? "  
He shrugs.  
"I've never thought about it ... until now I've always hoped that no one would call me and tell me I was going to be a father ..." he grins.  
You wrinkle your nose.  
"Don't you prevent?"  
He laughs. "Most of the time ..."  
You smile uncertainly. You would have thought that he is smarter.  
"Then the fear is probably justified"

He nods. "Definitely. But sometimes you just do things because you're horny."  
Now you nod.  
"May be..."  
He takes your hand, kisses it, and bites off a piece of your pizza.  
You laugh. " Hey! You could have just asked me ..."  
He chews, smiles and then gets serious.  
"Okay ... I think you are the first woman with who, I could imagine having a child with - in 10 years or something ...I don't want to push you to anything, but I want you to be fine ... so could you imagine doing therapy? ...I will be by your side, I will arrange my training, so that I can attend every appointment with you. I'll wait in the waiting room or in front of the door and when you're done I'll hug you ...I just would like that a child is possible – someday...in 10 years.. and that you can visit one of my volleyball games without having to hang out with my brother all the time ... "

You sights and pull a pout.  
"Okay ..." you agree.  
Atsumu drops his piece of pizza.  
"Okay? ... I thought I had to beg …"  
You clear your throat.  
"I already knew what you were going to ask me, when you asked me about children. ... I'm really afraid to talk about it ... but I see that it can´t go on like this ...and you sacrifice a lot for me, so I should be able to do that too, "you say with an uncertain smile.  
He puts his pizza away and kisses you.  
"Thank you ... I'll be there, if you need me …"

You sigh and look at him gratefully.  
"You know, since he ... you know ... in me ... I would like to make a test for sexually transmitted diseases …"  
Atsumu nods.  
"I'm going to the doctor with you ..."  
You nod and try to steer your thinking in the right direction.  
"Yes, I want to protect you and I couldn't forgive myself, if I infected you with something ..."  
Atsumu nods and your eyes meet.  
He sighs deeply.  
"And since we are already there, I also let myself be tested …"  
You kiss him laughing.  
"I'm sorry you have so much trouble with me ..." you whisper.  
He strokes your hair from your face and rolls his eyes.   
"Somehow I feel like you are worth it ..."


	7. Chapter 7

You´ve never thought that there are things, which Atsumu makes so nervous, that he isn´t able to speak anymore.  
You are sitting in a waiting room, holding his sweaty hand.  
"I hate syringes," he keeps muttering.  
You look at him pityingly.  
You would like to tell him something encouraging. But the only sentence that´s spinning around in your head is "If you had used a condom, you wouldn´t be so afraid" ... but you think that is not appropriate.  
So you hold his hand and smile encouragingly at him.

Atsumu is waiting for you outside and hugs you happily as you descend the stairs to him.  
"It was so terrible ..." Atsumu sighs and hugs you again.  
You smile and stroke his back.  
"You were very brave ..., I'm actually much more afraid of the result ..." you say quietly.  
He's kissing you.  
"Yes, but that's only in 48 hours …"  
You tilt your head.  
"You're really a weird guy ..."  
He grins.  
"Yeah, I'm your weird guy ... come with me, I'll invite you for dinner." he calls enthusiastically.

Atsumu pokes around in his ram bowl.  
"Say ... have you dealt with a psychologist yet?" he asks quietly.  
You stop chewing, looking at him and nodding.  
"I made a selection of whom I might like based on their name."  
He nods contentedly and smiles at you.  
"This is excellent ... tell me if I can help you."  
You look at him uncertainly.  
"Please don't pack me in cotton …"  
Perhaps a fully occupied ramen restaurant is not the right place to discuss something like that.  
Atsumu drops his chopsticks and looks at you.  
"Is it so obvious that I'm doing this?"  
You nod.  
"Somehow yes ... but I think it happens automatically as soon as they know you something like that... but you don't have to ... you are the only person in the world who don´t have to …"  
Atsumu shakes his head slightly.  
"What makes you think that?"  
"... Because you love me ... and I think that's still a big thing for you ...to do it" you say seriously.  
His questioning look unsettles you a little, but then he smiles.  
"You're right..."  
You shrug your shoulders.  
"So be my boyfriend and talk to me straight"  
He takes a sip and noisily places his glass on the table and stares at you with a provocative look.  
"So ... when are you going to call one?"  
You clear your throat and pull nervously on the sleeves of your sweater.  
"Well ... well ... you know ... I hate phone calls ..."  
Atsumu grins at you.  
"When I was in Sapporo 2 weeks ago, you enjoyed calling me …"  
You feel that Atsumu is making fun of you.  
"You know I was drunk ..."  
Atsumu laughs and nods.  
"Drunk and horny"  
You notice how you blush.  
"Yes, perhaps..."  
Atsumu laughs louder.  
"Not only perhaps, that was exactly the case ... and it was hot ..." he grins.  
You clear your throat.  
"Well ... what I wanted to say ..."  
Atsumu laughs and kisses your hand.  
"If you want me to call them, just let me know ... but try it yourself first, I know you can do it."  
That was exactly your plan, but Atsumu circumvented it. It is still unusual how much he believes in you.  
So grumble an answer and keep eating your soup.  
Since Atsumu knows your story, you have the feeling that you have moved closer together.

You are standing in the hall way and hold an envelope in your hand.  
The results of your investigation. The idea that the pig that raped you left some illnesses behind. And you have to deal with it again scares you.  
You are about to go to your room with the envelope as it knocks on the door.  
You open it and Atsumu is grinning at the door.  
"What are you doing here?" you ask in surprise.  
"Well ..." he says.  
You cock your head and sigh.  
"You also got the result"  
He nods.  
"Do we open together?" he asks quietly.  
You laugh, somehow the thought of doing it together relaxes you and Atsumu seems to feel similar.  
You are sitting on your bed staring at the wall. You sigh and hand him your envelope.  
"Please open mine first....“  
With a sigh, he takes the envelope and tears it open.  
You clasp your knees and close your eyes.  
"It's all right ... you have no illnesses."  
You let the air out of your lungs audibly.  
"Thank God"  
Atsumu smiles uncertainly.  
You take his hand "Would you like to see for yourself or should I?"  
He sighs and smiles in a weird way  
"Are you leaving me?"  
You look at him in shock.  
"What are you talking about?“  
His eyes look uncertainly at yours and then look away again.  
"If it says now that I have a nasty illness and if I can't make you children ... will you leave me?"  
Despite the seriousness in his voice, you have to laugh.  
"We have been a couple for 6 months ... children are not an issue at all."  
He interrupts you annoyed and it scares you a little.  
"I said" If "..." he says in a sharp tone.  
You take a deep breath and take his hand.  
"Atsumu ... if you should have an disease we will find solutions... if we cannot have children because of that we will adopt some, because there are a lot of unloved children in this world or think about possibilities. But in 10 years there can be a cure for it. But that's the future. And now I'm not going to leave you, because of your hypothetical disease. You don't leave me because of mine and that is quite a problem for us. So relax, no matter what it says, I'm not going to run away from it. "  
He kisses you and it's the best kiss in a long time. You take the envelope from his hand and open it.  
He looks at you questioningly.  
You smile and kiss him.  
"No diseases."  
You see real relief in his eyes -relief and love.

The speaker in the television news predict an incredibly hot day. Thank god you promised Osamu to help him the whole day at the city festival.  
You stand in front of your mirror and don´t really know what you should wear.  
You think a skirt is impractical and none of your shorts match with the t-shirt Osamu gave you.  
Spontaneous you take a pair of scissors and cut off the legs of a jeans.  
Maybe a little too short. But you like your legs, they look incredibly good in them.

So you put on your sneakers and leave the house early in the morning and go to Osamu.  
"Why do we have to be here before the sunlight?" you moan.  
Osamu looks up at the sky.  
"It's already bright ... Is it possible that the realationship with my brother has soften you?"  
You laugh and shrug your shoulders.  
Osamu hands you a box and laughs.  
"Yes, I received instructions to take care of you, you should take breaks ,drink enough ... "  
When Osamu lists you a various things of things he should take care of , you feel kind of uncomfortable.  
Automatically you roll your eyes. "Yes, he's exaggerating a bit ... lately"  
You fear that you know the reasons, why Atsumu is overreacting at the moment.  
But Osamu interrupts your thoughts.  
"I think it has always been that way ... he only dares to speak it out now. I think he is slowly realizing, that it is not bad to like you. And he looks much happier than before. So I like to hear that I should put you in cotton . "  
You lean against the counter.  
"But I don't want to be put in cotton wool at all."  
Osamu looks at you under his cappy and grins.  
"Don't tell me, but my terribly in love brother"  
You turn away and grin involuntarily.

The day passes quickly, Osamu and you have a lot to do, but its unspeakably hot.  
It is late afternoon when Osamu holds a water bottle under your nose.  
"Have a drink, otherwise Atsumu will haunt me ..."  
You widen your eyes.  
"Atsumu! I haven't looked at my phone for hours." you say and reach into your pocket.  
Osamu rolls his eyes.  
"He'll survive it ..."  
You nod and answer Atsumus messages with a smile.  
"It's not about his messages , he is going to be here soon and I need to know the score, how much service aces he has done and how great he has been," you say with a dramatic gesture.  
Osamu looks at you chewing and grins.  
"He should marry you ... you are just like him"  
You roll your eyes.  
"It is important for him." you say softly and Osamu gives you an encouraging slap on the shoulder.

You just want to answer when you spot someone in the crowd.  
Smiling brightly you turn to Osamu. "You have a visitor" you say triumphantly.  
He looks at you in confusion.  
"Mayu" you whisper ".... I think you really have a chance"  
Osamu looks at you questioningly, but Mayu already pats you on the shoulder.  
"Well, how is the business going??" she laughs at you.  
You shrug your shoulders and point to Osamu.  
"He is the boss ... he can answer your question, I´m enjoying the fact that I am allowed to eat for free" you say and put something in your mouth.  
You know that Mayu only searched for a reason to speak to Osamu. She would never admit it, but she likes him.  
You start cleaning used dishes, while you are watching them flirting.

"Apparently not only the Onigiri is good here," says a male voice next to you.  
You turn your head and look into the face of a guy who bought something from you earlier.  
You understand what he wants to say, but you only smile back nicely.  
But he manages to get you into a conversation.  
To your suprise it’s really nice, he is studying histroy like you and so you almost flirt a little.  
"Do you have a boyfriend?" he asks and casually leans over to you.  
You nod."Yes, a really great one."  
He grins and folds his hands.  
"So no chance?“  
You shake you head with a smile.  
„Even if we won't tell anything?"  
You look at him questioningly and then you shaking your head with a load laugh .  
"Not in 1000 years ..."  
Exactly in this moment someone grabs your shoulders and turns you around.  
You feel Atsumus lips on yours and you put your arms around his neck in surprise.  
Laughing you turn back to the guy.  
"And here he is - my boyfriend," you say with a smile, but the guy already left.

The triumphant smile on Atsumu's face tells you that he has been standing there for a while.  
"Did you enjoy the show?" you ask provocatively.  
Atsumu nods and kisses you.  
"Yes, it was great ..."  
You look at him.  
"You are an absolute saddist ..."  
He laughs and shakes his head, then his eyes turn serious.  
"Maybe I'm a masochist ... if you had said yes, it would have been very painful for me .."  
You're smiling and raise an eyebrow.  
"So you trust me?"  
He kisses you and strokes your hair.  
"Seems so ..." he whispers.  
You smile and press your lips against his again.  
"You had a good day?" you ask curiously.  
He nods enthusiastically.  
"Yes, and now that I'm here, the day is going to end well"  
You need to grin, you definitely need to calm him down a little.  
"I don't know for how long Osamu still needs me."  
Atsumu provocatively places a bag on the counter. "We should find out quickly, I've prepared something. And we don't want to miss the fireworks …"  
You look at Atsumu with skepticism.  
"You hate fireworks"  
He nods. "But you like it."  
You feel a strange tingling in your stomach.

"You can leave if you want ..." Osamu interrupts you.  
You turn to him.  
"Are you sure?"  
Osamu smiles and points to Atsumu's bag.  
"You've been helping me for 10 hours ... and my brother seems to be planning something."  
He hands you a package of food.  
"Make sure he eats something proper. Thank you for your help, I had fun today." Osamu says and turns to Mayu again.  
You look a little confused at Atsumu and shrug your shoulders.  
"It seems like I'm free now."  
Atsumu smiles and reaches for your hand.

As Atsumu guides you through the crowd, he always makes sure that you walk in front of him. His hand is always on your hip, and he is close behind you. He takes care of you, and you are so thankful for it.  
He knows where your weaknesses are, he knows where you are afraid and he makes sure that he is there to support and prodect you.

He guides you to a meadow and spreads out a blanket. You sit down on it and look at him expectantly.  
"Why are you doing all this? You hate all these things ..."you repeat fascinated.  
He sighs and unpacks his bag.  
"Yeah, but doing that with you feels kind of okay ..."  
He holds out a strawberry with white chocolate.  
"Oh my god ... you have chocolate fruits" you say as if he just gave you the Hope diamond.  
He nods laughing and takes your hand.  
„..Grapes, strawberries, raspberries and bananas and definitely no pineapples ... "  
By the way you told him how much you hate pineapples some time ago...but he still knows it.  
Chewing, you look at him, how much must he loves you, that he tries to remember every single detail, youve told him once.

"How long have you had these incredibly hot pants?"  
You laugh and lie on your back to watch the sky.  
"Since this morning ..." you sigh and realize how nice it is to lie down.  
Atsumu lies down next to you and hugs you.  
".... you have really nice legs ... I mean I already knew that, but ... yes I noticed that today again …"  
You have to grin. He is insanely cute.  
As you watch the fireworks in silence, you wonder why you are so afraid of something that has to do with someone who cares of you so much.  
He would never hurt you. He came back from Tokyo earlier, so he could be with you. You look at him from the side and then you know that you can. That it will work and will no longer hurt.  
He catches your eye and grins.  
"Everything okay?" Atsumu asks.  
You nod  
"More than okay …"you whisper and kiss him.  
"... But Atsumu ... bring me home now …"  
He looks at you questioningly, grins, nods and kisses you.

When you open the door to your apartment you notice how you get nervous.  
Atsumu puts various things in the fridge and turns to you with a grin.  
"So what do you want to do? Watch a movie? Shower? Make out?" he asks.  
You stand uncertain in the room and feel stupid, you pull on your hands.  
Atsumu looks at you questioningly.  
You take a deep breathe.  
"Can we do „it“?" you ask uncertainly.

As Atsumu realizes what you mean he grins broadly and runs his hair uncertainly.  
"You want to try „it“?" he asks quietly.  
You shake your head and look at him seriously.  
"No, I want to do it," you whisper.  
Atsumu walks up to you and kisses you.  
He caresses your hair. "You know I don't expect anything ..."  
You kiss him and go to the bathroom. You have never been so sure that you want it, that you can do it.  
You take two condoms out of the pack and go back to Atsumu, who is waiting in your room.  
He seems to be uncertain and nervous but he smiles shyly at you.  
You put the condoms in your pocket and walk towards him.  
You kiss him and drag him to the bed.  
You run your hand through your hair and look at him.  
"Hey, are you okay?" you ask softly.  
He nods and smiles sheepishly.  
"I'm kind of nervous ..."  
You nod and kiss him. "Yes me too..."  
You take his hand.  
"I love you" you whisper.  
Atsumu kisses you and carefully strokes his hand on your hip.  
"I love you too ... and I'm prepared." he says grinning.  
"How...?" you ask with wide eyes and watch fascinated how Atsumu pulls out a box from under your bed.  
You look at him questioningly.  
"What's this? And why is it under my bed?"  
He grins and opens the box, "I was thinking and thought it could be very useful."  
You have to smile when you watch Atsumu scatter candles in your room.  
"Candles?" you ask incredulously.  
He laughs and looks at you. "Go and open the wine"  
You smile and follow his request. As you come back your room is bathed in beautiful light.  
You grin and give him a glass of wine.  
"That looks nice ... what happened to my unromantic boyfriend who thinks this is superfluous?"

He pulls you onto his lap.  
"Yes I´m still here, but I just realized how beautiful you look in the candlelight," he says and kisses you.  
For a while you are just talking about your days , drinking wine and it relaxes you both.  
You take his glass from his hand and put it on the nightstand.  
He kisses you slowly and shoves your hair behind your ear.  
Your kisses become more demanding and your hands run under his shirt.  
You put it over his head and throw it next to your bed. He smiles shyly at you.  
"I didn't know we were going this far today ... so I didn't shave"  
You laugh and run your fingertips over the stubble on his chest.  
"I don't care ..." you whisper , pull your shirt over your head and kiss him again greedly.  
Smiling, he kisses the freed skin and opens your bra.  
You slide it over your arms and lead Atsumu's head to your breasts.  
You lean back and groan as he starts kissing your nipples.  
His hands pull on the buttons of your pants, groaning you lift your pelvis and he slowly pulls your shorts down your legs. He lies you down on the bed and kisses a path down to your panties.  
His hands runs your body up and down and stops at your panties to pull it down.

His hot breathe hits the skin between you legs.  
Moaning, you notice how he runs his tongue through your pussy.  
You reach into his hair and put your leg over his shoulder.  
He pulls you closer to his mouth and encloses your clit with his lips.  
Moaning, you lean against your pillows and also slide your second leg over his shoulder.  
Again and again he licks through your pussy and sucks every drop of your wetness.  
He teases your clit with his tongue and demands your orgasm.  
His thumb digs into your thighs and he has trouble keeping your hips down.  
When you open your eyes slightly you see that he is watching you.  
You can feel his fingers at your entrance.  
He sucks on your clit and shoves his fingers into your dripping hole.  
"Fuck" you moan and lift your pelvis.  
You notice Atsumu's uncertain look.  
"More" you whisper pleading.  
And Atsumu fulfills your wish.  
He hits a point in you that makes your whole body shake.  
Atsumu laughs dirty and his attention goes back to your clitoris.  
He sucks on it and hits this point in you again and again with his finger.  
The muscles in your whole body tighten, you clasp your sheets and groan his name as load as you can. He guides you through your orgasm and you are almost sure that he is smiling.

You need to laugh and groan and gasp for breath.  
"Fuck Atsumu ... what are you doing to me?"  
He puts his head on your stomach and breathes.  
"Did it hurt?" he asks out of breath. You pull him up to you and kiss him. "No it was insane, you are insane....this was so fucking incredible“  
Atsumu´s following kisses tastes like you than he leans back and takes a deep breath.

You follow him, kiss him and open his pants.  
"Don't you dare to stop ..." you whisper.  
Atsumu looks at you still breathing heavily. He tries to read on your face how serious you are.  
You take his hand with which he touched you, lead them to your mouth and suck on the finger that tastes like you. You can see in his eyes how much it excites him.  
He pulls down his pants and kisses you with greed and passion and all those feelings, which had to be hidden for so so long.  
"You are just as incredible," he whispers and shoves his tongue into your mouth.  
You greedily return his kiss, his hands wander over your breasts. " Damn, your titts are so hot," he whispers.  
You grin and run your hands over his shoulders.  
"It's all yours." you whisper laughing.

You fish for your pants with your hand. Atsumu stops kissing you and looks at you questioningly.  
"Would you like to stop?" Atsumu asks with concern.  
You shake your head smiling.  
"No chance ... today I want everything ..." You take a condom out of your pocket and hand it to him.  
When he takes it out of your hand, he gently presses your hand again.  
You watch him put the condom on.  
As you watch him, your nervousness comes back. His penis is bigger than his fingers, something you actually know.  
Your name pulls you out of your thoughts, his lips are already on yours again and he guides you on your back.

He kisses you as deeply as he can.  
"I love you ... so much ..." he whispers.  
You nod, kiss him and open your legs, so that he is able to seattle down between them.  
Atsumu kisses your neck and raises your arm until he reaches your hand and holds it tight.  
He slowly runs his tip through your pussy searching for your entrance.  
When you feel it, you close your eyes.  
Atsumu kisses you deeply.  
"Look at me ...Please keep looking at me.." he whispers and squeezes your hand.  
You open your eyes and look into the warm, brown eyes of Atsumu.  
He grins.  
"Just like that..."  
You smile back and put your hand on his neck and kiss him.  
Atsumu pushes in slowly, the stretch is overwhelming ... but somehow good.  
Groaning, you squeeze his hand.  
Atsumu's forehead rests on yours – he doesn´t move.  
He opens his eyes and kisses you.  
"Does it hurt?" he asks in a husky voice.  
You shake your head laughing lightly.  
"No ... you can move" you moan happily.  
Atsumu kisses you as happily as you are and begins to move slowly.  
His lips kisses your neck and he squeezes your breast with his free hand. His other hand is still holding yours.  
Moaning, you hold on to his shoulder and wait until his lips are back on yours.  
His rhythm becomes stronger and more demanding. You hear a groan from his chest, which is super sexy.  
Groaning, you put your legs around your waist. And suddenly his cock touches the point in you which makes you tremble. You moan even louder and kiss him demanding.  
"More......" you gasp."....Please, Atsumu, give me more"  
Atsumu fulfills your request and his kisses on your neck gets to bites.  
You can´t discribe the feelings you have, you have sex with the man you love so much and it feels so good. Finally you are feeling as a woman, who is able to love completely.  
You squeeze his hand tighter.  
Atsumus groans louder and his thrusts becomes harder. You cling to Atsumu's hair. His facial expression as he sleeps with you is the most exciting thing you have ever seen.  
You can't help kissing him until his breath stops and with two more thrusts he spills into his condom.

He stays like that, moaning your name still breathing heavily.  
You stroke his sweaty hair back and kiss his face.  
When he comes down from his height, he slowly opens his eyes and kisses you.  
Thankfully, you put your hands around his neck and press your legs tighter around his waist.  
"We had sex ..." you whisper with a broad smile.  
He nods and laughs the same way.  
He kisses you and drops next to you.  
"Sorry, I was so tense," he admits, disposing of the condom.  
You lean on his shoulder and sigh.  
"I noticed it ... but I was so sure that it would work" you explain relieved.  
Atsumu laughs and sighs.  
"Yes, you looked like this …"  
You stroke his stomach and enjoy his calm breath.  
Atsumu is incredibly calm, actually not like Atsumu at all. You're starting to worry.  
You sigh and rest your chin on his shoulder.  
"Is everything okay? .. You are so calm"  
Atsumu's eyes look for yours and he grins broadly.  
"It's definitely okay …Did you like it?" he asks and strokes your back.  
You nod your head euphorically. "Yeah ... it was so much better than I imagined .. but you're weird ... didn't you like it?"  
He shakes his head laughing. "I'm just so happy ... even when I was totally tense ... it was amazing …and i think the reason is that you are so special to me, "he says and kisses your forehead.

You take his hand grinning, then you get serious again.  
"You wanted the candles, so I could see you, right?"  
He laughs darkly and then sighs.  
"If I lie naked on you, nobody else is allowed to be here with us"  
You smile weakly and then kiss him.  
"You are the best therapy for me …"  
He pulls you close and kisses you passionately.  
"You are the same for me.... and Im going to protect this with all I have"  
You grin and press your naked body against his.  
"What do you think? How long will it take, until we are able to do it again?"  
Atsumu's hands slide across your ass in a demanding manner.  
"I'm ready when you are"


	8. Chapter 8

The next two months you two are like rabbits in the mating season. You love your new "me", you love the things you do. The things Atsumu does with you. What you don't like is the constant concern Atsumu has about you.

Atsumu is sitting on a chair in your kitchen. And you sit on Atsumu´s lap, moaning full of lust. With your hands on his neck, you move your hips and ride his cock. Atsumu's hands on your butt support your movements.  
Groaning, you lean your head back, while Atsumu kisses your breasts and runs his tongue over your nipples.  
His thumb massages your clit and moaning you pull on his hair as you scream out your orgasm.  
Shortly after, Atsumu follows you. His groans sounds more painful than extatic. He leans his head against your shoulder and laughs.  
"As much as I love everything here. We had sex all day ...my balls already hurts when I come ... I´m so sorry but I need a break "he mumbles against your shoulder and takes a deep breathe.  
Laughing, you lean forward and kiss him.  
"I've been trying to catch up what we missed the past few months."  
"And I´m enjoying every minute of it ... but you're pushing me to the limit," he says, laughing and kissing you.  
Atsumu makes you happy. What you both share - makes you happy, although you often discuss basic things.

You are just leaning forward to kiss him, as the front door opens and someone screams in suprise.  
"Not again!" you hear Mayu's voice cutting the air.  
You groan and get up.  
„Calm down!“ you mumble.  
She points a finger at both of you and shakes her head.  
"No, I keep seeing you naked"  
You laugh load and crosses your arms, still naked in front of her.  
"The good thing about this strange situation is that you've already seen us both naked." you smile.  
Laughing, you pull Atsumu after you in your room.  
"I liked the time when I haven't seen his penis in your vagina. Oh yeah, I ´m missing it!"she screams after you.

With your arms spread out, you let yourself fall on your bed.  
"I would hate myself. if I were my roommate."you say full of happiness.  
Atsumu laughs softly. "I like that you are so happy ....."  
You know this tone in his voice...there is always a „but“ and you hate it.  
You watch him put on shorts.  
"But...?"you ask annoyed.  
He raises his hands in defense.  
"Nothing ....." he mumbles and you know it's a lie.  
"Atsumu, what ?!"you call and reach for a t-shirt.  
You know exactly what Atsumus is worried about and even if you are in love like never before, it annoys you.  
He says your name de-escalating.  
"Please don't always be angry ... I just want you to be fine"

It is incredibly attractive that he sits on your deskchair, just wearing his shorts. But the words which comes out of his mouth, are just annoying.  
"You know I love you ... I explained that to you … and I´m so greatful, that we are able to have sex like this....but I really think it's a good idea, if you go to a psychologist" Atsumu explains in soft voice.  
You huff. "Maybe you should go to a psychologist, because you obviously have to explain your love to me... Atsumu, what do you want? Everything works fine... "

His hands wipe his face.  
"Yes, it works and I have a lot of fun with you, but you're still not feeling good." His voice is serious.  
You take a deep breath. Atsumus just can't be serious, you are feeling so good at the moment... Why doesn't he see that? And why its a topic over and over again?  
"I am fine! ... Why don't we even talk about your compulsively flirting with other women? It's a case for a psychologist"  
He looks at you blankly and shakes his head slightly.  
"I'm not flirting!... And that's a completely different topic …"  
You grab some pants and put them on.  
"Oh yeah?...It looks like flirting to me.... but okay...it seems that we both are just talking about my problems, which are not really problems...so what should I say now?  
So until recently, the constant topic was that we don't have sex ... I'm having a lot of sex with you right now...so I´m not sure what you want me to say ... so...honey...tell me.. what is your fucking problem with me now??" you walk angry through the room and face him again.

Again he says your name in this caustic pitch.  
"I'm just trying to help you …"  
He makes you so angry, his constant care you look at him with a snort.  
"When does the cage come?"  
Atsumu looks confused.  
"Which cage?"  
Your eyes are going to slit.  
"Where you can put me in to make sure I work the way you want me to and I´m always fine?"  
Atsumu gets up and grabs you by the shoulder.  
"Listen, I'd like to talk to you normally again."  
You push his hand away in annoyance.  
"Normal? What is normal for you? To discuss what is wrong with me or to tell me how great it would be if I played volleyball again? ... We have no other topics"  
Atsumu's eyes glare at you.  
"I'm trying to help you, I'm trying to find solutions, to make you happy...“  
You raise your voice angrily.  
"I'm happy and I'm fine ... I hate it so much that I have to discuss it again and again. And I don't want to talk to anyone about it, because I have to talk to you about it all the time. I´m able to have sex with you now, and I´m so greateful and happy about it... you were just happy about it for two days and now I have to talk about how broken I am every day – again!  
So I keep asking myself, if it is so bad to be with me, why dont you leave me? Yeah, leave me ... you will surely find someone else to replace me quickly. "

Atsumu stares at you wordlessly, then he dodges your eyes and sighs more than annoyed.  
"You're getting on my nerves! And whenever you have no more arguments, you tell me to look for someone else ... Do you really think I´ve no reasons? Im telling you this shit over and over again, just to annoy you ? iI pisses me off that you never listen to me ... to be honest - you piss me off right now! "  
You laugh outraged and open your door.  
"Then - Get out, if everything feels so terrible!"  
Atsumu looks at you blankly.  
"Get out!" you say louder  
Atsumu takes his jacket and leaves your apartment without a word.  
You shut your door angrily and throw yourself on the bed.  
You know he loves you, but he's just crushing you, sometimes. 

There is a knock on your door.  
Mayu sticks his head in. "Everything okay?"  
You look at her and sigh.  
"Yes, we only have a disagreement."  
Mayu lies down next to you and laughs.  
"At the moment it looks like you both either have insanely hot sex or you are discussing", Mayu states.  
You think about the situation for a moment.  
"I think it's more or less like that …"  
Mayu watches you from the side and you hate it when she does it.  
"It's a waste of energy ..." Mayu sighs.  
You stare at the ceiling without a word, you already know that, but you can´t change it.  
"You are incredibly in love - a blind man sees that. And you deserve it so much. And I have to admit, it is okay to have Atsumu around. He is nice and has an even nicer twin.“ Mayu sings with a wink.

You're angry and don't want to be in love at the moemt, so you don't answer that and keep staring at the walls.  
"... and I don't think Atsumu has ever looked at anyone like he looks at you ..." Mayu continues.  
You laugh and look at her.  
"How ? As if I'm made of glass?"  
Mayu shakes her head, grinning.  
"No, as if you were his greatest gift"  
You stare into her eyes and don't say anything.  
Then you moan loudly. "I hate it when you put it this way"  
Mayu laughs and kisses your cheek.  
She crawls out of bed and puts her hands on her hips.  
"Osamu is coming soon ..." she announces.  
You understand the hint and smile.  
"I see .... I will go to the beach and jog ... I think it will take at least 2 hours, maybe even more …"  
Mayu smiles happily.  
"That's good, somehow I got the twin who works a lot. And I'm planning to have sex with him tonight," she laughs and extends her arms in the air.  
You smile slightly, Osamu is obviously her greatest gift.

You are running along the water as fast as you can, your heart ist pumping and you love the feeling of beeing alive. As you can no longer run you let yourself fall into the sand and look into the blue sky.  
Breathing heavily, you pump air into your lungs.  
Atsumu is right with the things he said.  
You really don't talk to each other anymore, because you can't take it that he's right. You have to do a therapy, because of so many reasons, not just the rape.  
But you don´t wanna talk about that all the time. You are happy... and you just wanna celebrate it.

Suddenly something falls on the sand next to you. You look to the right and see a volleyball.  
You sit up and look around, a little girl is running towards you.  
You estimate her to be 7-9 years old.  
You smile, stand up and hit the ball back to her.  
She looks at you enthusiastically.  
"That was great!" she calls enthusiastically.  
You smile a little sheepishly, because she is already standing next to you.  
"Do you play volleyball?"  
You shake your head."That's a long time ago.."  
She grabs your hand and you are a little suprise about it.  
"Please teach it to me, Im alone and I need to be stronger...and the way you hit the ball looked so great ..." she says imploringly.  
You look at the volleyball and grin."Yes I can try"

The girl hugs you gratefully and you smile shyly, not sure if it its a good idea.  
While watching the girl who tries to spike the ball, you remember the time when you were in that age, still dreaming about a huge career  
Back then,you also spent every free minute with training.  
So you smile and show are a „jump floater“.  
"You can do incredibly great things ... when I grow up, I want to be able to do all of that, too"  
You nod."If you continue to train as well as you already do, you will be much better than me"

She throws the ball and you set it up to her , so she can hit it easily.  
"I´m watching every game in Division 1 ... and someday I want to play there too"  
You kneel next to her in the sand.  
"If it's your dream, you should stick to it and not let anyone break it." your voice sounds much more seriouse than you want it too.  
She looks at you and nods.  
For some reason you need to hug her.  
Laughing, she puts her arms around your neck. Tears come to your eyes, when she lets you go you quickly wipe your eyes.  
This little girl reminds you of yourself so much.  
You take a deep breath and smile at her.  
"So ... some more spikes?"  
She nods enthusiastically.  
Your knees slowly start to hurt, because you slide on the sand all the time.  
She is incredibly smart and quickly understands what you tell her to do.

Suddenly she comes towards you slowly and puts her lips to your ear.  
"There's a man, who is staring at us all the time." she whispers.  
You look in the direction and laugh.  
"You should get used to playing in front of an audience. But don´t worry I know this man"  
She looks at you like she doesn't believe you.  
"This is my boyfriend ..."you explain.

Atsumu is sitting on a wall and it really looks like he's been sitting there for a while.  
When he notices that you have seen him, he jumps off the wall and approaches you.  
He has his hands in his pockets and in his face you can see, that he doesn't like walking through sand.  
"Oh my god," the girl whispers and grabs your hand.  
"Are you all right? Don't be afraid, he's nice"you say and stroke her hand with yours.  
"This is Atsumu Miya," she whispers, almost clasping your arm.  
"Yes I know" you say and grins at her.  
"He's the setter of the Black Jackels in Division 1" she whispers and it's more than cute how excited she is.  
As Atsumu comes closer, she hides behind your leg. He looks at you questioningly.  
"Do I look so scary today?"  
You laugh and point to her.  
"She is a fan" you whisper with a wink.  
Atsumu laughs and kneels down.  
"Hey, I'm Atsumu and I´m so thankful that you take care of my girlfriend, … who are you?"  
You realize, that you didn´t ask for her name, so you are looking at her couriosly.  
"Ai" she says quietly.  
You need to smile.  
"Ai, like love?" you ask a little surprised.  
She nods and regains a little self-confidence through the monologue why she was named like this.  
You really like her, so you take a look at Atsumu and he nods.  
Even if you are still angry with him subliminally, he is just right here to make a little girl very happy.  
"Ai, what do you think? Could you hit Atsumu's balls too?"  
For a moment it looks like Ai is no longer breathing.  
Atsumu takes the ball and grins at you. "Yes Ai, let's see if she can take our balls."  
She really doesn´t know what to say, so you go to the other side and grin. „Yeah, Im sure you won´t beat me“

While you are playing you are allowed to see a new page on Atsumu. How he talks to Ai, how he explains things to her, you like to see it that way. He is good with children.  
You play, until the sun goes down and you have to admit that Ai is much better when she hits balls, who Atsumu sets to her.

"Don't you have to go home slowly?" you ask her while wiping your sweat with your shirt.  
She looks guilty on the sand.  
"Actually yes .... but ..."  
Atsumu kneels next to her.  
"No but - I think you should go home, otherwise your mom will worry and you will get in trouble .."  
When Ai looks at you, you nod in agreement.

Before she leaves, she goes to her school bag, still super excited.  
A bit jealous, you watch Atsumu sign autographs on pretty much everything she finds in her bag.  
"Maybe we'll see each other again ..." she beams at you and puts her volleyball under her arm.  
You nod and wave.  
"Yes, that would be nice"  
She walks away laughing and waving.

"I don't know either, I'm just beginning to notice my uterus jumping ...you are really good with kids" you say in a mix of truth and ironic.  
Atsumu looks at you oddly from the side and then laughs.  
You wave your finger.  
"In these moments you have to be strong and you need to tell me lovingly, that a child is in the way of both of us." you say dramatically and then look at Atsumu with a laugh.

He reaches for your hand and you take it.  
Then he pulls you towards him and kisses you.  
"You made a little girl very, very happy today ..." you whisper.  
He laughs darkly and sits in the sand and pulls you along, so you sit in front of him.  
He pulls you against his chest and puts his chin on your shoulder.  
"You made her happy, I just helped you a little." he mumbles.  
You sigh. "Yes, if I would play in Division 1 that statement were correct."  
Before Atsumu is able to answer you interrupt him.  
"I know"  
He kisses your shoulder and you both look at the waves.  
"How do you know where I am?" you ask after a while  
"I was at your home ... and Mayu said you wanted to go for a run at the beach. And I here I am."  
You hum in agreement.

"I can't stand it, when we have an argument - not even for 4 fucking hours ... and I feel like we're arguing or having sex all the time ... at the moment ... I miss talking to you …" Atsumu admits.  
You sigh, take his hand and watch the seagulls.  
"Atsumu, how old were you, when you had sex for the first time?"  
He ponders."I think 16 ... or 17 ..."  
You nod.  
"How many women have you slept with until then?"  
You notice how the question unsettles him, you take his hands in yours and lean your head against his chest.  
"To be honest, I don't know ... sorry"  
You shake your head.  
"You don't have to be sorry ... but when it was new, didn't you want to do it over and over again?"  
He makes a thoughtful sound. You can see from his look that he doesn't understand what you're trying to say.  
"Don't know ... but I think so," he finally says.  
You turn to him.  
"My really first sex was two months ago ... and I am so happy and proud that I can have sex - with you …  
... that we managed it to do it. And I want to try so much, I want to enjoy it and have fun with you ...But as soon as we're done, I see the worry on your face and know I have to talk about how broken I am again....and you’re doing it ... you make me feel so broken ... "  
His brown eyes look at you worriedly, but it's another worry than you used to.  
"I don't want to ... I don't want to give you this feeling ... it's just like that ... While you are sleeping...you are talking... at first I didn't think anything of it ... but now that I know your story , words like "no and stop" just scares me...I also hate to see you fight with yourseld as soon as you're in a gym for me...to watch my matches... and I can't help you ...I'm just watching ...And I'm not the type to watch somewhere … especially when it comes to you “

You sigh and turn and slide your legs over his.  
"I'm sorry that you feel this way ... and you're right ... I need therapy, I know that but ... I'm just scared ... that I need to feel bad again ... I'm actually so happy right now ... because of you ... "you add quietly.  
Atsumu pulls you closer and kisses you.  
" You know Atsumu, when I met you ... or knew who you are ... you dragged one woman after the other ... you walked out of the bathrooms there, everyone knew you that you just fucked someone in there...and you just didn't care ... you have a bigger presence on the volleyball field than everyone else ...I just don't understand why you treat me like I'm made of paper or glass sometimes ...“  
Atsumu takes your hands.  
"I know ... I don't care what other people think of me ... and I don't care what my opponents think of me ... but I care what you think of me. ..and fuck ... I just hurt you for so long,while we were doing things which are so natural for others ... and I'm so afraid that it'll come back ... "  
You see worry on his face but you don't understand it.  
"Atsumu .... why should it come back? We are over it...."  
He looks at you uncertainly and strokes your hair from your face.  
"Yes, at the moment ... yes we are able to have sex now ... but at some point we want to go further ..."  
You lean your forehead against his.  
"Don't you like the sex with me?" you ask softly and even you are able to hear the fear of the answer in your voice  
Atsumu shakes his head, laughingly and kisses you.  
"No ... sleeping with you is....well, the best sex, I've ever had ... but if we ever want to have children ... I have to ... you know ... inside of you …"  
You laugh softly and take his hand.  
"... we would need to have sex without a condom ..."  
He nods. "And what if you feel it inside you and get scared again? Like the cleansing agents in the gyms?"  
It's incredible what he's worrying about. But he has to drive that down.  
"You're right ...it could happend, but Im really not scared of it...but you are right...I need help" you sigh and enjoy the surprise in his eyes.  
"I'm making an appointment ..." you say confidently.

You would have expected him to kiss you, but he stares out at the sea and looks at you uncertainly.  
"Okay, promise me you won't freak out …" he says, drumming against your tights nervousley.  
You look skeptical at him.  
"Yeah?"  
He sighs.  
"I've already made an appointment for you."  
You consider whether you should be angry or not. But actually you're more annoyed and you don't want to argue with him again.  
So you kiss him as best you can.  
You notice how his lips grin, you slowly open your eyes and look into his.  
"I would have expected trouble …"

You bite your lower lip ...and need to think of the right words.  
"Atsumu ... you have to stop packing me in cotton ... I sometimes need the Atsumu who silence an entire hall with just making a fist and not the Atsumu who makes sure 5 times that I feel good …"  
Astumus fingers play nervously in your hair.  
"Am I such a bad boyfriend?" his voice sounds guilty.  
You don't want him to feel guilty, he never had a relationship before you.  
So you kiss him.  
"You are the best boyfriend ... I think the situation is just new to both of us ..."  
He laughs and strokes your back.  
"Yes, you're probably right ... when it comes to you, things are no longer unimportant to me ... and that is sometimes quite exhausting" Atsumu leans back on his hands.  
You also lean on your hands and stretch your legs.  
You grin at him peacefully and raise an eyebrow."The best sex you've ever had, huh?“  
Atsumu's brown eyes glow almost gold in the setting sun.  
He grins at you and nods slightly.  
You lean your head back and laugh out loud.  
"I was so scared that you didn't like it ...."  
He laughs just as loud as you do.  
"God girl, I think I slept with you 6 times today ... I wouldn´t do it, if it's bad …"  
You watch Atsumu sitting there in the sunlight, and it is such a great sight for you. You definitely plan to make it a 7th time.  
You look at him promptly.  
"I watched you too …"  
Atsumu raises an eyebrow and one corner of his mouth.  
"So? What did you see? …"  
You lean forward and kiss this corner of his mouth, and his lips and bite his lower one slightly.  
He laughs darkly.  
"Did you watch that?"  
You laugh lean your forehead against his and shake your head.  
"No, I just wanted to do that ... and I know what you want to do ... you don't just want to fuck me without a condom to make children … you also wanna do it...just for fun"Atsumu draws in the air sharply.

You bring your lips closer to his ear.  
"You want to fuck me without a condom so you can feel me better"you breath.  
Atsumu pushes you away easily. You can feel his excitement under the fabric of his jeans.  
"Oh, don't you wanna do it?" you say quietly, get up and look around.  
There is no one to be seen, so you take off your leggings.  
He says your name. You pull your panties down, too and he repeats your name.  
"Are you leaving me like a stupid girl or are we having fun?" you ask in a seriouse tone.

Atsumu looks overwhelmed at you.  
He exhales. "I didn't bring condoms to the beach …"  
It's not like you expected that, so you grin at him.  
"Hey, you did that before ... just pull out....before...you know" you are not used to talk like that. Your heart is beating up to your neck as you are standing there, waiting for an answer.

Atsumu pulls you back on your knees and you press your body against him, kissing him full of greed.  
Suddenly he turns you on his back and grins dirty at you.  
"I'm on top" he whispers in a husky voice and opens his pants.  
A couple of cosmetic procedures follow to free his cock from his pants.  
You grin expectantly at him, he leads his cock to your entrance and slowly pushes in. Moaning, you drop your hands behind you on the sand.  
"Feels good?" you ask grinning.  
You get a thurst in response. „You can´t imagine how good it feels“ he whispers and kisses you moaning.  
It is not tender. His thurts are greedy and demanding.  
Atsumu's hands are on your hips, he has closed his eyes, and you are able to see on his face, how much he loves the things he is doing.

Groaning, he lets himself fall forward, clutching your wrists and pinning them on the sand.  
Pleading you arches your back.  
He holds your hands, while moves faster in you and you can feel his breath on your neck.  
It drives you crazy, you love those kisses and those bites on this part of your body. So you are moaning and pleading as much as you can.  
And finally .... finally Atsumu starts kissing your neck. You moan in his ear and it just motivates him to push harder into your dripping pussy.  
„Fuck, Atsumu“ you gasp.  
He tries to grin, but as you look in his eyes, there is nothing left, than the absolute excitement he feels.  
Your thoughts briefly wander to the fear, that Atsumu might forget to pull out, as a rough thrust shakes your Body and make you gasp for air.  
He grabs your legs and put them over his shoulder, as you try to place your hands on his cheeks, he just grab them again and pin it to sand again.  
He is just super rough, nothing he did before. And you are already feeling it. The moment just before the orgasm reaches your body. He's digging his cock so deep in you and at the same time you are feeling his teeth in the flesh on you neck.  
Your moans sounds almost begging, as Atsumu inhales sharply and pushes your shirt up.  
In hot gushes he pours his sperm over your stomach.  
With closed eyes and he rubs his cock.  
This sight is incredibly hot, although he is no longer touching you, you need to moan.

"Fuck, that was so good" Atsumu moans as he drops next to you on the sand and put his cock back in his pants.  
Breathing heavily, you lie in the sand and notice how the liquid runs into your belly button.  
"I'm so sorry, I should have spilled on the sand ... but god you're so hot," Atsumu apologizes out of breath.  
You laugh softly and run your finger through his sperm. Atsumu's watchful eyes immediately catch your action.  
"You were hot ... you were the way I always imagined sex with you."  
Atsumu laughs.  
"Mindless, dominant and reckless?"  
You shake your head and search for your panties.  
"Passionate"  
Atsumu looks at you and doesn´t really have words.  
You grin and decide to wash off his sperm in the sea.

"Hey Atsumu ..." you draw his attention to you again, as you let water run down your stomach.  
His eyes look for yours and you grin.  
"What do you think about me getting the pill?"  
You are able to see Atsumus worries in his eyes again.  
"Don´t !" you call right away.And go up and kiss him. His hand slides down to your bare butt and lies on your butt cheek.  
„I find it very unfortunate that your sperm is not in me yet.. ... "you say softly and he kisses you with a grin.  
"You see, I don´t have problem with it, so please don't create one ... I just want to ask you before I decide something...."  
Atsumu takes your hand and kisses you.  
"I think that's one of the advantages of always sleeping with the same person."

3 weeks later you are sitting in a musty smelling waiting room. Atsumu is sitting next to you, holding your sweaty hand.  
"Stay calm...."  
You interrupt Atsumu.  
"Don't talk ... I have to talk enough right away"  
He brings your hand to his mouth and touches it lightly with his lips.  
You look at him and try a nice facial expression. But you can't say anything to him right now. You will have to go into this room alone and expand your soul life.

When the door opens and a little older woman steps out, you flinch.  
Atsumu squeezes your hand encouragingly and automatically you get up and follow the woman into the room.  
As you come out after an hour, Atsumu is still sitting in the waiting room, arms on his knees, hands nervously in front of his face.  
You say goodbye and take Atsumu by the hand and lead him out.  
On the street outside, you exhale loudly and lean your head against his shoulder.  
"It was like a date," you sigh desperately.  
Atsumu looks at you skeptically.  
"I should tell about myself and I'm so bad at talking about myself ... so I said nothing ... It was just this awkward silence .. ... I'm so bad at it... it was so embarressing"  
Atsumu laughs loudly and hugs you.  
"That's not true at all, you can also talk to me when we met first and it worked well."  
You nod and go ahead.  
"Yes, you astood naked in my kitchen, that was somehow different"  
Atsumu laughs even more.  
"It was nothing else, it was a lot more bizarre ..." He holds you by your shoulder and you stop.  
"That was different ... you're kind of ... I don't know ... we just had a connection ..." you try to explain Atsumu with big gestures.  
"Hey ..." Atsumu says behind you and you turn around.  
"At our first meeting, you managed to make me fall in love with you ... and at the time I thought it was impossible"  
You look at him skeptically.  
"Do you want the therapists to fall in love with me?"  
He rolls with his eyes.  
"No, I want you to believe in yourself for once"  
You shrug your shoulders.  
"I will try," you say playfully annoyed.  
Atsumu hugs you and puts his chin on your shoulder.  
"I'm incredibly proud of you for doing this …"  
You put your hand on his.  
For us … thanks for accompanying me" you whisper.  
He smilies, kisses you and looks you so deep in your eyes that you almost start to feel naked.

Suddenly Atsumu claps his hands euphorically.  
"I'll buy you something for that ... actually I think, I'll buy you a dress"  
The look you give him is a mixture of questioning and confused.  
"A dress?"  
He nods.  
"Yeah exactly ... we should buy one....a good one... like a dress that you could wear at a wedding."  
Now your look is absolutely shocked.  
"A wedding dress ?!“ you more or less shout in suprise.  
Atsumu looks confused.  
"Yes ... oh No ... no I don't want to marry you !!"  
Even if you haven't been together for a year, this statement hurts you a bit. Fortunately, he interprets your facial expression correctly.  
Atsumu's gestures are totally nervous. "No, no, well I think.. I want to marry you - someday ... but let me start once again ...  
I would like to go to a wedding with you, so I'll buy you a dress because I'm a rich volleyball player ... and I'm proud of you ... "he says, standing uncertainly in front of you.  
You laugh out loud.  
"Sometimes you're pretty cute ..." you say and cock your head.  
"I love weddings and I would like to go there with you ... and I also agree that you can buy me a dress because you really have more money than I do," you say with a broad smile.  
Atsumu laughingly puts an arm around you.  
"I am glad that you are not discussing any of this. The wedding is the weekend in 3 weeks .."  
You nod "I have no plans there .."  
And Atsumu nods enthusiastically. “ I'm happy to hear that, and I'm really looking forward to it.“  
You nod and walk with a smile next to him.  
"Oh yeah, my parents will be there too," Atsumu says more casually.  
Now - your face is priceless.


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm just not ready fot it!" you cry desperately as you stand in the middle of the living room with just your underwear on.  
Mayu looks up from her magazine. "Yes, as long as you only wear your underwear ... I wouldn't be ready for that either"  
You sit down at the table.  
"I thought Osamu would ask you too ..." you sigh and put your head on the table top.  
Mayu looks at you in frustration. "As you know, we don't even have a label ... we hang out so much together, kiss constantly and finally ... finally we had sex .... but I'm not his girlfriend"even if Mayu doesn't admit it, it pisses her off. So you decide to show a little more gratitude that Atsumu is taking you to his cousin's wedding.  
You sigh and look at Mayu.  
"Are you making my hair?"  
Mayu simles and nods enthusiastically.

"This dress is so beautiful ..." Mayu says while she strokes the red fabric.  
You nod."Yes Atsumu had to pay a lot of money for it because he was kidding me so bad ..." you say confidently.  
Mayu raises an eyebrow.  
"Okay, we both thought it was the most beautiful, but it was also the most expenisve one .."  
Mayu taps something in her cellphone.  
"I'm a bit jealous right now, that I can't go there with you." she sighs.  
You hug her and smile sadly. "Yes, I think it's a shame ..but let's think positive ... if we stay together with the two, we will be related at some point. And then we go out partying all the time together. "  
Mayu smiles. "Yes, that would be nice ..."   
You look at her teasingly. "You are in love," you sing with a grin.  
She hits you. "I said we don't have a label ... and don't say anything to Osamu ..." she warns you.  
You shrug your shoulders. "I'm not saying anything ... I'm busy surviving the day"  
She laughs "You will make it, you are the nicest person I know ... and they will also recognize that ..." she explains and looks at you.  
"We need another lipstick," she says, and begins to paint your lips again.  
She stops her work when the doorbell rings. She opens the door without looking and comes back to you.  
She paints the last lines on your lips.  
"Perfect" she murmurs.

"Do you have the flowers?" Mayu asks and blurs the contours a little.  
"Are you always going to tell me when I should buy flowers for you?" you hear Osamu's voice behind her.  
Mayu rolls her eyes and turns to face him.  
Fascinated, you watch Osamu slide his tongue into her mouth. Atsumu stands grinning at the front door and watching the situation.  
When his eyes meets yours, he forms the word "wow" with his lips and you have to grin involuntarily.  
You sigh and look back at Mayu and Osamu.  
"And the fact that you've been putting your tongue in her mouth for 2 minutes doesn't qualify her to take her to the wedding?" you ask directly and get a sharp look from Mayu.  
Osamu laughs shyly, but Mayu intervenes immediately.  
"The flowers are beautiful, thank you for getting them. Unfortunately, they are not for me ..." she murmurs and goes into the kitchen. You give Osamu a questioning look and shurg with your shoulders.  
Mayu ties wire around the ends of the flowers, comes back and puts the flowers alternately in her hair.  
"Yellow or red?" she asks you.  
"Red" Atsumu answers for you.  
You nod in agreement and watch fascinatingly as Mayu works on the flower.  
"How do you know how to do that?" you ask in suprise.  
Mayu laughs and sprays your hair concentrated with hairspray. "My mother is a hairdresser, do you remember?"  
"Ah" you nod and you really remember.  
"Excellent" says Mayu enthusiastically and holds out the mirror for you.  
You bend your head back and forth.  
"I have to admit that is really excellent ... thank you …“ you hug her happily and you can feel that Mayu needs to talk to Osamu again.

„Atsumu, would you help me with my shoes? ...In my room?" you ask with grin and Atsumu follows you.  
You haven't even closed the door, when Atsumu hugs you from behind and kisses your neck.  
"I have no words for how beautiful you look ..." he whispers and tries to kiss your lips.  
You grin and stretch out your cheek for him. You whisper "lipstick" and he kisses your cheek.  
He laughs softly "But I really don't know if I'm a big help in choosing shoes."  
You laugh, "You don't have to either, I just think Mayu would like to be a little alone with Osamu ... I think she is a bit disappointed"  
Atsumu makes a thoughtful noise. "Yes, I didn't understand why Osamu didn't want to take her with us ... but that's just the way he is .."Atsumu explains.  
You make an approved sound. "Yes, so we leave them alone for 10 minutes ..."  
Atsumu nods and strolls slowly through the room.  
You also nod and look at Atsumu.  
"You look good too," you say and understate, he looks incredibly hot in this suit. He nods and looks at you.  
You drive nervously over your dress.  
"10 mins?" Atsumu asks and you nod again.  
"Quickie?"  
"Oh please" relieved you put your arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry I preached you on contraception back then," you say while sitting on your desk and watching Atsumu spilling into a handkerchief.  
„I told you“ he breathes laughing.  
You shrug your shoulders. "I never thought I would play with fire so easily"  
He laughs darkly.  
"We both do it, that's the reassuring thing ... but soon you will get the pill and then we'll be more relaxed …“he says and takes a deep breathe.  
„ …..You'll be the most beautiful woman there today ... that's good" you like him to compliment you but he says it like you’re going to a competition.  
Atsumu seems to read your doubts on your face.  
"I want to say that you are really beautiful and I have to pull myself together not to stare at you all the time." he adds with a grin.  
You are triying to smile, but he is still acting weird.

He is coming closer to you.  
"A kiss? A very careful one?" he ask quietly.  
You smile and nod. He presses a light kiss on your lips.  
You grin and breathe. "Sorry I'm a little nervous ..."  
Atsumu kisses you again.“Don´t be“

You get dressed again and go to your door.  
"Do I have lipstick anywhere?"Atsumu asks before you open it.  
You shake your head, grinning.  
"No, this is obviously one of Mayu's expensive ones" you laugh.  
Mayu and Osamu sit on the couch and stare at you in punishment.  
"You are like animals" Mayu comments.  
You would have liked to give her a lecture about her animal behavior, but you don't do it out of respect for Osamu, you just smile with self-confidence.  
Mayu paints your lips again and you suspect that she only does this with such intensity because she would like to be in your place.   
You hug her. "Thank you, I wouldn't be so beautiful without you ..."  
She laughs happily at you and you say goodbye.

You are sitting in the taxi between the twins. When you watch Osamu from the side, you decide to talk to him later.  
Atsumu seems nervous, that makes you even more nervous.  
You reach for his hand and he grabs it gratefully. When you arrive at the hotel, you pull your suitcase out of the trunk.  
"I'll take it for you .." says Atsumu and goes wordlessly ahead.  
You look after him a little worried and then you follow him.

"What is bothering you, Atsumu?" you ask as you arrive your room.  
He looks at you uncertainly and puts his hand on your cheek.  
"Nothing really, you're just the first woman I introduce to my parents …"  
You grin "I promise to be nice .. and if there is anything I can do to make you feel better, just let me know …"  
You sit on the bed and watch him.  
"It's all good, it just feels so grown up ..."  
The statement somehow unsettles you.  
His behavior is still weird, of course he's nervous, but he makes you feel like he doesn´t like that you're here.  
"Atsumu, do you want me to stay in the room? We could say that I got sick ... that would be okay, I'll buy something to eat and then I'll watch TV and wait for you ...“He interrupts your speech by kissing you.  
You let yourself fall on the bed and he's lying on top of you.  
"You're too beautiful to let me leave you here in the room ..." he murmurs between his kisses.  
"I love you ..." you whisper.  
These three words are still rare in your relationship. You rarely tell it to each other, that's why it's still special.  
"Thank you for being with me ..." he whispers against your lips.  
You stroke his hair and then get up again.  
"I promised Mayu not to mess around with you as long as I'm beautiful," you laugh and stroke your dress.  
Atsumu grins. "But you are always beautiful ..."  
You go to the minibar. "Well, than as long as its beautiful for Mayu ...Soo we should you relax a little more.... I'll pay for the minibar ... what do you want?" you ask and open a bag of peanuts.

You´re lying on the bed, drinking white wine and Atsumu has a whiskey. Your legs lie over his and you talk about different stuff, until Atsumu's cell phone vibrates.  
He puts a peanut in his mouth.  
"We are going to meet my parents for a drink in the bar and then we go where all the romantic stuff happens"  
You have to smile automatically, these statements are so Atsumu.  
"How do you want to celebrate your wedding?" you ask laughing.  
"We will sign the papers at some point and then give a BBQ," he explains matter-of-factly.  
You are trying to smile. This is not what you imagine at all, but you do not say anything about it.  
Then you empty your wine and get up.  
"I am so ready to meet your parents," you announce.

Surprisingly, Atsumu's parents are incredibly nice. His father flirts like his son and his mother has a lot of Osamus mentality.  
She is really interested in you, asks about your family and your studies.  
You answer all questions patiently.  
"It's the first time that Atsumu introduces us to a girl." explains his mother enthusiastically.  
You smile but don't know what to say.  
Atsumu breaks the silence and explains: "She played volleyball successfully for years .."  
Shocked, you turn your head properly Atsumu. Why does he have to tell it now?  
You turn back to his mother.  
"Yes, but that was a long time ago ... now I'm becoming a teacher."  
She sips her wine and smiles.  
You would like to sink into the ground.

You go to the ceremony together.  
Even for you there is too much talk about love, trust and this pink bubble in which everything takes place.  
But at some point, Atsumu takes your hand and squeezes it,these are the little dots that show you, that Atsumu wants more than signatures on a piece of paper.  
So you hold his hand as tight as you can.

"I like these moods at weddings ..." you say at the champagne reception.  
Atsumu looks at you and laughs ironically.  
"Do you want that kind of big wedding? With everything you see here?"  
You shrug your shoulders.  
"I don't know ... I'm just saying, that I like the mood ..."  
He pushes his champagne glass against yours and says nothing.

And then you see her for the first time. A tall, slim girl walks through the room with her champagne glass.  
You look at her and you think that you know her from somewhere, you lean over to Atsumu and want to tell him, there you see it, he is sipping on his glass and stares at her.  
He looks at her so intensely that he chews on his lower lip. Your eyes go confused between her and him.  
He empties his glass and his eyes go to you.  
"Are you going to make yourself beautiful again? I want to introduce you to someone ..." asks Atsumu.  
You stare at Atsumu and let your glass sink.  
You are about to counter something when Atsumu's mother's voice breaks through the air.  
"I don't think you have the right to say that"  
Atsumu looks at her wordlessly and apologizes to you.

You look at Atsumu wordlessly and your thoughts race. Atsumu and you are so close, but sometimes he's like a stranger to you. You empty your glass and hand it to him.  
"I'm going to make myself beautiful again and then you can introduce me to whoever you want," you say coldly.  
You can still hear him calling your name, but you have already disappeared into the bathroom.  
You stand in front of the mirror and fresh up your make-up, if he asks you for something, it must be important to him, so you are doing it without argueing.

As you leaves the bathroom, Atsumu is waiting in front of the door.  
"Sorry, I should have put it differently ..." he says, looking hectic.  
You grinning ironically. "Maybe you'd better not have said anything ..." you say snappily, but take his hand and go with him.  
As you expected he leads you to the woman and introduces you to her. You are sure that you know her, but you cannot imagine where.  
Thankfully, you take another glass of sparkling wine from a tablet ... you urgently need something to hold on to. And that is definitely not Atsumu right now. He is talking to the pretty woman and you are not quite sure whether he is flirting or getting information.  
You are sure they know each other from their school days .. and you are sure that they were more than friends.  
You take a deep sip, slowly you are starting to feel a little stupid, while your boyfriend seeks deep eye contact with this woman and you stand next to him like a dog. This will definitely become an issue today, your eyes are looking for Osamu in the room. You see him and apologize.  
The name of your old high school is cutting the air. You slowly turn to the woman again.  
"Jersey number 2 ... right?" she asks in a sharp voice.  
And then you remember ... "The captain of the Inarizakis Volleyball team" you whisper.  
She laughs. "Atsumu I see you stayed true to your style ... she was really one of the best players I know ... in which team are you playing now? I've never seen you in Division 1, which surprised me ... "she says mockingly.  
Your heart contracts. How can Atsumu put you in such a situation?  
"I´m not playing anymore" you say and leaves the situation without an other word.  
You order water at the bar and take a deep breath. You really could cry. Why didn´t Atsumu tell you that she is here?

"I'm sorry for my son's behavior." you turn and look into his mother's warm eyes - they are the same as Atsumus.  
You take a deep breath and smile at her.  
"Your son is the best thing, that ever happened to me ... he just seems a little ... confused today .."  
She laughs. "I am happy for Atsumu that you are so loyal to him. But drinks are free here, we should find something better than water," she says laughing and orders you a wine.  
Atsumus mother is really a funny, warm person, from time to time she introduces you to some relatives. Now and then you look for Atsumu and you are reassured that he is not with this woman all the time, but is talking to some other people.  
You don't know how to deal with him anyway.  
At some point you feel his hand on your hip and you turn slightly out of his embrace. You are mad at him, he should also notice that.  
You order him something to drink and you smile at him.  
"Your mother just told me wonderful stories. Apparently, Osamu was better at going to the toilette, than you were," you grin.  
He grins provocatively.  
"In the meantime I've solved the problem ..." he grins at you.  
Then he comes closer to your ear.  
"Should I show you?" he asks in a husky voice.  
You look at him and raise your eyebrow.  
"You can't be serious," you say matter-of-factly and drink the rest of your glass.

You go outside in the fresh air and take a deep breath.  
Something is going very wrong here right now.  
You hear a laugh behind you, "You look pretty stressed ..." says Osamu and drops down on the bench next to you.  
You sigh."To be honest, I really am ..."  
Osamu nods.  
"My parents are doing pretty well... they like you ..."  
You nod again."It's nice to hear ... but unfortunately my boyfriend behaves like an ass"  
Osamu laughs. "Doesn't he always do that?"  
You shrug your shoulders.  
"Not really, so I don't know how to classify it ..."  
Osamu leans his head back.  
"The girl he introduced you to ..."  
".... was the captain of your high school volleyball team ... and now plays in Division 1 ... and ..." You notice the jealousy in you.  
".... and she was Atsumu's first big love …"  
You suddenly feel very bad. Atsumu told you he had never loved.  
You look at Osamu and try to smile.  
"Oh really?" you ask casually.  
Osamu nods and laughs.  
"Yes, they always met in our shed and thought nobody would notice - unfortunately the lady is a little loud" laughs Osamu and takes two glasses from the tray of the waiter who walks past you.  
You could cry, not only because Atsumu lied, you are pretty sure he knew she would be there today. But Osamu is the wrong person to talk about it.  
You take a sip of your wine and find that you are well on the way to getting drunk.

"Say ... why didn't you take Mayu with you? I'm pretty sure you're pretty sure about her." you asks dircetly.  
Osamu clears his throat. "Now please don't get me wrong ..."  
Inside you prepare yourself for the next deep blow.  
"... Mayu is insanely good at getting to know other people.... better than you ... and me ... I wanted my parents to like you, without you having to compete with Mayu."  
You look at him and sigh.  
"You are really nice..."  
Osamu bumps his glass against yours.  
"So you are …"

During the meal you talk to Osamu and his parents. You try to ignore Atsumu as much as possible, suddenly he grabs your hand under the table. He gently strokes his thumb over yours.  
You sigh and look at him, his eyes seem to apologize. Nevertheless, you will have to have an unpleasant conversation with him afterwards.  
Atsumu puts down his cutlery. "Excuse me," he says to the other people at the table, then he bends over to you and kisses you.  
"There are hotel rooms for that" comments Osamu dryly.  
Atsumu's mother laughs.  
"You have to loosen up ... I never thought I would see your brother like this ... so let my mother's heart dream of a wedding"  
The whole thing is a little embarrassing for you and you take another large sip of wine.

Later you are pretty drunk ... you lean against the bar and apart from the little flirt at the table, there was not much of Atsumu the whole day. Instead, he's back with that girl.  
His mother is joining you again, she really tried to make you feel good and welcome.  
"Atsumu has always done what he wanted to … he never had a lot of friends and that he would introduce me to a girlfriend, I wouldn't have expected that until he is 30. "  
You look at his mother questioningly and try to keep your smile.  
She grabs you by the shoulder and looks at you encouragingly.  
"Atsumu is also incredibly resentful ... so he wants to take revenge on this girl …"  
You sigh and feel uncomfortable talking about something like that with his mother.  
You sigh and could cry.  
"I'll talk to him about it later"  
She smiles and slides a little closer to you.  
"He loves you, I see that ... but maybe you have to remind him a little bit that he does," she says, and it sounds a little conspiratorial.  
You have a slight idea what she wants to tell you, but you are not sure.  
"The biggest weakness of my son is that he is jealous ..." you are not quite sure if it is the alcohol. If your mother would tell Atsumu something like that, you'd go nuts.  
You look at her skeptically and she laughs. "So now I'm going to dance with my husband," she says, and walks away.  
As if you could make someone jealous.  
You stroll through the room and let yourself fall on your chair.  
You secretly hope that Atsumu will come to you, but he is busy talking to some people.  
You like to watch people. Atsumu's family is very nice to you, it would have been such a nice day. The only thing which was missing is Atsumu.

But as your boyfriend goes to his first big love instead of you again – its simply enough.   
You decide that you've seen enough. You go to Atsumu's parents and say goodbye, you declare that you have a headache and you need to go to bed. Thanks for the nice evening and leave.  
Atsumu, you don't say anything.  
You take a taxi and drive to the hotel.  
Once there, you sit down at the hotel bar and rethink the evening.  
You have no words for his behavior, you have no idea why he took you there at all.

"Bad evening?" asks a male voice next to you.  
A man in a suit sits next to you, he looks pleasant and you have to smile.  
"Let's not talk about it" you say.  
He raises an eyebrow. "Than- What do you want to drink?"  
He flirts with you ... and it feels so good that he does. You drink together and he really cares about you. Is insanely interested in your studies, doesn't joke that they're dead people, who nobody really cares about. He is exactly what you need now.  
It was a good decision to come her, but you need to leave soon.  
You empty your glass and get up uncertainly from the bar stool.  
"Wouldn't you like to have another wine in my room?" he asks and his blue eyes look at you mischievously.  
It is really the very first time that you are considering, how it would be to go with him, especially since you are really not sure whether Atsumu is fucking his bitch in any toilet.  
But you shake your head slowly. "No, I have a boyfriend..."  
He makes a wailing noise. "Oh too bad ... but it´s recklessly by your boyfriend to allow you running around here alone"  
He is writing something on a beer cap.  
"This is my phone number, if you change your mind ..... but I think if that's the last chance to see you, you should have another wine with me here"  
He looks at you imploringly and you sit down smiling again.

You talk for half an hour when suddenly someone roughly presses his lips on yours.  
Slightly annoyed, you push Atsumu away from you.  
"May I introduce you my boyfriend …" you say annoyed, watching Atsumu just from the side.  
Contrary to other men, Atsumus personally doesn't deter him so quickly.

He shakes hands with Atsumu and introduces himself.  
Atsumu smiles, but it's a fake one. He's looking at you.  
"Honey, do we want to go to sleep?"  
You just smile so as sweetly as he does.  
"But for sure, my love"  
You get up and grin at the man. "Thank you, I had a good time ….maybe the best time of the day" you say provocatively.  
He grins and waves a goodbye.

The air in the elevator is more than charged. You see something on Atsumu's face, that you have never seen before - Jealousy.   
Atsumu is really jealous.

Atsumu starts kissing your neck as soon as you are in front of your door.   
"Don't touch me ..." you hiss.  
Atsumu snorts. "Would you like your friend from the bar to touch you?"  
You laugh stunned.  
"Should I tell you something? After watching you all day how you flirted with this bitch .... Yes, I really thought about it ...."  
Atsumu presses his lips together, you can clearly see that he did not expect this answer.  
"Why did you leave without saying anything to me?"he asks demanding.  
You grin at him and shake your head.  
"I didn't want to stand in your way any longer ... and oh, sitting there alone wasn't so fun …"  
You open your dress and let it slide over your shoulders until it falls to the floor.  
"You weren't alone, my whole family was talking to you ..." he says.  
"BUT YOU WEREN'T THERE !!! I had to get to know your grandma, while you were glued to the ass of your big love.... I was alone all day … Oh no, I was just important as you showed me around like some kind of prize... well when I was already beautiful again" you notice the anger in you is getting stronger by every word you say.

"She's not my big love ..." Atsumu murmurs.  
"Oh yes? It must be so big that it was worth lying to me ..." you glare at Atsumu.  
"What should I have said ?! That there was a girl once, I run after like a stupid dog and that she didn't want me in the end ?!"He says that as if it were absolutely inconceivable that she didn't want him.  
You throw your arms outraged.  
"Yes ?! That's exactly what you might have said..  
1\. I wouldn´t feel so special and  
2\. I would not have been so surprised that you are not nervous about your parents, but about this woman …" you shout in his face.  
Though you try not to do it all the time, tears starts running down your cheeks.  
"I felt really stupid today ... I felt completely wrong ..." you take a break and swallow hard.  
"And what's worst is finding out that she seems to suits you much better than I do …" you don't look away and just let the tears run down your face.

Atsumu strips down to his shorts, and he slowly comes to you.  
He stands in front of you and you see tears in his eyes. Without a word, he falls to his knees in front of you.  
"Atsumu what are you doing?" you ask slightly overwhelmed.  
He bows to you as deep as possible.  
"Forgive me ... please forgive me ... I don't know why I did this ... I don't know why I'm such an idiot ... why I'm hurting you ... why I'm so selfish ... you don't deserve that ... my whole family told me how great you are ... and it was only important to me to show her how great and perfect I am ...and that I have the most beautiful girlfriend....that I completely forgot to show this wonderful woman, how much I love her and that she is the greatest for me ... "a deep sob shakes his chest.  
".... if you want to leave me because of that .... I ...." Atsumu is unable to finish the sentence. You get on your knees too and stroke Atsumu´s back. Then you slowly pull him up and his tearful face breaks your heart.  
You stroke his face and crawl on his lap.  
You hug him as tightly as you can, you notice Atsumu's tears on your shoulder. You sigh deeply.  
"Today I saw a side of you that I knew, but that I never had to feel. In a way, it's probably my own fault, I told you not to put me in cotton wool ...but you left me all alone... I was so afraid to meet your parents ... but without your mother and Osamu I would have been pretty lost. " you say quietly.  
"I'm so sorry ..." he whispers.

You just sit there for a while, caressing each others backs.  
"Did you sleep with her?" you ask after a while  
He's looking at you, holding his hand on your cheek.  
"Of course not ... but I could ... it was my ultimate revenge ... and when I wanted to tell you, you weren't there anymore …"  
You put your hand on his.  
"You should have told me before ... I would have supported you ... I would have taken much more effort to be even better ... because your behavior makes sense now," you explain to him.

Atsumu runs his thumb over your cheek.  
"You would have supported me?" he asks incredulously.  
You nod and laugh with tears in your eyes.  
"Of course you idiot! We're a team. You support me with all my shit, and you idiot tells me nothing about your big love and your worries. I don't love you because I think you have no mistakes, I love you because you make me complete ... and your experiences and your mistakes belong to you.“  
You press your lips lightly against his.

He clears his throat and presses his forehead against yours.  
"I love you more ... and that she fits me better is not true ...maybe if you look at the facts, but you make me kneel in front of you and it feels good to do that. Because I'm doing it for you ...so I think you are my big love....or something like that“ his voice sounds almost shyly.   
You kiss him, your hand runs through his hair. "Please trust me a little more ... Your parents are probably wondering what a weird relationship we have." you tell him with a sight, playing with the black hair of his neck.  
Atsumus laughs and sighs as deep as you do.“Well my mother already told me her point of view...I didn´t really care, because I thought she was wrong, but after our talk I think I need to apologize.“  
Again you kiss each other and his hands wander up your back.  
„Did you really think of sleeping with him?“ he ask and you hear the real concern in his voice.  
For a short moment you are not sure what you should say. But you expect honesty, so you should be honest too.  
You sight and look him deep in the eyes.  
„Well, it´s not like that I really wanted it...but for a short moment...yes I thought about it...Im sorry... he just gave me something I really missed today“ you fold your hands behind his neck and try to hold his gaze.  
„What?“ Atsumu asks with husky voice.  
„The feeling to be special....to be beautiful and adorable....“ you say almost toneless.  
Atsumu looks you in the eyes and you are not sure whats going on in his mind.  
He kisses you passionatly “You are the most adorable woman for me“ he whispers and his kisses goes deeper.  
„I belong to you...please never forget this“ he whispers, and his lips wander over your neck.

Moaning you guide his head down to your breatsts, he kisses the outlines and goes back to your lips.  
„Touch me“ you gasp and put his hand on your breast.  
He squeezes it lightly and you lean back moaning softly.  
„Hold on tight“ Atsumu whispers and jumps on his feed, strateld you put your legs around his waist.  
He kisses you and lies you down on the bed, he opens your bra and kisses every inch of your freed skin.  
Atsumus lips walks a path down to your belly, while he slides your panties down.  
He kisses your inner tights, but you stop him softly.  
„No, I want to feel you closer“ you moan and pull his lips on yours again.  
You reaching for his cock and guide him to your entrance. He slides in slowly and moaning in a pleased tone.  
Through the sweet strech between your legs you need to take a breathe. You hold on his shoulders and kiss the corner of his mouth. But it isn´t enough for him. Greedily he shoves his tounge in your mouth and playes with your tounge.  
Moaning you spread your legs a little further apart and enjoy his slow movements.  
You take his hand and claps it with yours. „Give me more!“ you whisper with low voice.  
It´s just like Atsumu was waiting for your sign. His thrurts become harder and you need to grin over the wet noises of the wet skin between your legs.  
You guide your leg over his waist and pusch him on his back.  
Grinning you sit on top of him and move your hips almost teasing.   
„I should take the lead now“ you whisper and bow down to kiss him.  
His hands stuck on your breasts and he runs his thumbs over your nipples until they´re hard.   
Moaning you lie your head back und move your hips faster. Atsumu squeezes your breats hard and makes you groan his name.  
„This sight is so incredible hot“ he moans eagerly between his theets.  
You lean down for a kiss and Atsumu starts to move again. Moaning you lean against his shoulder.  
„Holy shit“ you whisper and it just motivate him to move harder.  
Suddenly he slows down again and kisses you „ I need to pull out“ he groans and it almost sounds suffering.

You sit up again and pull him up to you.  
„No“ you whisper low, keep moving your hips and hugging his neck.  
He groans your name and you can feel his sperm inside you.  
You slow down your movements, close your eyes and get used to the new feeling.  
Atsumu whispers sweet nothings into your ear and you need to grin.  
When his eyes becomes clear again he grins at you unsurly.  
„Maybe that was a little foolish“ he sights and hugs you.  
You think about the right words. Slowly you shake your head „ I had my period until two days ago ... nothing should happen ... and it felt right ...“ you set a kiss on his forehead and drops next to him.  
Atsumu pulls you into his arm. „I need to trust you in your periods maths... but it felt amazing...you are amazing..“  
You are just laying there...and it feels just right.  
"We have an appointment with my parents for breakfast tomorrow"Atsumu informs you.  
You nod "Can we at least play the happy couple there?" you ask, stroking his abs.  
Atsumu laughs. “Play? Aren´t you happy?”   
You agree with his laugh. " Well, most of the time I am"


	10. Chapter 10

The promise that Atsumu accompanies you to the psychologist every time, he can really keep 2 times. But you already knew that it would be like this, when he promised it.   
Afterwards it was difficult due to his intensive training, but it is okay. You are no longer afraid.   
You learned one thing during your therapy, you are stronger than your fear. And Atsumu believes in you so much, that makes you even stronger. You couldn´t do that without him

For this reasons you stand in front of the gym, where Atsumu has training with his team.   
You are determined to pick him up today, just like any other normal girlfriend. You courageously walk through the door, but just to be on the safe side, you still sprayed your mask with perfume and have it in your pocket.  
You walk nervously through the hall and the silence feels strange.  
As the typical the smell rises in your nose, you get a little dizzy.   
For a moment you think of leaving the hall again., but then you remember that it's not the smells that hurted you and you don't have to be afraid. So you mange to go ahead and change your shoes, you sit on a bench near the court, take a deep breathe and open your eyes again.  
The team is still training and you spot Atsumu quickly. He looks so hot when he´s focused.

You sit there for almost 10 minutes, until a ball flies in your direction. He hits the wall next to you. This is the moment when Hinata sees you, he waves excited and Atsumu turns his head annoyed.   
You know that Atsumu can't stand any distraction. Hence this annoying hand movement before his serves.   
His gaze quickly changes from annoyed to astonished and then there is a broad smile on his face.  
He jogs towards you, still smiling. "You are here ..." he says quietly.  
"Oh my god you really are here," he repeats, wrapping his arms around you.   
He holds you so tight that you can hardly breathe."I'm so incredibly proud of you," he whispers, and you put your arms around his back.  
You just smile at him happily “ I thought you need a suprise”, as an aswer he kisses you.  
"Yo, Miya ... we're not done here" his coach's voice tears you apart. Atsumu smiles and apologizes. "I'm waiting here for you ..." you say and sits down on the bench again.  
You are able to follow the training to the end. Every now and then you feel like you're going to topple over, but you know it's just your fear ... and it won't happen. So you sit there, until the point when Atsumu happily drops onto the bench next to you.„This is such a great day...thank you so much for coming“  
You smile shyly. "Thank you for your patience ... and that you believed in me .." you take his hand and squeeze it lightly.  
He just looks at you and it seems like forever. He squeezes your hand back.   
„Every single minute was it worth...I never thought I could feel.....“ a ball hits the wall next to Atsumu.  
„What the fuck?!“ he shouts in suprise.  
Hinata comes to you smiling shyly. „Sorry“ he says scratching the back of his head.  
„I want to ask, if you could set some more balls for me? I feel like I hadn´t enough...“ Hinata explains.  
„I totally agree“ joins Bokuto the situation.  
Atsumu sighs annoyed. „My girlfriend is here...“ he says and hugs you.  
Hinata looks at you and then back to Atsumu. "Yes, I see ..." he says and it is obvious that he doesn´t understand what Astumu wants to say. You get up laughing.  
„Let him rest, I´ll do it for you, if you want“  
Hinata looks at you and grins bright. „That would be so great“  
Atsumu laughs darkly. "But you're not a setter at all ..."  
You look at him provocatively. "Don´t underestimate me"  
Atsumu looks at you and you know what he wants to say.  
"Oh I won´t" and his tone sounds almost singing.

You hold his gaze and without looking away, you turn to the orange haired boy.  
"Hinata, would you like to match up with me?"  
Hinata looks at you a little questioningly. "Don't you want to do it with Atsumu ..?"  
You laugh and put a hand on Hinata's shoulder. "Ahh no....Atsumu needs a lesson ..."   
Together with Hinata you want to go to the net ,when Atsumu's laugh catches your attention again.  
"Hey Miss Confident. Do you want to play in jeans?"  
You look down at yourself uncertainly. He's right, you don't really wear sport clothes. Atsumu throws his jersey to you. "Put this on ..."  
You put on Atsumu's jersey and Hinata lends you a pair of sports pants.  
You are about to tie a knot in the jersey when Atsumu steps behind you. "I could get used to you carrying my name on your back," he murmurs in a dark voice.  
You laugh softly. "Your sweet words won't get you anywhere here ..."  
He raises his eyebrow and goes under the net laughing.  
Then he turns to you again, with his provocative grin.  
"What do you think? The winner does the work tonight?"  
You laugh almost indignantly and look at him.  
"I'm looking forward to it, I like it when you're on top of me"  
The look Atsumu gives you is a mix of super sexy, exciting and provocative.  
It is difficult for you to hold his gaze. 

You are thrilled of the dedication Hinata plays with. He tries to implement everything you discuss immediately. He is absolutely superior to you in terms of condition, but he doesn´t make you feel like that.  
And so you both manage to win the first set against Bokuto and Atsumu., You hug Hinata in disbelief and realize that you have to be almost 5 cm taller than him.  
So you seem to press him a little firmly against your breasts and he shies away, startled.  
You laugh embarrassed and look at Atsumu. He wipes the sweat amused and shrugs his shoulders.

Unfortunately, luck is no longer on your side for the next two sets.  
Atsumu grins at you through the net. "We won," he says.  
You grin back at him. "Seems so"  
Laughing, he leans forward and kisses you through the net. The cords press into your nose and you have to laugh involuntarily.

You startle apart when someone clears the throat. Someone claps the hands and comes up to you. "Not bad for an amateur."  
You recognize Atsumu's trainer. "You kept up with the 3 almost without any problems. Plus, they are all men ..."   
You would like to take Atsumu's hand because this man is unsettling you. But Atsumu is far away and he doesn't look like he's worried.  
"Atsumu once told me that you played ..." he takes out a piece of paper and writes something on it. "A friend of mine is the coach of this team, in a few weeks they have “play outs” and are looking for new members. Feel free to contact him, I would put in a good word for you anytime."   
You look at the note with the phone number. You are so unsure what to say, you have been in this hall without fear for once and played volleyball again for once. It is far too early to make such decisions. You wipe off the sweat with Atsumus Jersey.   
"Your words are really kind, but I'm doing a full-time stud ..." you begin to explain.  
"She'll go there ..." Atsumu interrupts you.  
Shocked, your eyes go to Atsumu, who completely ignores your gaze. And explains his plans to his trainer.  
You notice how the anger increases in your chest.  
You smile nicely and thank him again.  
You talk a little bit with Hinata and Bokuto for whom it also seems clear, that you´ll go there. You change your clothes and say goodbye. "Do we want to eat something together?" Bokuto asks excitedly.   
You look at Bokuto in a friendly way.  
"I would love to, but I still have so much food from yesterday, I would feel bad if I threw it away. But Atsumu can go with you, if he wants"  
Atsumu looks at you skeptically. "No, of course I will help you with your food .." he just says.   
That is a good decision, you would be much more pissed, if he´d go with his friends.

You go straight ahead into the night.Atsumu follows you and you feel that he is already annoyed by the fact that you are pissed.  
You walk ahead tacitly. You notice more and more that Atsumu makes decisions for you and that's something that you can hardly handle.  
You walk into a supermarket without a word and Atsumu follows you.  
"What are you doing?" he asks.  
"I´ll buy things for dinner, do you want to eat with me?"  
Atsumu looks at you wordlessly and expressionlessly you drop a pepper into the basket.  
"You're lying to my friends?" Atsumu asks. You laugh mockingly. "I'm not going to discuss this with you in a supermarket."   
Atsumu snorts and begins to put things in the basket.

The irritable mood lasts, until you shuts the front door.  
"Why are you keep doing this ?!" Atsumu hits you.  
"I´m asking you!!!" you shout back.  
"Oh, I'm not the one, who runs away wordlessly as soon as something doesn't suit me," he snaps back and crosses his arms over his chest.  
"Oh no, you are the one who simply makes decisions for me without asking me !!!"  
Atsumu looks stunned.  
"Don't you understand what a chance this is? ... This is the ultimate chance ... your dream could come true" it scares you with how much conviction he says that.  
You cross your arms in the same way as he does.   
"Yours or mine?" you ask provocatively and you see that he doesn't know what to answer.  
"I think the worst thing for you is that I go to university every day and I have to study every day. I study things that you think are nonsense. And you're not shy about making fun of them all the time. Me also accept that you're gone every other weekend ... because it's part of your job. You make me feel like I'm completely stupid. "   
"You are wasting your talent ..." it bursts out of Atsumu. Now you don't know what to say.   
"Just leave me be" you murmur and unpack your shopping  
Atsumu drops on the couch and watches you.   
You are so pissed off the situation.  
You start cutting the peppers, you don't know what you want either.   
You don't want Atsumu to go, but you also don't want to talk to him either. 

So you cut the peppers angrily, and you are doing it, until you notice, how the blade cuts into your flesh.  
"Shit" you swear.  
Cursing further, you enclose your finger and get a little panicked as the blood drips onto the floor.  
Atsumu is already standing next to you.   
"What happened?" he asks when he leads you to the tap.  
"I cut peppers ... angrily" you say in a tight voice.   
He nods and looks at the wound. "It is deep, but not too deep ... it just bleeds a lot”   
Atsumu holds your finger under the water again and looks for a first aid kit. 

He takes care of your finger and you, as he finnished, he kisses the bandage.  
"It heals again," he says with a grin.  
"Are you actually proud of me? Apart from the fact that I'm slowly getting my life under control?" you aks sadly.  
Atsumus smile disappears and he also grabs your other hand.  
"Proud ..." he repeats.  
"....You are part of my life ... I can´t imagine that you are not here anymore ...with me...I´m so sorry that I´m obivously not able to show you, how much I care of you...I don´t know why, everytime I wanna show you how good I know you...and yeah.... wanna impress you.. it just fails... I love you more than I can discribe...and I´m so glad that someone like you, is my girlfriend... so yes of course I´m proud...” he looks at your enclosed hands.

You sight and squeeze them.  
“I know you really care of me...but you make decisions for me.... about my life...”  
Atsumu sighs. “Yeah but I don´t really wanna do it...it just happens... I promise I´m going to stop...at least I´ll try....” he tries to explain.  
“.... It...it´s just....listen...You are such a gifted Person, when it comes to volleyball....and I just don´t want you to miss that chance...” you kiss him to interrupts his speech.  
“Im sorry that I was such a bitch” you whisper. “But please let me make my own decision or tell me your oppinion and than we are going to decide together...”  
Atsumu nods and kisses you again. You are watching him and your heart beats faster. You got really the best boyfriend you can imagine.  
Your kisses become more demanding and his hands wander down to your tights and lift you up. You close your legs behind his waist.   
He puts you on the kitchen table and pulls your panties down.

Atsumu really tries hard to make no more decisions for you. It is obviously difficult for him, it is also in his nature that he thinks he knows everything better. But at least he tries, so you try to forgive him, that he still orders food for you.

Atsumu is very busy with his training and doesn´t have much time for you. You accept it, because it is his job, but today you really need Atsumu to be with you.  
It´s friday morning and you are lying on your bed. You have your cellphone in your hand, sigh and open Atsumu´s chatwindow.

I think we have a slight Problem ...could we meet today?

It takes an eternity for him to answer, but finally your phone vibrates.

Atsumu:  
I´m so sorry...but I´m really busy today....so tell me what´s the problem?

You hate his answer...it makes you feel so unimportant...so like you´d be one of his friends.

Annoyed, you decide to put the truth in letters.

"I´m afraid that I´m pregnant" 

At least his answer comes faster this time.

Atsumu:

"How long have you been over it? Did you take a test?" 

It is so typical of Atsumu. No encouraging words, no sign that he's on his way to you .

“1,5 Weeks – no I don´t wanna do this alone. Could you come to me now?”

Another forever passes.

Atsumu:

"I can't now, I have appointments ... come to me tonight ..."

You briefly consider calling him, but you would probably shout at him. 

"Atsumu, I know you have no training ... can you just come - PLEASE?" 

Atsumu:  
"I have important dates, if you are pregnant, you will stay it until tonight ... you can do the test alone, then you know ..." 

Angry, you throw the phone away and start crying.He's right when he says that, but it's important to you now. And what is more important today than you are?

You are so sick of his selfish behaivor, you already start doubting your relationship, as you notice how your cell phone vibrates again. 

Atsumu:   
"No matter how this test turns out, we will do it together." There is a heart at the end of the text. 

That makes the situation a little bit better, but just a little bit. 

Still, the day is terrible. You can not concentrate and what you are mainly dealing with is, what you want, if you are really pregnant.  
In the evening you pack some things and go to Atsumu´s place.  
It seems like Atsumu just came home. He looks a little confused, as he answers the door.   
He kisses you briefly and asks you in. Atsumu also looks stressed out, you don't like it when there is such a strange mood between you two, and actually he doesn't like it either.  
So you look at him almost begging.  
He understands and kisses you tender and hugs you.  
"It's all shit," you mutter against his shoulder.  
He caresses your back, wordlessly  
“I feel so guilty...because I said the pull out game would be okay...and well the one night...” you explain ashamed.  
Atsumu sighs.   
"And I did it all voluntarily,....." he says and kisses your forhead. “......and maybe we are lucky and you are not pregnant ... and if you are, we will make an appointment together ... "Atsumu pats your shoulder.  
“An appointment? Together? "You ask a little bit confused.  
He nods. "Yes, do you think I'll let you go to an abortion alone?" he asks in a way you really don´t like.  
You look stunned at Atsumu. "Abortion?" you ask ... and Atsumu nods.   
"Isn't it an alternative to keep it?"   
Atsumu frowns and snorts. "Of course not!"   
"What?" you ask quietly.  
Atsumu goes to the closet and pulls out a bottle of whiskey. "You can´t seriously tell me you're thinking about keeping it?" he says while pouring himself a glass.   
You look on the floor.  
"To be honest I'm not sure what I want ... but I definitely want to have a choice ..."  
Atsumu drinks the glass empty and looks at you annoyed.  
"We won't have a child now, where should the child live? In your little room?"  
You shrug your shoulders."I don't know, maybe we could move together ..."  
Atsumu laughs out loud."And then we are going to play “family”? You are about to play volleyball again ...”

You fought against it, but tears starts running down your face. "And that's why you are allowed to decide whether I´ll be operated or not? Am I not entitled to have a say something to it at all?" you sob. "You keep telling me that you love no one as much as you love me ... and we've already talked about children ..."   
"In 10 years!!!!" Atsumu cuts you off. "Yes, I love you. But I'm not ready to raise a child. Not even with you." he says and drinks the contents of the glass. 

Without a word you wipe your tears away and take the pregnancy test to go to the toilet.  
Crying, you are sitting on the toilet and holding your face, but you make a decision. If this test is positive, you will do it alone. You're so dissapointed and mad about Atsumu's reaction.   
He left you alone all day and with his reaction he also left you alone. What he unfortunately forgets again and again is, that you are a team. At some point there is a knock on the door. "May I come in?“  
Without a word you open it and Atsumu comes in with two glasses and hands you one. Without a word you put it on the floor.  
Atsumu says your name.  
You look at him out of your howled eyes."As soon as we have lived our life, enjoyed the freedom, I will make you as many children as you want ... but at the moment it just wouldn't be smart ..."  
You are unable to say anything. You stare at him wordlessly.  
You look at the watch, then at the test.   
You take the glass from the floor and drink the contents in one go.  
"It's negative ..." you say coldly.

A smile appears on his lips and you can´t help and throw the test into his smiling face. "However, you are an fucking asshole, and it is not about the fact that I really wanted to have a baby.   
I wanted a boyfriend to support me, who would find a solution with me. You acted like a crappy dictator. You left me all day !! But congratulations, it stayes everything as you wish! "   
You leave the bathroom and the apartment. You angrily stomp out onto the street .  
It's simple enough, you've gotten used to Atsumu finding his opinion more important than yours. But he acted like you were one of his opponents.

On your way home you go past a bar, you look at the flashing lights. „Fuck“ you whisper to yourself and go in.  
You order one beer after another, you want to look at your cell phone but instead you find something in your handbag.

You take the beer cap out of your pocket, open your cell phone and start to write a message. You had completely forgotten that you still have the number of the guy you met after the wedding.   
Trough the alcohol dust, it seems like a wonderful idea to get self-affirmation somewhere else.   
You get an answer right away.   
And you agree in his suggestion to meet each other. You quickly invite him in this bar.

You go to the toilet and try to save your desolate appearance a little bit.  
When you enter the dining room again, a pair of blue eyes are already searching for you.  
With a smile you walk up to him and hug him "I would no longer have expected you to get in touch" You grin and stroke your hair behind your ear. "Would you like beer?"   
He agrees and you sit down at a table together.  
Beer turned into sake and by the end of the evening you're pretty drunk. You pay an incredibly high bill and go out of the bar together. He lights a cigarette and you watch him smoke. 

You look at your cell phone.

2 missed calls of Atsumu.  
No message. You expect more - even if you are drunk.

"Do you already miss your boyfriend?" he asks and blows the smoke into the air. You smile at him, you definitely don't want to talk about Atsumu now. "Sometimes"   
He comes one step closer. You notice his eyes, which are telling you, what he wants.  
He smiles at you and flicks the cigarette away.   
His face comes incredibly close to yours.  
"I'll help you to change your mind a little." he whispers before kissing you.  
And you allow it.


	11. Chapter 11

Tears running down your face, as you walk back to Atsumus Apartment like in trance.  
The pictures of the last hour keep coming up.  
How he greedily kisses you, how he presses you against the wall of the house, how he penetrates you.  
How you enjoy it, until you realize it's not the man you love.   
You started crying and he stopped immediately.   
You apologize and ran away without a word. You cheated on your boyfriend. On Atsumu, the man you love. You don´t know what to do. You just know, you need to go to Atsumu.  
You are standing in front of his apartment door, it´s still light on.  
You just want to be with him ... you just want to be hugged, tell him how much you love him and that you have made a mistake and he needs to forgive you.  
You take a deep breathe and knock on the door.  
Atsumus opens faster than you expected.  
With huge eyes he looks at you and hugs you happily.  
“Thank God, you are here...please forgive me...please forgive me that I´m an selfish bastard...Of course I would raise a child with you...I was just so afraid, that I need to share your attention...But when you were gone I realized that I was fucking wrong... I know I´m not allowed to decide for us alone.....and I did it again....I love you...I love you so much and I.....” you distrub his speech by pushing him away lightly.

You want to say something, but instead you start to cry again.  
“Shh... please don´t cry...if you really wanna have a baby, we´ll make one....but just let check if its possible ....but please don´t leave me...” he says and you need to sob even loader.  
“Atsumu...I love you.....but...” your voice breaks again.  
He hugs you tighter and sets kisses on your neck.  
“I love you too...” he whispers.  
“But Atsumu....I need to tell you someting....” you are feeling so guilty and Atsumu doesn´t seem to understand. He takes your hands in his and kisses them.  
You pushes him away slightly and he looks you in the eyes.   
While he is looking in it, you realize that he begins to know... His view changes from worried to cold.  
“I had sex with another man” you whisper in tears.  
He let go of your hands. His eyes searching for something in yours.  
“What?” he asks with silent voice.  
“I´m so sorry, It just happend, I was just so dissapointed and lonley...but I stopped it immediate-ly.... please for give me...I´ll do what you want...but please forgive me...”  
Atsumu says your name in disbelief and you are not sure but there are tears in his eyes.  
“What are you telling me? You can´t...” he stammer,  
You take his hands again and kiss them. But he pulls them away.  
“You had sex with an other man? We had trouble? I was searching for you the whole night...and you let someone else fuck you?” his voice get more tense.  
“I´m so so sorry...I...don´t know why I did it...but I stopped it because it wasn´´t you....!” you try to explain.  
He seems to be completely overhelmed, what makes you even more cry.  
“ I went with you through all that shit,.....and you slept with another man? He got you without ask-ing much?” he ask those quesions again.  
You try to dry your eyes with your sleeves.  
“But Atsumu... I....I don´t know...I felt so lonley and I was overhelmed....and I was drunken...and please I don´t wanna lose you...” your soabing voice is more than broken.  
You watch Atsumu lose his temper before you, you have the feeling, that he wants to cry. But he only wipes his face with his hand. "You ... the person I trust more than almost anyone else in the world ... you ..."   
You fall on your knees in front of him. “Please forgive me.... I don´t know why....I was just so an-gry and felt so lonley...and he was there...and I stoped it right away...” you beg again.  
Atsumu stares at you stunned.  
“Who?”the anger in his voice makes you flinch.  
You look at the floor and try to find the right words.  
“With whom?" Atsumu asks with angry voice.  
"You met him after the wedding in the hotel" you almost whisper.

Atsumu seems to think for a moment. "That horny bastard at the bar ?!" he almost shouts at you You avoid his eyes and nod.   
Atsumu laughs stunned. "And this guy happened to be where you were?" he asks and the sound of his voice scares you.   
You shake your head crying.   
“So first a little texting? A little dirty talk before?” his voices scares you more and more.  
You fall on your knees. “Atsumu, please...don´t...could we talk normally again?”  
“Oh no, get up again! You are not the one who is allowed to ask for mercy! And believe me I´m really not able to get it...you just went out of my house....and you came back and everything has changed....”  
You shake your head again und your fingers cling to the carpet.  
"Atsumu I'm begging you ... please don't leave me ... I promise I'll do whatever you want ..."  
He laughs and pulls you up to your feed, his face comes incriedible close to yours.  
“All that I want?” he asks in low voice.  
You nod hopefully and wipe your eyes.  
He grins. "Would you please leave this apartment then?"  
You look at him with big eyes.  
He comes a little bit closer to your ear."And would you please leave my life, there is no place for you anymore, since you decided to be a little whore ..."  
You look at him desperately. You notice how panic rises in you. You collapse crying and cling to his leg."Please do not...."  
Atsumu lifts you up without a problem and you clings to his neck and beg for forgiveness. You promise him everything that could help. He carries you out the door, you hold on to his neck and cry the words "no and please" in all possible facets.  
You feel like Atsumu smells briefly on you, before you hit the floor and he slams the door in front of your face.  
With a loud cry you lean imploringly towards the door.  
You have the feeling that Atsumu is still on the other side and you don't want to leave him alone - and you don't want to be alone either.  
You cry and beg for a while, then you only cry and at some point you just fall asleep.

On the next moring, when you wake up, your eyes feel very puffy. Your whole body hurts and your heart feels just numb.  
Exhausted your eyes slide across the floor and you can see that the door is open again.  
Atsumu stands crying in the door frame and looking down at you. As soon as he notice, that you are awake he wipes his eyes and clears his throat.  
“Have you been here all night ?“ he asks quietly.  
You nod and the look on his face makes you cry again.   
„I just can´t.... I can´t go home, because.....it would be the end.....and it can´t be....I....I love you so much...“ you cry and lean your face on your hands.  
„I love you too“ these words are so unexpected, that hope increases in you again.  
You look up and and get up slowly. You whole body hurts and your head feels so empty.  
„Atsumu...you are my life....I think I can´t live without you....I screwed up....but I´ll do everything, what’s possible to make it good again....“  
He steps closer to you and kisses your lips lightly. It´s a kiss you two never shared before...and you know it´s a farewell kiss. You open your eyes and you see that his eyes are open too. He´s got tears in his eyes just like you. He loosens his lips and leans his forehead against yours.  
„And that’s the point...you are my life too....I know I´m an asshole from time to time...but I tried to change my way of life as much as it´s necessary, that it works with us. I´ve never thought that I would do that for a girl, but I had never expected, that I could love somebody, like I love you... and I loved you so quickly. Everyone told me it happens to fast and I just told them that you are so right for me...You are such a special person, you have showed me, how good it feels to take care of someone. And I really tried to be the best boyfriend for you. And maybe I screwed up too...but I´ve never cheated on you, I had so many chances, but I always just wanted to be with you. And we had a little trouble and you walked out of the door and spread your legs for another man.... I wanted to marry you someday, share my life with you. I don´t think you know, what that means to me, I was so stupid and made me addicted to you....“ he shakes his head in disbelief.  
“.....I can´t forgive you that.....I fought so hard, that I´m allowed to touch you like that....and you gave that to someone...who probably cares a shit about you...and I can´t forgive you this.... it just feels like we are dead....I won´t wear your broken crown anymore“ he explains in tears.  
This is the worst case. You´ve never heard something so bad. We. Are. Dead.  
You hide your crying face behind your hands, as you want to beg again, Atsumu grabs his bag. „I´ve Training....“ he says and leaves without looking back.

You walk home slowly. You can feel how people stare at you. No wonder, you must look like a ghost.  
When you open your front door Mayu is on her way to work. She stares at you the same way.   
„Oh God, what happened? How do you look like?“ she asks and it sounds almost shocked.  
You sob deeply, run towards her and fall around her neck.  
Crying, you tell her what happened.  
Even if Mayu has her peculiarities, she manages to build you up so far that you don't want to die anymore.  
But she can't take away the feeling of guilt and these numbness in your heart.

You wearily go to your room and lie down in your bed exhausted.  
First your tears run down your face in silence, then a big sob shakes your chest again and you are crying load until you fall asleep.

When you wake up again – it's already evening. You look at your phone and hope that Atsumu has answered – but nothing. You start to cry again. You´ve lost everything and it´s your own fault. Be-cause you are the stupid bitch, who sacrificed everything which was important... and for what?  
Tears are running down your face as you make your way to the bathroom.

Mayu and Osamu are in the kitchen - cooking together.   
You are so embarrassed to meet Osamu. You are sure that Atsumu told him everything. So you lower your eyes again.   
"Oh, you're awake ... I've looked after you twice, but you were asleep" smiles Mayu.  
She points to the food. "Would you like to eat something with us?" she asks cheerfully.   
You shake your head. "I'm tired ..." you say and go to the bathroom.   
As you lie on your bed again and you hug a pillow, and the thought of Atsumu brings up the tears again. 

When the sunlight hits your room and you open your eyes, you got the feeling, that you just want to sleep again.  
You wish that you could sleep forever.  
Your room door opens slowly and Mayu walks carefully in. She kneels next to your bed and caress your hair. “Hey, we made breakfast....would you like to join us?” she asks.  
You watch her with empty eyes. “I´m not hungry...” you say.  
She tries to smile and nods. “It´s okay...Do you need something else?” she asks in sweet voice.  
You have no straight to be nice, so you watch her unimpressed. “ A time machine”  
Mayu laughs bitterly. “I would buy you one, if I could....maybe something else?”  
“.....Atsumu....” you say und tears come to your eyes again. Mayu gets up and kisses your cheek, she understands that she is not able to help you.

She shows up two other mornings, you are just lying in your bed the whole day and write begging messages to Atsumu. As result he blocks your number...that makes you even more numb.  
On the third morning Mayu kneels next to you again, you notice that the patience is gone and she becomes angry. "You have to eat something ..."  
“I am not hungry....I am just tired... just let me sleep” you mumble.  
“You need to eat...and maybe a shower, too ...so get off this bed...” she almost shouts and pulls on your arm. At first you fight back, but then you simply have no strength.   
Grumpy you follow her.  
"Please just leave me alone!" you beg  
Mayu angrily turns on the shower. “ Oh no I wont, I can't force you to eat, but I can force you to shower, "she says, pushing you into the shower.  
A scream escapes your throat as she starts taking off your clothes.  
"This is sexual harassment, you know that?" you say rebellious.  
"You're an olfactory nuisance" she returns and begins to soap your hair.

When Mayu herself is wet to the skin, you decide to surrender to your fate and start washing your-self. She leaves the shower satisfied. „Some guys would have paid money for this shower scene," she laughs.  
You try to laugh, but it feels like you can´t. After you're done showering, Mayu goes away euphori-cally. "Now that you've showered, what do you think of pancakes?"  
But before she finishes the sentence, you're already back in your room.

You have to admit after showering and with new clothes on, you feel slightly better. But you can´t help and spend the whole day in bed again. Sleep, cry and listen to music.  
It´s late in the evening and you are already sleeping, when your room door slowly opens again.  
You can't believe your eyes as you see the shadows.   
"Atsumu ...." you whisper in a tearful voice and wants to get up.  
“I´m sorry, but....” you hear a fimiliar voice.  
“Osamu...”you whisper and now you are able to see him more clearly, with a tray in his hand. He put it on your desk and sit down on the chair. You feel uncomfortabl that he needs to see you like this.  
It follows a while of silence. You really try to say something smart, but you really don´t know what.

Osamu tries to smile.  
“You've had better times ...”he notes.   
You look at him crying and nod. "I'm so sorry ..... you have to hate me too ...I´m just so stupid.."  
Osamu laughs. "No, I don't hate you ... you screwed up ... but that didn´t happen out of nothing ..."   
You put your hands in front of your face and cry. "But it just happened ... and it was a mistake ... and now I've lost everything ..."   
Osamu makes a thoughtful noise.   
"You lost Atsumu ... not everything ... you didn't lose me for example ... and I brought you good food .. Especially for you - everything you like ... "the kindness of Osamus overwhelms you. You look at him sceptically.

“Why are you doing all this?” you ask in husky voice.  
"I have to admit, at first I was angry too ... but after I heard that Atsumu wanted you to have an abortion and after watching you destroying yourself the last days, I realized that you need two for a tragedy ... there is also a prehistory ... I don't want to apologize for what you did, but it makes it more understandable. And you are punished enough. And the worst thing is, I've heard you cry for 3 days... Mayu says you don't eat anything, so I asked for her key and cooked you everything you like to eat. I hope that I can make the situation a little bit better for you "   
Tears run down your cheeks again but this time for other reasons.   
You hug Osamu happily. "I was so scared that you hate me too."  
He laughs and caresses your back. "No, you're a friend ... probably one of my best ... and without you I wouldn't have Mayu ... so it was pretty clear to me." he laughs and sits down on the bed with the tray.  
"We should watch a movie, while you eat" he decides more than he suggests.  
He turns on your TV and sits back with you.  
"And now eat ..." he says and pours you some tea.  
When you bite the rice ball, you finally realize how starved you are.  
Thankfully you bite again.   
Osamu grins next to you. "Excellent," he comments.  
And for the first time since you left Atsumu's apartment, you feel your body relax.

"Don't you think Atsumu is getting mad?" you ask after a while.  
Osamu grins and shurgs his shoulders. “Since when do I care about Atsumus oppinion?”  
You shurg your shoulders, too and stare at the food.  
“Well, he is suffering like you, he has just the possibilitiy to hate you for something, I think that makes it easier for him”  
You lower your food. "I never wanted him to suffer ..."  
Osamu sighs."Nobody wanted the situation to be as it is ... but you should..no you need to make the best of it ... and you won't find the best here in your bed .."  
You look at him with sad eyes. „Unfortunately I can't help. I just feel incredibly tired"

Osamu makes a humming sound."I make you an offer."  
You rummage in the food boxes."Which one?" you ask skeptically.  
"2 meals a day and a shower once," he says.  
Looking at him you don´t really know, what he wants.  
He looks at you in sharp eyes. “You are going to eat twice a day and have a shower...”  
You laugh uncertainly. "Are you serious?"  
Osamu nods. "Yes..."  
You snort and shrug your shoulders. "Doesn't sound like the best offer to me"  
Osamu looks at you from his dark eyes. "Then listen to me to the end ... In return, I'll tell you how Atsumu is doing ..."   
You stop chewing and look at him with wide eyes. "He blocked my number"   
Osamu nods and his eyes sinks. “Yes, I told him to do”  
You almost choke. "What?"   
Osamu remains calm and seems to be thinking about, what words to choose now. "He also suffers ... and wants to get over you ... and I supported him ... just like you ... I'm not on either side ... but you have the opportunity to get some news over him ... if you start to take care of yourself "   
You lean your head against his shoulder.  
“I´m so glad you came”

You were sitting at the breakfasttable as Osamu enters the door with a box in his hand.  
He wordlessy put it on the table in front of you.  
“My stuff?” you ask factually. And Osamu nods.  
"You should check if something is missing... " You pull the box towards you and look over it "Yes, yes... it will be fine ..." you mumble and look briefly into the box, but then your eyes fall on some-thing.   
You drop your chopsticks in shock.  
"His jersey?" you ask and take it out of the box.  
Osamu nods.  
"They got new ones and he said it belongs to you"  
Even if you don't understand it, you understand what Atsumu means and are incredibly grateful to him. 

Over the next few weeks, you're slowly getting better. But you only feel comfortable at home. Sometimes it scares yourself, that you didn't care about anything. You already missed 2 submission dates during your studies and you don't care.   
Your parents aren't excited about your new lifestyle, but since they can't change it, they have no choice and have to accept it.  
It´s difficult for Mayu not to comment on it and you know, only Osamu tolerates it and as long as you eat and shower, he tells you how Atsumu is doing. 

Osamu and Mayu have breakfast in the kitchen and you are able to feel the love which is in the air. Such moments pierce your heart.  
Nevertheless, you try to put on your smile and sit down with them.  
"And? Are you going to go to university today?" Mayu asks a little snappy.  
You look at her with empty eyes. “Nope”  
She sighs your name. "When do you plan to resume to normal life?"   
You shrug your shoulders and take something to eat.  
"Don't you think it's enough? It's been going on for weeks ... I understand that you are sad. It is always difficult, when something changes in life ..."   
You look at her with an annoyed look.  
"What do you think I should do? Go to university? Well I got some news for you.. they kicked me out ... and it doesn't matter anyway ..."  
Osamu and Mayu first look at each other and then at you.  
“They kicked you out?” Osamu aks in suprise.

You nod and put food in your mouth.   
"And then you are sitting here calmly and eat? You have to wake up !!! You have to find a solution ... or you lose everything!" Mayu screams at you.  
You swallow your food and look at Mayu with tears in your eyes. "I've already lost everything ... I'm eating in my room." you say and get up.   
You know yourself that this is not a solution forever. But you just don't want to think about solu-tions right now, you live from your savings and you can't do more.  
You are simply powerless.

You lie on your bed again and tears run down your face. You don't even notice that Osamu has en-tered your room, until he is in front of your bed.  
"You didn't eat anything," he says.  
"I will eat ...later" you say and wipes your face.  
With a sigh, he sits down on the desk chair.  
"I should ask you something from Atsumu ..." he begins.  
You immediately sit up and wipe your face.  
"What? What should you ask me?" you aks excited.  
Osamu looks at you and stretches his legs.  
"Atsumu asked me, if you still go to your psychologist.."  
You stare at Osamu a little disappointed, you had hoped for something else.  
You shake your head."He told you?"  
Osamu nods. “Yeah, he said that it would be important for you to go there.....don´t worry I won´t tell it to anyone.”  
You nod. “Maybe I should go there again...Osamu I´m just feeling so powerless... I know it sucks what I´m doing...but I´ve no strength to change it. I´m just missing him so much...and I´m dreaming of him all the time...and as soon as I´m awake again...It feels like I just wanna die...I hate my life so much...” you cry desperately.  
Osamu strokes your back. "I forbid you to think that way ... the first thing you should do is start forgiving yourself ... and if you have a chance to use the help of a pychologist...just do it."  
You've never thought of it before, but Osamu is probably right. 

You quickly realize that it is not so easy to forgive yourself. You just can't make it. You make ap-pointments with your psychologist. But you still have no strength for your normal everyday life. And slowly you hate yourself for it even more.

It´s monday morning as your cell phone rings. You are almost sure, that it´s Mayu or your mother. who wants to remind you that a new weeks starts and you have to get out your bed.  
You look at the display. Atsumu.  
Immediately your heart starts pumping and your hands goes sweaty.  
“Hello?” your voice sounds almost weak.  
There is silence in the line.  
“Hello?” you ask again.  
Atsumu clears his throat. “Sorry, it´s just strange to hear your voice again.”  
And as he speaks you completely agree. “Yes” you breathe.  
“How are you doing?” he asks trying to sound as normal as possible.  
“Good, good” you say and you feel stupid. You have waited for such a long time to talk to him again. And you don´t know what to say.  
He laughs dark, almost ironically. “Yeah, I think so good as I do...”  
That´s a chance. You just want to answer as he brokes the silence again.  
“Anyway... I just call to tell you that I made an appointment for you. The “play-outs “ my coach talked about are starting today. You have to be there at 2 p.m.... and I want you to go there....I´ve heard that fate, kicked you out of your boring studies and you are living in your bed at the moment. And thats your chance and please promise me, you are going to use it.”  
You breathe heavily. “But I haven´t trained for almost a whole month....and....”  
Atsumu laughs. “I´m sure your are going to kick those asses, anyway...so go there...”  
You are completely overhelmed, and in the end he seems to be too.

There is a lot of silence in the line again, but it also seems like none of you could hang up.  
“I miss you” you sob and you voice breaks.  
Atsumu sighs deeply. “Yeah this situation really sucks...but it is how it is...and I didn´t call you to talk about us... I just want you to get out of your bed and rule the ball” he says and tries to laugh.  
You stay quiet again. “But ....” you try to start again.  
“No but...this is our situation - created by our own....and now we both have to deal with it...and now hurry up and make me...I mean....yourself... and make yourself proud....see you” and with this words he hung up.  
"Yes, I will make you proud .." you whisper, although Atsumu is no longer on the line.  
Even if it was a short conversation, you seem to be inspired.  
You get out of bed and look for your sports clothes.   
Two hours later you are standing in front of the sports hall. You take a deep breathe, you are really not sure, if you are going to blame yourself now. But the thought auf doing it for Atsumu, makes you strong.   
So you push the door open and step in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It would be nice, if you could leave kudos or a comment to show me if I choose the right way;)


	12. Chapter 12

It’s been 6 month ago, since you joined an 1 Division Volleyball Club.  
You have often imagined this, but you would never have thought, how good it feels to be back on the court again and hear all the people applaud you.  
To your own surprise, you quickly became a regular. Admittedly, not everyone likes it, but you decided that you do not care about the others girls and their opinions. Playing volleyball brought you back to life and that makes it more bearable for you.   
You have met Atsumu twice accidentally, since the day you broke up, it felt strange and you haven´t really talked. But both times you were able to feel it, these feelings you hide deep inside your heart, or head...or whatever mysterious part of your body makes it unable to forget. But you are sure that Atsumu is already over you. Osamu told you that Atsumu dates girls again. What you like and hate equally is that Osamu doesn't put you in cotton wool.   
You do it similarly to Atsumu. Just that you don't get to know the men seriously, but sleep with them and make sure that they disappear again as quickly as possible. Just two years ago, you could not have imagined, that you would be able to do something like that. 

You have a home game. You stand at the service point and count the seconds after the whistle. The number “4” feels good today, so you count to 4 and throw the ball up.  
You love the feeling of a service ass almost the most, with a superior grin you look at your opponents and then at the crowd of people, who cheers just for you.

The smile on your face disappears as you notice a familiar face looking at you. Leaning casually over the railing, you discover Atsumu.  
You stare at him so shocked, that you almost miss the whistle. At the last moment you hit and the ball lands in the net. The audience makes confused noises and it fits the situation quite well.  
Your team members give you a confused look, too. You smile embarrassed and try to collect yourself again. When you look back at the stands, Atsumu is gone.  
You manage to concentrate again, so far that you are able to play a good game. But the sight of Atsumu watching your game, has thrown you completely off course.  
After the game you reject interviews as usual and go straight to the showers. You turn on the water and let it run over your head. You hate yourself for being distracted so easily. And that Atsumu still triggers so much in you.  
After the shower you feel a little better, you rub your hair dry and go into the locker room.  
Grinning, your favourite team member Satu is waiting for you.  
" Everything okay again?" she asks smiling broadly.  
"Yes, I was a little distracted for a while," you say apologetically.  
Satu laughs. "Yes, we all noticed that, the reporter even asked me about it. You should finally start giving interviews."   
You shake your head slightly. "I'm not good at words .."  
Satu laughs and claps her hands. “Yeah, yeah you’re telling it again and again....buut I know what you are going to do, today!“  
You look at her expectantly. "Tonight, me and my boyfriend are going to give  
a party and you will be there. And no excuses, you will be fine" she pads your shoulder.  
Usually, you avoid such parties. You are still not good at going anywhere alone, so you often apologize for such celebrations. But you like Satu and that's why you finally agree.

You go to Osamus stall, where Mayu and Osamu are still busy selling the last Onigiri.  
Mayu greets you with a laugh. "You were great"  
You smile embarrassed and shake your head. "I've had better days."  
"Victory is victory," commented Osamu, pulling something out of a warming box."We saved that for you, you're sure to be hungry"  
You smiles at him thankfully and happily you start eating. "It's really the best of the day, so far. It tastes delicious," you praise and Osamu grins. "Satisfied customers are the best advertisement"  
You shrug your shoulders laughing. "I just never pay for it" then you think for a moment. "But if you want me to have your logo printed on my ass, I will of course do it"  
Osamu laughs. "Maybe that's not a bad idea at all."  
Mayu looks at him in amazement. "Have you ever looked at her ass?! As soon as your logo is printed on it, you will have to hire someone to help you sell"  
Osamu looks at her blankly.  
"If I´d admit that I looked at her ass, I would have a lot of stress ..."  
Mayu pretends to think, then puts her arms around his neck and smiles. "You're absolutely right"  
He leans down to her and kisses her.  
It makes you kind of jealous.  
You look at your food, swallow this strange dumpling in your throat and continue eating.  
As soon as you are finish, you are in your thoughts and are staring at your empty plate for a little too long.  
"Are you still hungry?" Osamu asks.  
You startle a little and shake your head.  
"What did he want here?" you ask quietly.  
Mayu jumps towards you excitedly. But Osamu roughly pushes her aside.  
"He was just hungry ..." he says and on Mayu's face you can see that she doesn't like the answer.  
But she still nods. You decide to change the topic again.  
"I´m invited to a party tonight. I agreed, so you both having the apartment for yourself today." Mayu laughs. "I have been working all day here, there will be nothing going on." Osamu looks at her mistakenly and you grin.   
"Are you getting old?" you ask with a smirk.  
She laughs. "Never ... And? Will your acquaintance stay overnight this time?" she asks provocatively.  
You shrug your shoulders. "If there is one, I hope he will leave as soon as we´ve finished" you say factually.  
Osamu wrinkles his nose. "Would you please have another conversation? Or should I sleep at home?" You look at him in shock. "Who makes me breakfast- then?" Osamu laughs and ticks his forehead. You laugh and help them to clean.

In the evening you stand in front of your mirror, as it knocks on your room door and Mayu enters. She smiles at you. "You look good. And your ass is really great." she says laughing and hits your buttock lightly.  
You frown. "I'm not interested in a threesome, so stop it," you laugh.

She rolls her eyes. "As if I could do it ... buuut I plan to wear something special for Osamu today ... and I wanted to ask you, if I could borrow your shoes " she points your high heels.  
You look at her and laugh. "Something special ... a nice way to describe slutty underwear"  
She grins broadly.  
"That's exactly how it is ..." she agrees.  
You laugh and nod. "Yes, take it as long as you want, I'll stay away until after midnight - just for your fun."  
She grins and cocks her head.  
"At some point I will revise myself"  
You shake your head. "I don’t put slutty underwear on anyone." you say and it sounds kind of sad.  
Mayu looks strange.  
"Hey, that's okay ... it turned out that I'm not that good at making people happy," you laugh.

Mayu says your name and you turn around. "Promise me you won't tell Osamu. As you know Atsumu was there today. He doesn't do it often, as long as I'm around but today he did. Atsumu talked about you. And when Atsumu talks about you, I usually get a feeling that he still cares about you… like today… I didn´t come to eat…. He came because he wanted to see you play…so maybe you should just try a little harder...and…”  
Your heart becomes very tight, you fold your hands in front of your chest and interrupts her speech.  
"Mayu, it's okay ... I don't think it's wise, if I develop any hope here. He's gone, I'll be fine on my own …"  
You go to your shoe cabinet and think about which shoes to wear. "I know you sleep with his jersey every night."Mayu doesn´t give up.  
You take a deep breath and turn around. "I'm not wearing his jersey while sleeping ..." you laugh.   
"No, you are hugging it ... and I'm not quite sure, but I think you are still crying sometimes." You feel caught and look at her seriously. "It will stop at some point"  
Mayu sighs.“I don´t like that you are still suffering, and I think there is hope...so maybe you should..:“  
You turn around and put your hands on her shoulders.“ Mayu, please stop it... yes I´m still suffering...and I´m fucking around because I hope to feel better again...and I know it´s unhealthy and so on...but...I´m missing him that much…and it covers those feeling of ….“ you are not able to end this sentence and wipe your eyes.  
Mayu hugs you. „I know...I know... and you are right...It´s going to be better...“  
You try to smile and nod. „I hope so…I just don´t wanna think about it anymore…I just want to go on, without feeling dead inside…“you sigh. You don´t wanna talk about it anymore.

On your way to Satus house you buy something to drink in the supermarket.  
Satu euphorically opens the door. "I never thought you would really come" You smile shyly. "Do I look so anti-social?" Satu laughs, "Of course not, you just always seem like you don't care" You laugh at her and hug her. You really need to change your appearance.  
"It makes me so happy that you are here ... so come in, I´ll introduce you to my boyfriend"   
She leads you the way through countless people.  
You both stop in front of a tail, good looking man.  
He is very nice and also plays volleyball, you are sure you have seen him somewhere before. 

Anyway, you really don't like being here, situations where you don't know anyone always unsettle you. You are sure that some of your teammates are going to be here too. But you are not able to see them.  
You are also not the type to approach others, unless you are drunk and looking for a man to distract you a little.  
You decide that alcohol helps to make you more social. As you search for something to drink in the kitchen, you discover the whiskey that Atsumu usually drinks.   
Without wanting you smile and pour yourself a glass. You empty it and refill it.  
You go back into the living room and sip on your drink. It's almost late and most of the people are pretty drunk. You stand in a corner and watch the people and hope no one notice you or even want to talk to you.

A guy from the opposite side of the room, makes eye contact with you. You now know this look and you are not drunk enough to play this came.  
But his eyes are still on you and he drinks his glass empty and comes up to you.   
"Alone here?" he asks and shows his white teeth as he grins.

You raise your eyebrows and nod. "…I'm a teammate of Satu ... and I don't really know anyone here"  
He smiles and tells you his name. „You know me now“he says with a wink.  
You smile and stroke your hair from your face.  
You are about to answer something, as someone taps your shoulder. You turn around and look at Hinata's grinning face. You hug him in surprise.  
„What are you doing here? “ you ask smiling and remember the guy behind you.  
You give Hinata a short sign to wait and turn around. "I really know someone right now, but we should definitely talk later again." you say with a wink, which he returns with a smile.   
You turn back to Hinata. "Sorry, so what are you doing here?" Hinata is beaming at you. "Adrian is a team member ... and that's why we are invited ... Atsumu is here too ... or was ... I haven't seen him for a while."  
Now you remember, how you know Satus boyfriend.   
The thought of Atsumu being here, is unsettling you.  
You pull nervously on the sleeves of your jacket. And you are completely in your thoughts.  
Your name pulls you out of it.

Smiling you look at Hinata again.  
"I asked how you are doing ..." Hinata repeated. You smile and shrug your shoulders. "I'm playing volleyball again."  
Hinata nods enthusiastically. "Yes, I saw your match on the news today, you were great."  
You smile shyly.  
"Well it was okay ...had better days…but do you know what? I'll get something to drink," you say, pointing to your glass.  
You need two minutes to breathe deeply, but Hinata decides to follow you into the kitchen.  
On the way there, you have to pass countless people again. Laughing, you turn to Hinata.  
"How many people are here? ... If I would throw a party, maybe 10 people would be there."  
Hinata laughs and you continue your way through the crowd.

In a dark corner you discover Atsumu. He is busy kissing a woman's neck. As you look closely, you recognize the woman. It is the wing spiker from your team, whose regular place you got.  
You stare at the scene in amazement, your heart hurts so much, but you are not allowed to cry in this situation. Hinata pulls you towards the kitchen.  
With a sigh you lean against the counter. You rub your face with your hands. You want to go home again.  
Hinata looks at you a little overwhelmed.  
You take a deep breath and pour yourself a drink.

"The girl won´t be with him for long ..." Hinata finally says. He is not able to look in your face and you try to save the situation.  
"I've heard that Atsumu is a bit restless at the moment ... me too ... but seeing it with my own eyes is kind of ... hard," you sigh. But then you start laughing.  
"But do you know what? The girl there .... I got her place on our team ... and now she has my place ... Sometimes fate is fair." you laugh and empty your glass.  
Hinata looks at you questioningly.  
"I'm sometimes naive when it comes to people ... but I think Atsumu looks at you very differently than to this girl there .." Hinata explains, in the same way Mayu did before. You are so sick of it that everyone want to tell you, that you are so special. But if you are so special, Atsumu would be with you again.  
You fill a glass and drink it all at once. "I cheated on him ... I´m deserving all this ... I deserve to see it all ... I know Atsumu loved me more than anything else, but I messed it up"  
You refill your glass a third time, but before you drink you look at Hinata.  
"In my head, I knew that Atsumus life goes on.. But seeing it ... is really harder than I thought."  
Hinata looks at you pityingly.  
He is just about to say something, when you flip the contents of your glass down and laugh.  
"And I have to keep going,too ... see you later" you say goodbye and look for the guy from earlier.  
You are drunk and desperate enough to be brave. You see the guy in a group of men. You go up to him, put your hands on the back of his neck and bring your lips close to his ear.  
"We could have a lot of fun – if you want" you whisper as sexy as you can.

You hear his dark laugh over the music. He's pushing you away from his friends, in a dark corner. When you feel the wall on your back, you put your hands on his neck.  
He tries to kiss you but you turn your head away. "You won't get my lips .... but the rest of my body is all yours ..." you whisper. He smiles and shakes his head.  
You notice his lips on your neck. "I just want to make you feel so good …" he mumbles.

Your hand slides into his crotch and feels the hard bulge in his jeans. You kiss his chin and your tongue runs almost to his lips.  
"Do you know where the bathroom is?" you ask him and rub your hand over his crotch.  
He closes his eyes and exhales slowly.  
"Follow me" he says with husky voice.  
He leads you to the bathroom. Some people are already waiting at the door.  
"It seems like it will take a little while," he whispers in your ear and begins to pull your flesh on your neck.  
You moan softly and lean your head against his shoulder. Sleeping with strangers has become a habit for you. Slowly you know how men work and what distinguishes "just sex" from "sex with love".

Patiently, you hold your neck patiently to him and hope that the bathroom will finally be free, so you can let him fuck you.  
Gradually the other people disappear annoyed and at some point you stand alone in front of the  
bathroom door. His hands slide up your body and stop briefly under your breasts.  
You know the game. It's always the same.  
You intentionally groan and press your butt against his crotch. He grabs your chin and wants to kiss you. You grin at him and out of the corner of your eye you see, how the bathroom door finally opens. "I told you ,I won't kiss you on your lips ..." you smile politely.

He laughs darkly and his hands run over your ass. "I think when I'm done with you, you'll do it." You are already annoyed by his arrogance. but you will be able to endure it the next 20 minutes. After all, you didn´t come here to talk.  
You laugh and take his hand. "I wouldn't bet on it .." you say and then your eyes hit Atsumus. He is standing in the bathroom door, holding the hand of your teammate and is obviously surprised to see you here.  
"Hey" you stutter. Atsumu lets go of the girl's hand and rubs his hair. "Hey ..." he replies. Everything is spinning in your stomach. Your name breaks through your thoughts. The guy pushes you a little towards the bathroom. "Everything okay?" You look at him and nod.   
When you walk past Atsumu, you can't look away from him.

You lean against the sink in the bathroom. The guy's hands knead your tits and his lips kiss every point of your neck. You look at yourself and him in the mirror. And then you remember that Atsumu was here before and probably did the same thing, but not with you.  
When he puts his hand between your legs, you stop him.   
"What is wrong?" he asks in a hoarse voice. You slowly turn to him. "Wouldn't you rather go home with me?" you ask. "There we have a bed, you would get me naked and we have all the time in the world," you say quietly. He laughs dirty and kisses you on the cheek. "How could I say no to that, I'm just going to let my friends know"

He leaves the bathroom and you are standing there alone. You take a deep breath and let cold water run over your hands and you face.  
Then you leave the bathroom, too .   
"That was quick!", you turn around, startled. Atsumu stands next to the door with his arms crossed and leans casually against the wall.  
"God, you scared me..." you take a deep breath. "Sorry" he grins. You can't stand looking at him. You turn around and look out the window.  
„What are you doing here?“ you ask and look at Atsumu´s reflection in the window.  
He shrugs. "I said once, maybe I'm more the masochist"   
You turn to him. "You wanted to eavesdrop on me during sex?"  
Atsumu rubs his hair. "Well, maybe it would have helped me .."   
You look at him questioningly. "What do you mean?"  
He puts on his eternal grin again. "Oh whatever..."   
You hold his gaze. "So I wouldn't have liked to hear you having sex with my teammate ..."

Atsumu raises his hands apologetically.  
"Oh fuck, I didn't know that. Fuck, please believe me, it was not my intention." he apologies and you know it´s true.  
Even it hurts, you have to grin over his sweet reaction.  
"It's okay ... everything hurts the same anyway ... and I got her regular place ... and she got you ... so maybe it's just fair ..." you say quietly.  
Atsumu stares at you wordlessly.   
"I'm sorry I distracted you during the game today ..."  
You pull up the corner of your mouth and turn around to him again.  
"It's okay, I was just surprised to see you ... but I was glad you were there."  
He shrugs.  
"Oh it was a coincidence ..."

You think of Mayu's words and smile.  
"You looked happy, that's good," he continues.  
"I could be happier ..." you say and looks at him expectantly. He bites his lower lip and ponders exactly what to say. You decide to redeem him. "Thank you for bringing me back to volleyball." you say quietly.  
"I am very happy, that you are playing again ... you are incredibly good," he finally says.  
You nod, and your name pulls you out of your conversation.

"Are you ready?" the guy asks. You look at him.  
"Wait for me at the front door." you say and wait until he's gone.  
Then you look at Atsumu again. "I'll take the guy home, unless you give me a reason not to." You ask with strong voice.  
Atsumu dodges your gaze and bites his lower lip again.  
"You realize that I was having sex with someone else."  
You touch his chin and make sure he looks you in the eye.  
"I give a shit on it!" and it surprise yourself that the alcohol makes you so strong.  
He looks into your eyes and you feel how difficult it is for him. "So? Do I have a reason not to?" you ask again and your voice sounds still strong.  
You notice how he takes a deep breath. There is a fight in Atsumus chest and you are waiting for his answer. Then he dodges your gaze again. "No, you have no reason not to do it," his voice sounds fragile. You shrug your shoulders. "I'm sorry, but you don't look like you're convinced," you say triumphantly. You hold his gaze for a while and start you way home. Even he didn´t hold you back. It was the first you notice, that there is still hope.


	13. Chapter 13

You are sitting in the locker room, staring at the piece of paper, your couch gave you.  
“This is absolutely amazing” Satu sits next to you and nods appreciative.  
You look at her sceptically. “You can go there for me, if you want”   
She hugs you and laughs “Oh I´ll go there, drinks and snacks are always for free and of course I´m going to celebrate you, as soon as you got the “Best newcomer award”.  
You puff. "The best thing to do is to call there and tell them, that I don't want it"  
Satu smiles. "But you know that every prize, comes with prize money?"   
You look at her questioningly.   
"Yes, yes and the volleyball association is not stingy" she continues.  
“So just be happy, that you are nominated… and if you don´t get it, we just eat for free and have good time”  
You grumble. “But I need to talk to the reporters before, and if I´d win I have to do a speech”  
Satu claps her hands. “Yeah and you´ll get a lot of money, if you win and you could fulfil yourself a wish.”  
You stare at your hands and sighs. “The wish I have can´t be fulfil with all the money in the world”  
Satu looks at you. You haven´t told her anything about Atsumu or the past you both shared.  
She smiles and touches your shoulders again. “Then we are going to buy you new shoes with the money – and one pair for me, of course” she says joyfully.  
Now you need to laugh. Satu is such a warm, positive person, simply the complete opposite of you.

On the big evening you are sitting in the kitchen with Osamu and Mayu.   
Mayu is just busy making your hair and Osamu is watching the scene wordlessly.  
“And what do I say if I win?” you cry maybe for the 6th time today.  
Osamu laughs. “First I would say “Thanks”  
You roll your eyes. “Yeah and then everybody expect a big speech and I´ll just stutter “eeeeh and “Ahhhh” and it´s going to be very embarrassing….” You hide your face with your hands.  
“Don’t move” Mayu says impatiently and pulls your hair.  
“I just don’t wanna be myself, tonight. I would love to be an extraordinary, funny and communicative woman”  
Osamu raises and eyebrow. “What prevents you from being it?"   
You stare at him almost astonished. “Hello? It´s me!”  
Mayu puts your hair in a bun. “And sometimes you are a really funny person, who is loveable, too. You even bought golden pumps for this evening”  
You look at Mayu. “You bought the same ones in silver…..” you just say.  
Mayu laughs. “That doesn´t change my statement… but just go ahead and feel sorry for yourself…. But you are beautiful and a fantastic volleyball player….and you´ll win tonight…everyone is sure about it – even Atsumu. And he is going to be there, too….”  
“Mayu!” Osamu´s voice echoes through the kitchen.  
She rolls her eyes and watches you. “Perfect! And now hurry up! Put your dress on!”

As you stand in front of the mirror, you notice that your dress is just boring. It's black and you look like you're going to a funeral. And your golden shoes doesn´t do any better. You put on the right shoe and walk back in the living room.  
Osamu whistles “Wow, my girlfriend told me to say, that you are really beautiful”  
You look at him confused and Mayu hits the back of his head.  
Osamu laughs. “No you really look great…”  
“No it looks so boring…I don’t know….” You fall on the couch and snort.  
While looking at your shoe, an idea comes up to your mind.

“Mayu could you lend me one of your silver shoes?”  
Mayu looks at you sceptically. “ Just one?”  
You nod.  
She goes into her room and hands you the silver shoe and you put it on. 

Back in your room you search for different accessories in silver and gold.  
When you come back into the living room, Mayu looks at you from top to bottom.  
"Interesting ..." she comments. "Yes… really good ..." she agrees again.  
Osamu looks at you without understanding. “I don´t really get the difference”  
Mayu looks at him in punishment.   
Osamu raises up his hands. “No, no ….it is perfect I wish you would wear it to my birthday party” his voice is full of ironic.  
You need to smile, Mayu and Osamu are really cute together.   
“Thank you so much – both of you.” You say and bow.  
Mayu and Osamu look at each other questionably.   
“Yeah, especially I did much for you today” Osamu laughs.  
You shake your head. “I don´t mean today. But I couldn´t do all this without your help. Without you both I´d still lay in my bed and feeling sorry for myself” you admit quietly.  
Osamu smiles at you. “It´s fine…. If you win today…just invite us for dinner…. “  
“…..and stay away until after midnight…” Mayu adds with a grin.  
You roll your eyes. “It´s hard to live with a couple which is completely in love.”

You are sitting on your table next to Satu. She is completely satisfied with her cocktail in her hand.  
“The best thing about not being nominated for anything is, you can drink as much as you want before the event starts.” she laughs. You are already feeling sick.  
You take her Cocktail out of her hand and swallow it down in one sip.  
“Ey” she looks at you confused.  
You laugh overwhelmed and wave for the waiter. As you order new drinks, you see Atsumu entering the room. Your eyes stuck a little bit too long on him. He looks so fucking good in a suit.   
“Ah, I would stay away from him….” Satu comments your gaze.  
You look at her confused.   
“You are a way to nice for Atsumu Miya…. He usually is an asshole as soon as it comes to woman….and before you know it…he is already in another one….” Satu explains and looks happily as the waiter comes with her drink.  
She takes a sip. “But Adrian told me he had a girlfriend once, a really nice girl…unfortunately my dear boyfriend, is not good in recognizing people… so I don´t know anything about her”  
While Satu is telling you this, you are not sure, if Adrian really forgot you, like you forgot him. Or Satu just wants to tease you.  
“….and in the end, he kicked her…and she was never seen again” Satus voice turned dramatically.  
You are biting your lower lip and search for the right word. You take a sip of your water and one of your wine.  
“Are you testing me?” you finally ask.  
In Satus eyes you are able to see real confusion. So you know that she truly doesn´t know.  
“No…I just don´t want you to be hurt…”  
You take her hand and smile. “Well Satu, I think I have to make a Confession.”  
Satu raises her eyebrow and her glass at the same time. “Now I´m curious”  
“I was the girlfriend….” You say with a smile and it hurts more than you expected.  
But Satus sight is incredible. It is a mix between shocked and embarrassed.  
“Are you kidding me?” she asks.  
You shake your head and try to laugh. “Unfortunately, no…”  
She looks between Atsumu and you in disbelief.  
“I am shocked… I thought it would be someone like him… so reckless and selfish, just like him”  
You smile sadly.  
“Don´t badmouth him to much….Atsumu is great….and I think we both are more similar to each other than you´d expect.” You look at your glass and sigh.  
Satu huffs. “That you still defend him after he left you”  
“I cheated on him….” you confess.  
Satu looks at you still wordlessly.  
“…and that’s why I lost the love of my life… you are right when you say that he is an ass from time to time…but he is my pillar… well, he was….I don’t know…he went with me through hard times and he cared of me so much…he made me complete…and since he´s gone…I´m wearing my broken crown, alone.” As much as you try, you need to wipe your eyes.  
She hands you her cocktail glass.  
"Here… I think you need this more than me ... We´ll fix your crown, tonight ... and since he stares at you all the time, I assume that you are also still an issue for him"  
You laugh bitterly. "He is very clear, when it comes to destroying my hopes ... but well enough of this ... let's deal with how I´ll survive this evening" you say and swallow Satus drink.

As is traditionally the case on official occasions, there are many people who have many important things to say. It's relatively boring, the honours go by and you watch the losers, so you can make a good face if you don't win. You don't really expect to win anything here tonight and want a fair loser face.  
When the laudatory speech is given to the best newcomer, Satu takes your hand. Somehow everyone seems to be more nervous than you are.  
You don´t wanna disappoint her and you squeeze her hand.  
Your name echoes through the hall, but you just hear it in the background.  
Satu looks up at you. "You have to get up now ..." she keeps repeating.  
You look at her and nod and slowly walk towards the stage. The man hugs you and gives you your prize. Since you didn't expect it at all, you stand there a little wordless. "You wear two different shoes," comments the man.

Without wanting it, he gives you a really good template. You clear your throat. "Yes, I didn't expect to win anything here, so I hoped to attract attention in this way.”   
The people in the room laugh and you remember what you can do well, be intelligent and funny.  
You clear your throat again.  
"Sorry, of course I didn't prepare any speech either, I paid more attention to how the losers laughed politely, instead of listening to the winners' speeches ... but I think I have to say “thank you” now. First of all I need to thank my parents for supporting me and my friends, who always came to cheer me on, my team of course, without you ladies I couldn´t do this… and yeah…I think I need to thank one person, who always believed in me, when it comes to volleyball. And without him, I wouldn´t be here…he is or was my pillar in so many ways…and yes thank you…” you give Atsumu a small look. “…And I want to thank everyone I forgot…but hey, you all know me, sometimes I´m just a mess….” You laugh and raise the price in the air.  
Although you got a prize you could cry. You would love to go to Atsumu and kiss him, but instead you go to Satu and hug her.  
“I need more wine now….” You whisper and she waves for the waiter. 

Your wine comes and when your eyes fall on Atsumu you see that he is looking at you, smiles and raises his glass. You toast to him and turn back to Satu.  
While Satu dreams of millions of people, which are going to see your games now. You spin her ideas and drink your wine. Mayu and Osamu will be so happy too.   
The award ceremony continues and you're pretty balanced.  
You keep on drinking your wine, when a voice on the stage, makes you flinch.  
You let your glass sink and freeze. This voice.  
All these pictures comes up in your head again.  
You immediately feel dizzy. You can't breathe. You raise your eyes and there he is. The winner for the "Trainer of the Year" is giving his speech.  
You are not able to breathe anymore. You want to get out, you need to get out.  
Your gaze slowly goes to the stage again.  
His smile is as disgusting as it was back then. You stare at him with your eyes open and a tear rolls down your cheek.  
You wake up from your trance, when Satu touches your arm and says your name. You look at her in shock. "Sorry, I'm feeling sick ... Could you please let them know, that after our next match I will answer all the questions of the press. But I'm not feeling well, I have to get out of here"  
You hectically pack up your things and run out of the hall. 

You run past all the people, ignoring the questioning looks. You stop in the entrance area and support yourself against a wall.  
You try to breathe calmly, but you fail.   
You lean against the wall crying. You have trouble suppressing a scream.  
"It is he, isn't it?" you hear a heavy breathing voice behind you.  
You turn around and see into the wide open eyes of Atsumu.  
You take a deep breath and try to pull yourself together.  
"Go back to the award ... I'm okay" you try to say in a strong voice.  
You turn back to the wall and wipe your eyes. Atsumu comes closer and you notice how he puts a hand on your shoulder. You pull your shoulder away and move closer to the wall.

"I don't want your pity, this is not your problem anymore" you try to say. He says your name in such a loving tone, that you haven't heard him say since you separated.   
"This is not about pity, I just want to know, if this bastard, is the one who hurted you so much, that you were not able to sleep with me, even though you wanted to. He dictated our relationship to a large extent in so many ways. And….I think I just want to hug you right now "  
You turn around slowly, your lower lip trembles.   
You look at him and nod.  
Then go up to him and hug him.   
His smell rises in your nose and it is just like coming home.  
You can't cry anymore, you're just glad that you are allowed to press your head against his chest.  
Your body feels so numb.  
You feel his lips on one temple. "I won't leave you alone ... I'm so sorry that you have to experience this ..."  
His hands stroke your back and you hold on to him. “Could you bring me home?”

You notice how Atsumu's lungs fill with air. "I can't take you home, you would go back to bed and you'd be alone ... but I can invite you to dinner."   
You don't really about care what happens next, you just want to get out of here.  
You rub your eyes and go out into the cool night air.  
"Slowly its getting autumn" comments Atsumu and you nod.

Your heels click on the ground and it's pretty much the only sound. Neither of you really knows what to say.  
"I like what you're wearing," Atsumu tries to start a conversation.   
"Thank you, you look very good too ..." you say quietly.  
"I know ..." grins Atsumu and winks at you.   
Now you have to grin a little too. "You see, when you laugh, you are even more beautiful," he laughs, putting his hands uncertainly in his pocket. "What do you want to eat?"  
"Atsumu ... you don't have to do this ... I just can go home and you go to the event again ... or if you want you can take me home ...and we could talk…"

You look at him questioningly and he bounces back and forth slightly. "I would kiss you and sleep with you ... and then I would love you again ... and ... it was incredibly hard not to do it anymore ....."   
You look at him and you would like to discuss, if he is sure that he is no longer doing it. But you don´t have the strength, so you just sigh. “I would like to eat something, which we are able to eat on a bench in the park. I don´t like the thought of sitting in a full restaurant.” You clap your hands.  
“Mc Donalds would be great!”  
Atsumu laughs and nods.

When you both place your order, you look around the restaurant.  
You laugh and Atsumu looks at you questioningly. "We're clearly overdressed," you comment on the looks of the other visitors.   
He laughs darkly and pays for the food. "I didn't plan to be here today either, instead I planned to fuck some volleyball player on the toilet," he grins and hands you your bag of food. You grab it and storm out without a word.  
You trudge ahead and Atsumu has trouble following you.  
You turn into the park and let yourself fall on a bench.  
Pissed off you put french fries in your mouth.  
Atsumu sighs and falls next to you. "And where's the problem now?"  
You roll over your legs and look in the other direction.  
"There is none..."  
Atsumu unpacks his food. "If you say so..."  
You eat in silence for a while.  
"It hurts me ... it just hurts me when you tell me something like that ... and it hurts me that this asshole has caused me so many problems and is getting a price today, I'll make one mistake and go through it hell ... and I'm so grateful that you are sitting here with me eating now ... but I can't enjoy it, because you tell me you'd rather fuck a whore in the toilet. "

Atsumu laughs. "You are jealous"  
You look at him and turn away again. "Yes maybe" you admit. He laughs again and breathes. Then he looks at you. "I'm sitting here with you now, right?"  
You shrug your shoulders.   
"And about this idiot ... now that I know who he is, I can fix it ..."   
Startled, turn to him. "Please promise me you won't do anything!"  
Atsumu pats his fingers clean.  
"Listen, I can't, I'm so mad at him ... and you're right, he didn't deserve this award ... but I promise you that your name won't be spoken.”   
You look at Atsumu sceptically.   
“However, you should consider, whether you should make your story public. You have a strong voice and you are brave ... you could help a lot of other women, who experienced the same…. but I´ll leave it up to you. "  
He sips on his coke and you look at him wordlessly.  
“I´m going to think about it…” you finally say.  
He smiles at you and so you do. He looks at your naked arm and touches it lightly.   
“You are freezing” he says and put out his jacket and hand it to you. Shyly you put it on and soak in his smell.

Atsumu leans back laughing. “So… tell me, how it feels to be an famous volleyball player?”  
You smile and you start talking about the business and the things you experienced since you separated and about your families. You two laugh a lot and it´s like the times, you were lying in your bed and doing those talks. You belong to him; you are still sure about it.  
“Would you wait for me for 10 min?” you ask smiling and get up.

As you came back with two cups full of ice cream, Atsumu is watching the sky.  
You need to grin, there are dancing so many butterflies in your stomach. As he sees that you are back an honest smile shows up on his face.  
“I knew you would come back with Ice cream…you love it so much….” He laughs and you hand him a cup.  
You raise your eyebrow and smile. “Yeah and I do a lot for things I love….and this is the best ice cream in town” 

Atsumu stares at you and shoves a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. You two where sitting there in silence for a while.  
“Tell me about the night it happened…”  
You swallow your ice cream and look at the cup.  
“Do you mean the night….?”  
Atsumu nods. “The night you were with the other man…”  
You notice how you get nervous. You poke in your ice cream and think about how to start. You decide not to apologize right away. He gives you the chance to talk and you don't want to mess it up.“I was on my way home, when I stopped in front of a bar. I was just so angry…and disappointed… that I decided that I needed a drink… so I went in and got drunk….I searched for my cell phone in my bag and I found his number… I didn´t keep it on purpose…I just forgot it… and I found it…” just remembering those things, makes your voice break and you feel tears in your eyes again.  
Atsumu is sitting there, listing and eating ice cream.  
“….and for some reasons, which seem so insignificant to me… I wrote him a message….” You sigh and make a break to take a breath.  
“Which reasons?” Atsumu asks.  
“…. I felt lonely….I missed the feeling to be part of a couple….and I just wanted to hear how great and beautiful I am….and that’s why I wrote him….”  
Now you can´t hold back your tears anymore.  
“….and then we ordered shots and beer and it just happened…he kissed me and I allowed him to touch me….he guided me behind the house… and I allowed him to push down my jeans…he lifted me up and as soon as he pushed in…I begged him to stop…and he did… I pulled up my jeans and ran to your house again..” you sob.   
Remembering those things makes you cry even louder…it hurts so much.  
“Why did you tell him to stop, even he shows you, that you are adorable?” Atsumu asks calmly.  
You wipe your eyes. “Because I wanted you to make me feel adorable…we were fighting all the time…and I didn´t need a whisky….I just wanted to be hug once…I know I messed it up…and I lost everything….”  
Atsumu sighs deep. “ I messed it up too”  
You laugh bitterly. “Oh no…you had so many chances to have sex with other women and you´ve never cheated on me”  
He folds his hands and nod. “Yeah that’s right, but that day…I should have been there…I left you alone the whole day….I wanted to surprise you with a vacation trip and I was busy with that the whole day… and it was completely clear for me that, we won´t have this child, if you were pregnant. So I thought it would be okay to meet in the evening.”  
He looks at you and laugh. “ In the meantime it all seems so ridiculous to me, I know that I should have been with you and we should have discussed what life with a child would be like.  
I was like a dictator and that all too often. I loved you so much, I wanted to lock you in a cage and with my behavior I drove you to someone else. And now we are, where we are.”

You take his hand and enclose it with yours. "Can't we just go back?"   
You notice how Atsumu's thumb runs over yours. You squeeze his hand lightly and he sighs and turns his head towards you.  
He strokes your hair from your face. "It would be like this again. I would like to lock you up and someday you cheat on me again. We have no security and I can't ... I'm sorry ..." Atsumu whispers and let’s go of your hand.   
"I love you," you say. "I always have, and it probably won't change. All I can do is promise you that I won't cheat on you anymore ... it´s so hard to be without you…it is so hard to wake up every morning knowing that you won´t talk to me today. Without you, one piece in me is missing.”  
Atsumu says your name and interrupts your begging speech.

"We just have no security and you are sharing the same hell with me," says Atsumu, standing up. Then he looks at you. "But we should make sure that this bastard never hurts anyone anymore." Then he says goodbye.   
"Your jacket," you say. Atsumu shakes his head. "Give them to Osamu, he's always hanging around with you anyway"   
You nod and get up.  
"Atsumu .... you still love me, don't you? Because if you wouldn´t do, you wouldn´t gave me the jersey…"  
Atsumu looks at you wordlessly.  
“It just always reminded me, how beautiful you were in it ... that's all ...”he says sadly and leaves.


	14. Chapter 14

As you open your Room door you see in the smiling faces of Mayu und Osamu.  
“Congratulations!” Mayu shouts and hugs you.   
You smile and mumble a “Thank you”  
“Well, you are not looking like a winner…” Osamu comments, while he hugs you.  
You clear your throat. You haven´t slept much last night. You were thinking about the things Atsumu said. And you finally made a decision.   
“Well…I need to tell you something….” You say determined.  
Mayu and Osamu exchange a look and you sit down at the kitchen table.  
“Did something happen?” Mayu asks with concern in her voice.  
You nod. “Yeah but some time ago” you fold your hands and try to search for the right words.  
“…When….” You start but your voice brittle. You encourage yourself again.  
“When I was in my first year of university, I was raped….” You are not able to look them in the eyes, so you keep staring at your fingers.  
“…and yesterday I met the guy again…I didn´t know he was there… it was some kind of shock…”  
“What are you saying?” Mayu asks in disbelief.   
You clear your throat. “Yes… It is not that easy to talk about it… but that’s what I decided to do… I wanna talk about it…maybe it helps other people…or myself…I don´t know…” you shrug your shoulders and feeling kind of stupid.

There is a lot of silence in the kitchen.  
“Does my brother know?” Osamu asks with husky voice.  
You nod and raise your eyes. “Of course! He is the one, who encouraged me to make it public”  
Mayu comes up to you slowly. “Why haven´t you said anything?”  
You look at her. “Because I felt embarrassed…”  
She puts her arms around your neck. “ But you don´t have to…. I´m so sorry….”  
You nod. “I know…” you sigh and start to tell them the whole story.  
As you´ve finished, you start to feel kind of relieved.  
Mayu watches you closely with sad eyes. She doesn´t really know what to say and you don´t know either.  
Osamu rubs his face “We have champagne in the fridge”   
You start to laugh. “Sounds great”  
Mayu looks at you almost in shock. “We can´t drink champagne now”   
You go to the fridge and take out the bottle. “Well, one of the things I learnt during my therapy is, that the past is not allowed to set the rules to me current life…and I´m a fucking winner…and he ruined so much in me….and he is not allowed to take this too”   
And so, you toast and talk a little about the award ceremony.

“Don´t forget my birthday party next Saturday” Osamu says more by the way.  
“Yeah, yeah…you are going to remind me every day…do you have a birthday wish?” you ask.  
Osamu shrug his shoulders. “I´ve everything…so just be there…and don´t stress yourself because of my brother…. Ah by the way I need a present for him too…”  
You laugh bitterly and set your glass at the table. You come back with a little box in your hand.  
“Well, you can have mine…I think it´s not right, if I´ll give it to him… I bought the watch some time ago…. before…that all happened…he saw it and really liked it…so he´ll be very happy” you try to smile.  
Osamu grabs the watch and looks at it closely. “He would never believe, that I bought something like that for him …it is very nice… you could give it to me” he jokes.  
You smile shyly and nods. “Maybe I should”  
Osamu shakes his head and becomes calm. “No…you should give it to him…he will like it”  
You take the watch back and looks at it. “Oh I´m not sure, ….”  
He takes your hand and breathes. “Stop it… For how many month do I try to help you both out of this relationship? And it´s always the same…you both still care for each other…although you keep on telling me, that you are already out of it…so maybe I need to accept your way to deal with it…but promise me to give him the watch…”  
You try to deny his gaze and shrug your shoulders.

Later the day you consider to right Atsumu.  
You open his chatwindow... your last message to him was month ago. Osamus words are still spinning around in your head.  
You would give everything, if it would be true. But Atsumu always deny any hopes you had.  
And you are not sure, if he has still blocked your number or not.  
Whining you lie on your bed, but you decide that you need to know it.  
You look at the cell phone and start typing.

“I´m going to tell”

With a lot of fear in your stomach you are starring on the screen.  
As you recognize that he got your massage, you get really excited.  
And your heartbeat almost stops as your phone vibrates.

Atsumu:

“I’m proud” 

Okay it´s not much, but you are not a blocked number anymore. That’s good.

When you open the newspaper on Wednesday morning, you see that Atsumu hadn´t promised to much.  
In huge letters a headline asks, if a volleyball couch uses his might to have sex with players.  
The consents is not exactly right, but you know what you have to do now.  
You call the newspaper and make an appointment for an interview.

It´s the day of Atsumus and Osamus birthday and you just came back from your morning run.  
Mayu is standing in the middle of your apartment, grinning at you.   
“I made breakfast” she announces.  
You look at her sceptically. “Oh my god, what happened?”   
She smiles. “Nothing. “  
But you are almost sure that’s a lie. You live with Mayu for 3 years now and the only time she made breakfast for you, was your birthday.  
But the fact that you are hungry, makes you sit down and start to eat.  
“I thought you´d be with Osamu the whole day”   
She smiles shyly again. “Oh I was already there…and well I gave my best….but I need to talk to you over my birthday present for Osamu…”   
You stop chewing. “Please don´t ask me for a threesome” you ask almost begging.  
Mayu laughs. “ Oh no…I´m to jealous for it,….it´s just like….” she takes a deep breath.  
“It´s just…it works very well with Osamu…” she stutters.  
You raise your eyebrow. “I know, I´m living with you…you both are completely in love”  
Mayu grins ashamed. “Yeah and that’s kind of the point…”  
You let your chopsticks sink and you already know, where this is going…  
“…I want to ask Osamu, if he wants to move together with me….” Mayu explains quietly.  
There is a huge lump in your chest, but you swallow it down and smile.  
“So you want me to move out?” you ask in strong voice.  
Defensively, she raises her hands. “Yes….but please take the time you need and Osamu haven´t agreed yet…and you don´t have to..if you don´t want to….”  
You stand up and lay your hand on her shoulder. “It´s okay….Im happy for you and as soon as he agree I´ll search for an own apartment. I thought about it some time ago, and Í´m old enough to live on my own.” You say and hug her. As you look on her face again you see this unbelievable happiness, so you hug her again.  
“But …I need to prepare for my interview, now” you apologize to your room.

As you close the door behind you, you sink down and lean against it. You rub your face and sigh.  
Now you have also lost the last point in your life that gave you hold.  
You sit there for a while and just watch your room. You loved to live here.  
But time is running fast and you´ve an appointment with the newspaper and maybe you are able to make someone’s life better, with telling your story.  
So you dress yourself as serious as possible and go to the meeting point.  
As you arrive, you see a lot of TV cameras.  
“What´s going on?” you ask a woman, who comes up to powder your face.  
She grins. “We are making you beautiful for your interview.”  
You look around confused. “But I´ve an appointment with someone from a newspaper”  
While you are saying it, another woman comes up to you. “Honey the story is already to big, and you need it to tell it the whole world”  
And that’s how you get into your first interview.

You promised Osamu to bring something else than alcohol for the buffet, so you try to make some finger food. And you are more or less successful.  
As you enter their apartment, it’s already full of people. But it feels different, because you know most of them. You bring your things to the kitchen and search for Osamu. You spot him in the middle of a group of large man. He comes up to you smiling.  
“I watched your interview…I´m so proud” he says and hugs you.  
“Happy birthday” you say without commenting the interview. It took a lot of strength to talk about it, and you are just happy that its over. You hand him your gift.  
“Oh you don´t need to bring me a gift….you brought me the biggest gift at all…” he says and his eyes are searching for Mayu.  
With the thought of moving out of your apartment you sigh. “Yes, yes….I was a little amor…that´s true…”  
Osamu laughs and so you do.  
“I had an exhausting day, I need a drink” you say and go to the kitchen.

You are just thinking about what to drink, as you run into someone.   
“Sorry” your mumble. As you look up you see Atsumu.  
Overwhelmed you try to smile. You hug him a little uncertainty and mumble “Happy birthday.”  
Immediately you remember the watch in your handbag. But Atsumu is a little in the hurry and so you don´t need to think about it.  
You take a beer out of the fridge and go to Mayu.  
For some reason you are more jealous than usual as you watch Osamu und Mayu.  
Of course, he agreed to move in with Mayu.  
So they're a little more in love today and you're definitely homeless.

Watching the situation, you are searching for your cell phone in your pocket.

7 missed calls from your mother

It is immediately clear to you, what she wants. You didn't tell your parents your story. When you are considering, whether you should call back now or rather wait until tomorrow, your cell phone rings again.  
You answer your mothers call.   
You don't really have time to greet her, immediately you realize that your mother is very emotional.  
"Mom, I understand you badly. Please stop crying. I'm on a birthday party, I have to go somewhere,where there isn't that much noise."  
It is senseless. Your mother just keeps talking in a mix of worry and reproach. You know no other way to help yourself and go to Atsumu's room. Fortunately, it is empty.

At least for 15 minutes you listen to her and her crying and that you shouldn't have gone that far from home. That you should have told her and that you should come home please. "Mom, it was years ago ... I just had to talk about it now ... I know I should have told you that before ... I'm sorry."  
From the corner of your eye, you can see the door opens and Atsumu comes in the room.  
He looks at you with a questioning look. You look at him apologetically and form the word "Mom" with your lips.  
Atsumu nods, pretends to be looking for something and finally sits on the bed.

You continue to discuss with your crying mother for another 10 minutes, until you finally say. "I'm really sorry that you had to find out about it like this, but I'm grown up, I'm not going to move back home and I have it under control. I love you and will visit you again soon. Greet Dad from me."  
You end the conversation and let yourself fall into the armchair.  
"Sorry ... This day simply sucks….I´m homeless, I had an unexpected interview and I forgot to tell my parents before they saw the interview ..." you say, rubbing your face.  
Atsumu lies on his bed and hums.  
"It went stupid, but it doesn't change that you did the right thing ... I saw the interview ... you did a great job…and your parents will calm down again…I know how they feel…they love you…and it´s the worst, if the person you love so much, got hurt this way and you are not able to help” Atsumu explains and gets up.  
"Thank you" you say quietly and get up from the armchair. You put your cell phone in your handbag and want to go past Atsumu. "Enjoy your birthday yet" you say and want to grab the doorknob.  
But Atsumu stands in your way and looks at you. Your eyes look uncertainty into his. The streetlights which falls into his rooms, makes his eyes shine almost gold.  
His usual smile appears on his face. His arrogance is incredibly sexy. You exhale as Atsumu brushes a strand of hair out of your face. "What are your rules for one-night stands?"  
You bite your lower lip, you guess where the journey should go and try desperately to think about how you feel about it.  
"I asked you something ..." Atsumu pulls you out of your thoughts.   
You clear your throat. "No kissing on the lips ..." you explain in a husky voice.   
Atsumu grins and kisses your neck.  
You draw in the air. Atsumu's lips stop just below yours.  
"So can I do that? ... What other rules do you have ...?"  
You are breathing hard. "Always with a condom, only pussy and no licking" you try to comply with his request.  
You groan as his teeth pull on the skin of your neck.  
"What are you doing?" you ask before you go crazy.  
You notice Atsumus breath on your neck as he laughs.

"Well, it's my birthday ... and I should give myself something ..." he whispers and shoves his hand under your shirt. You moan as his fingers run over your nipples.  
“And you are so damn beautiful…and I want you on your knees in front of me.”  
You close your eyes and try to get you head straight.  
But you want it. You want him.  
You pull your t-shirt over your head and Atsumu grins at you.  
"I hoped you would agree," he whispers, running his hands over your back. You go on your tiptoes and want to kiss him.   
But Atsumu pulls his head away slightly.   
He kisses the corner of your mouth. "No kissing on the lips ... your rules," he whispers and opens your braid.  
Your hair falls over your shoulders. "Your hair has become long ..." Atsumu comments.   
You open the buttons on his shirt. "Stop talking and fuck me ..." you say and yank on his belt.   
Atsumu takes off your pants and pushes you towards the bed.   
He turns you around and you feel his erection pushing against your butt.

While he pushes you on the bed and kneels behind you, he slides your bra over your arms.  
His hands greedily search for your breasts and squeeze them, while his lips are back on your neck.  
Groaning, you lean forward. Atsumu kisses a path down your spine, his hand runs down to your hip and touches your pussy.   
You grasp the sheets with a groan.  
“Ah I see, you are fucking wet for me…”he murmurs and starts kissing his path up again. He stops next to your ear and rubs your clit in small circles. Moaning you lean against his shoulder.  
“I´ll follow all your rules, but I won´t use a condom…” his voice is so husky, that it´s hard to understand.  
You take his hand and put it on your breast again, while he is touching you, you kiss his chin and enjoy the feeling he gives you.  
“I´m taking the pill”  
Atsumus laugh shakes his chest. “I hoped you do, so I can finish in you….in that pussy, which feels so good…”  
While he is telling you that, he is searching for your entrance with his cock. With a groan, of complete satisfaction he enters your body.  
Moaning you lean forward on your knees and hands again. He strokes his hands over the sides of your body and places them on you hips. He starts moving slowly, and with every single thrust he   
pushes your sensitive walls apart. You close your eyes and enjoy every movement he does. His low moan fills the air and you relax under his touch. He kisses your spine again and his hands slide up to your breasts. “I missed those curves and your wet pussy….” Atsumu murmurs and his thrusts becomes stronger.  
A load moan escapes your throat and you lean against his shoulder again.  
You put your arm around his neck. “Kiss my breasts...” you gasp.

He fulfils your request and sucks on your nipple first, before you feel his teeth, which pulls on it.  
You moan his name, maybe a little to load and it just motivates him to do it a second time. He guides his hand between your legs and starts rubbing your clit again. You gasp for breath and move your hips in sync with his.  
His cock touches points in you, which weren´t touched for a long time.  
Your moans are getting loader without wanting it. The wet sounds of your dripping pussy fill the air. Atsumu rubs your clit stronger and he pushes your body closer to his chest.  
As the orgasm catches your body, he starts kissing your neck again and guides you through the waves. But he doesn´t leave you time to come down again.  
He let´s go of your body and grabs your hip again. His moves become harder and faster again.  
You hold on the sheets and try to control your moans.  
As Atsumus hips start to stutter he pulls you up again, he spills his sperm in your pussy and presses you against his chest as close as possible.

You two sit there for a while. He holds you in his arm and your hands hold on to it. Sweat runs down your body and you breath hard. You feel Atsumus breath against your sweaty neck. Slowly you come down from your height and you don't know what to say.  
Atsumu puts another kiss on your neck, sighs and falls next to you.  
"Why does that feel so much better with you?" he says and rubs his face.  
You look at him uncertainly. "Is that a question or a statement?" you ask.  
Atsumu grins. "Yes, I don't know ..."   
You lie down next to him.   
"We should have used a condom ..." as you say it, you ask yourself how many times you have said this to Atsumu.  
He sighs and looks at you. "I've always used condoms ..." You laugh out loud and he looks at you questioningly. "The hypochondriac in me didn't think so far ... I'll just have you everywhere in my panties"  
Atsumu laughs. "Yes, but it was worth it, if you make a mistake you should make it right ..."  
You look at him uncertainly. "I didn't think it was a mistake." you say with a sigh "It was the best thing I did in a long time, I was just a little loud."  
Atsumu laughs. "You were hot ... you are hot anyway ... it was really hard not to kiss you"  
".... I wish you had ..." you say and Atsumu goes silent.  
You notice that Atsumu doesn't know what to say. So you help him out and look for your bag.  
"Time for gifts" you say and put the box with the watch on his stomach.  
Atsumu laughs. "I thought I just had my gift ..."   
"... Please don't misinterpret it, when I bought this … we were still…a couple..."you stutter.  
Atsumu raises his eyebrow and turns on his bed light.  
Hectically you hide your breasts with the blanket. He watches you from the corner of his eyes.  
“You know, that I already saw you naked….” he laughs and opens the paper.  
You roll your eyes and shrug your shoulders. “I know… but I don’t know… it felt strange…” you laugh.  
Atsumu laughs and opens the box.  
He stares at the watch without saying a word and that silence makes you nervous.  
“…. Well if you don´t like it anymore, you can tell me, than I´ll get the money back and you could buy yourself another one….”  
Atsumu still looks at the watch. “You really recognized it, how much I wanted it….” He whispers.  
You look at him and nod. 

He looks at you wordlessly, his eyes are searching for yours and you hold his gaze.  
“Fuck off all rules” Atsumus says with husky voice, touches the back of your neck and pulls you into a kiss. You kiss each other for a long time and it´s the best thing you felt since you´ve splitt. Atsumu leans his forehead against yours.  
“Don´t misinterpret this either” he smiles.  
You shake your head. “I won´t”  
“The man who gets you is going to be a lucky bastard.”  
And there you go again.  
As soon as you are super close, he pushes you away again.  
“Would you mind if I stay here, for a while? It just so much happened the last 2 hours and I need to take a breath. But I´ll be gone, when you want to go to bed.  
Atsumu nods. “Of course, thank you for the present. The watch is great”  
He put on his closes again and leaves to the party.

You are still lying in the bed and your thoughts are running.  
“What was this?” you ask yourself. But you don´t really get an answer, and without wanting it you fell asleep.  
You wake up again as someone pulls on your blanket. You open your eyes and see Atsumu.  
“Oh sorry, I didn´t want to fall asleep…Wait a minute…I´m already leaving….” You mumble sleepy.  
You want to get up, but Atsumu stops you. “No don´t worry…. Go back to sleep…it´s okay…we´ve done this before…” he smiles.  
Thankfully you nod and turn around to go back to sleep.  
As you are almost sleeping again, you feel his arm around your waist. Without a word you slide a little closer to him.   
And you fell into the deepest sleep since month.

The next morning as you open your eyes you see in Atsumus face, who is already awake.  
“Are you staring at me, while I sleep?” you ask yawning.  
Atsumu has a serious look on his face. You just want to ask him if something is wrong, as his voice echoes through the silent.  
“Marry me…..”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks,
> 
> unfortunately I had to splitt that chapter. My head likes Atsumu/ Reader and has so much to say about them.  
> But I hope you´ll like it :)

You stare at him and rub your eyes.  
Atsumu smiles at you. “No you are not dreaming…”  
But you still look at him questionably. “What?” you whisper almost toneless.  
Atsumu smiles again and it seems almost relieved.  
“Listen… I know that sounds completely insane…but after we kissed …I was walking on fucking clouds… While I was on this party I just could think of you in my bed and I hoped so much, that you´ll be still there…and it felt so great to sleep next to you….and I hate myself because I wanted you out of my life, but as much as I tried to erase you…it´s impossible…I love you so much…I love you more than anything else in this world…. And I just want to be with you….  
But I need something safer than a normal relationship. I want you to have my name and you will be reminded, who you belong to every time you sigh for a package. I want you to wear my name on your jersey, because you are the person, who always cares about me, although I´m a fucking idiot .and I want you to be my wife forever, because I love you. So would you please marry me as fast as possible?” his voice sounds hectically.  
He rubs his hair with his hand. “Sorry, in my head it sounded better”  
You are speechless and you are still not sure, if you are awake or not.  
You look at him, his eyes are so warm and you are sure that he is not kidding.  
A deep sob shakes your chest and tears running down your cheeks.  
It has never been so easy in life for you to make a decision.  
“Yes” you nod. “I wanna marry you…” you sob and he kisses you passionately.  
You hug him, still in tears. “Oh my god- of course I wanna marry you…”  
Atsumu sighs relieved. “I was so nervous, although I knew you would say yes”  
You smile. “Was it so clear?”  
He smiles and kisses you. “I think so…”

You put your head on his chest. “ Sorry…I´m completely overwhelmed …”  
Atsumu nods and takes your hand. “I know… I always imagined it differently ... but I couldn't wait ... I thought about a solution all night ... and then I looked at you ... and realized how great it feels that you are here…with me ... and I´m not strong enough anymore to ignore it…I promise you I'll try to be a better boyfriend… and you need to promise me that you´ll never run away… "  
You wipe your eyes and shake your head. "Never again ... I had so much senseless sex with countless guys ... and nothing compares to the feeling when you touch me ..."  
Atsumu kisses your forehead. “ I know what you mean…I even went on dates and was so bored of most of them after the first hour…and this is kind of crazy, but it feels so right”

The atmosphere is so excited that you feel like you two get rid of as many emotions as possible in a short amount of time.  
You don´t really know what to say, that´s quiet much. When you fell asleep you were a suffering single and as soon as you woke up you are engaged.  
“So much has happened during the last 24 h” you murmur.  
“I know…I watched your interview a couple times…you were really good, but you seemed to be so tense…”  
You hum in agreement. “Yes, I just thought it would be an interview for a newspaper…I´ve never expected TV cameras… and I completely forgot to tell my parents…and my mother cried so much…I definitely need to talk to her again.”  
Atsumu nods. “We will visit them as soon as possible…”  
You look at him. “We?”  
He laughs quietly. “Yes, and it feels so great to say “we” again”  
Your heart beats to your throat, you are still not sure if you are dreaming or not.

“Do you have any plans for Wednesday?” Atsumu asks after a while.  
You shake your head slowly. “Not really, I have training in the morning and training in the evening…Why?” you giggle.  
He takes your hand and encloses it with his.  
“Well…I made a wedding appointment in the afternoon”  
You raise your eyebrow. “Have you been at the registry office, while I was sleeping?”  
Atsumu laughs and shakes his head. “Of course not, it´s possible to do it online…sorry I don´t wanna force you…I´m just afraid that something is going to happen again…and so I´m maybe a little impatient.”  
You laugh and shake your head. “No, it´s okay…it´s still just a little much…but yes, I´m free …what do I need?”  
Atsumu shows you a list of papers on his cell phone. You just pray that you´ll find them until Wednesday.

“I know you ´ve always wanted a big wedding with guests and a party…”Atsumu explains carefully.  
“…Yeah…and I´ve never wanted to be the cheating girlfriend, so maybe it´s the right way…and by the way, our story of getting to know each other .. is also not suitable for the huge public.”  
Atsumu laughs embarrassed and hugs you tighter. “Maybe it was one of the best decisions of my life to have sex with Mayu….because I met you….”  
You laugh quietly. “I know…I´m thankful you did…and I think in this situation I like that it´s going to be just you and me…we don´t need to tell it to anyone…god, I´ve the feeling I´m talking shit all the time….sorry I´m just overwhelmed…”

Atsumu grins at you and covers your body with his. He kisses a path down your body.  
“Maybe I should distract you a little…until this is not a one night stand anymore…I could eat you out, until you are shaking…” he grins against your skin.  
You can´t really response something, because he already shoves his tongue through your vagina.  
A slight moan escapes your throat and you try to relax.  
His tongue slights up to your clit and as he sucks on it lightly you raise your pelvis.  
But still - your thoughts are racing around the wedding question and that you are obviously Atsumus girlfriend again.  
No, not his girlfriend - you are his fiancée.  
How should the weeding be? Are you two really just going to the registry office and that’s it? Do you need a dress for it? God, you are going to marry Atsumu. You thought that you’ve lost him forever, and now you are allowed to marry him.  
You are such a lucky girl; you love this man so much an he finally wants to marry you in two days.  
While thinking of that, you start to cry. You try to enjoy what he is doing with you but you are not able to hide it anymore.

Atsumu stops kissing you down south and laughs quietly. “I know I haven´t done it for a long time, but I can´t be that bad that you need to cry.”  
He comes up to you and kisses the tip of your nose. “What´s wrong?”  
You sniff and wrap your arms around his neck. “ I don´t know…I´m so happy and confused…and I´m so happy that I got you back…and I don´t know anything about getting married or being a good wife…and I want to be perfect for you…and I don´t know…I´m feeling like a freak… I got everything I´ve ever wanted and I´m crying”  
Atsumu laughs and kisses you. “But you are my freak… and maybe it´s really a little much…”  
You hug him closely. “I don´t know what to wear on Wednesday”

He laughs and it´s an honest laugh. He hugs you tight and rolls next to you.  
“I love you” he whispers and kisses your cheek.  
He takes a look at his watch,then . “Ah, Osamu should already made breakfast...maybe we are going to eat first and then we are planning Wednesday…”  
You look at him desperately. “But I think you wanna have sex…”  
Atsumu needs to laugh again and you start to feel like an idiot. “Of course, I really wanna have sex with you…. but while I´m doing it, I prefer talking about how tight your pussy feels…and not about, if we need flowers on Wednesday or not…” Atsumu laughs.  
You look at him sceptically. “Do we need flowers?” 

"It's going to be 2 hard days, right?" Atsumu asks laughing.  
You nod. “Yeah I think so…I just hope you still sign the papers after it”  
Atsumu gets up and stretch. “Sure… We both realized that it wouldn't work without the other ... it was also my idea ... and you know how bad I am in admitting to myself that my decisions were bad.  
And I'm happier this morning, than I was all the other morning the last months ... and I want that for the rest of my life."  
You get up and kiss him smiling.

You look around for your clothes, Atsumu leans against the wall and smiles.  
“Your body really changed a little…” he comments.  
You turn around and realize that you are still naked. You are unsure what to say, you don´t really like the muscles on your shoulders and your back.  
Atsumu steps behind you and set a kiss between your shoulder blades.  
“I´ll get such a beautiful wife…” he whispers and you relax a little again.  
You turn around and let him kiss you.  
“I still can´t believe it…”

As you walk out of your room you watch in Mayus eyes which pierces you.  
“What are you doing here? I thought you went home without saying goodbye?” you hear the reproach in her voice.  
As Atsumu shows up behind you, her gaze changes and she point you both with her index finger.  
“No…You and You…. again?!...Osamu, do you have a minute?”  
Osamu comes out of his room and smiles.  
“I told you…” he says and a huge smile shows up on his face. “…. You owe me money now” Osamu says triumphally to Mayu.  
“…Money?” you repeat.  
Mayu looks at Atsumu. “Didn´t you tell me, that she hurted you so much, that you are not able to forgive her….and there won´t be a future?”  
Without wanting it, Mayu´´s words hurt you. Atsumu takes your hand and it calms you down.  
“Yeah that’s what I said…and it turns out, that I was wrong…that the fact that she is with me, counts more than my pride…”  
You look at Atsumu and he smiles at you.  
Osamu laughs. “That makes me really happy…and I bet on it…and now I´ll get money” he sings.  
Mayu´s face turns grumpy and she looks for money in her purse.  
You are not sure what to think about the situation, that your friends bet on your luck.  
“Relax…they don´t mean it badly…” Atsumu whispers and kisses your neck.

After breakfast you two decide to go to your Apartment, because you need to be alone.  
As you unlock the door you remember that this won´t be your home for long anymore.  
You sigh and take of you shoes.  
“I don´t know why, but it really pisses me of, that I need to search for a new apartment…”  
Atsumu looks at you a little confused and scratches the back of his head.  
“Well, I thought you would move in with me….” He says and it sounds a little unsurely.  
You look at him and nod. You agreed to marry him, so it should be like this.  
“Or don´t you want it? I don´t wanna force you…and I think we both don´t want this traditional marriage life, with getting children, building a house and doing everything together…but Osamus room will be free…we could make it to your room, with your own bed and your own space to live… and we decide every night, if we sleep together or on our own…” Atsumu explain while he takes place on the kitchen chair.  
You nod and agree. “I really like the idea…”

You take two cubs out of the cuboard and make some tea.  
“Do you really wanna marry me?” you ask and look at the steaming liquid.  
"I want it more than anything ... as I told you, I like the idea that you belong to me ... it would be important to me that you take my name" Atsumu explains.  
You nod. “I´m just afraid that you are going to regret it in a view month”  
“I rejected it every day, which I wasn´t a better boyfriend…that I lost you…after listing to your point of view it was more understandable for me. And after touching and kissing you yesterday…it was so clear…you are the love of my life…and I would be so proud to be your husband”

You smile,while listing to his words, but it still feels so unreal.  
“…and as I told you I don´t expect you to be a traditional wife. We are going to create our own rules and wait as soon as we are ready to do this traditional stuff.”  
Atsumu laughs and so you do.  
“This is all sooo crazy…but yes I really wanna do this..” you say resolutely .  
Atsumu looks at his cell phone ... "Well then, activate your printer"

After you have printed 20 pages and information material especially one unexpected thing is clear - you need two witnesses to sign your marriage.  
"That pisses me off again", you say annoyed and let your head sink on the table top.  
Atsumu makes a thoughtful noise. "Don't you think we can ask Osamu and Mayu ... I'm sure they will do it"  
You sigh. "Yes"  
Atsumu looks at you. "As a first rule for our marriage, we should set ourselves up telling the truth, so what's bothering you?"  
You nod and try to find the right words.  
“I´m sure Mayu would do that, but before she would tell me what a wrong decision it is… I don´t want someone to tell it wrong…”  
Atsumu nods. “Yeah I see the problem.”  
You raise your eyebrow. “Don´t you wanna tell me that I have to stand over it?”  
He laughs quietly. “Oh yes, you need to do it…but I don´t wanna tell you what to do… you are grown up and smart…”  
A smile shows up on you face…you notice what he's trying to do. He tries to work on hisself and no longer tell you what to do.  
You take his hand "We'll ask the two of them on Wednesday morning ... then they won't be able to discuss a lot ... and if they do say" no "I will ask someone on the street .."

Atsumu laughs. “Okay…  
Do we need to discuss other things, before filling in the notes here?"  
You think.  
"Do you still want children?" Atsumu interrupts your thoughts.  
You haven't thought much about it, since you started your professional career.  
".... I think so ... but after the Olympic Games"  
A big smile appears on Atsumu's face.  
"That sounds really great…”  
You nod. “I definitely wanna be part of the Olympic team…and I think I wanna be a mom under 30, too…so maybe it´s going to be the right time, directly after it…I could take a baby break then…and we´ll find someone nice, who takes care of the child, while I´m getting in shape again, so if it works out, I could be part of another Olympic team, too. And then we could have another one, if we like to have children…or do you think it won´t work to play Volleyball again with a child? Or don´t you think people, will think that I am a bad mother?” you mumble it more to yourself than to Atsumu.

He leans his chin on his hands and watches you amused. Your eyes meet and you mumble a “Sorry”.  
Atsumu comes to you and pulls you into a kiss. “That sounds like a perfect plan…And other moms have another work…so you shouldn’t care what other people think….I´ll build us a house, for our family…. I think I won´t be the best father, so I take care of the environment.”  
You sit on the table and hug him. “You are going to be the best father for our child…and I like the idea with the house…and when I´m talking about it, I still think that I´m dreaming…or that it´s just a prank…”  
Atsumu laughs indignantly. "A prank? ... Do you think I pay all the dues and in the end I say" Ah, I just wanted to hurt you .. and that's why I'm doing all this circus ... " 

You shrug your shoulders.  
“You are still Atsumu….and yesterday you told me that the man, who gets me is a lucky bastard and it didn´t sound like you wanted me back…” you explain.  
Atsumu sighs. "Your mistrust is sometimes a little tiring ... Why don't you just let me be the lucky bastard?" he says and kisses you.  
You put your hands on his cheeks and open your mouth. He presses his tongue gently against yours.  
“No one kisses like you…”you whisper and Atsumu grins and runs his thumb over your lower lip. “You´ve got the hottest lips, I´ve ever kissed…and I want to kiss them forever” he mumble before your lips meet again.

The air exhale through your nose and you guide his hands under your skirt.  
He greedy pulls your panties down.  
Atsumu pulls you to the edge of the table and spreads your legs. He gets on his knees and pushes your legs apart.  
"I think I should end something there .." His voice sounds almost harsh. before he starts to slide his tongue through your slit. With a shy moan you lean back.  
He guides your legs over his shoulders and pushes his tongue a little deeper in your pussy.  
With a deep moan you run your hands through his hair, you lift your skirt a little more and watch Atsumu between your legs.  
This view and the fact that his tongue plays with your clit, drives you crazy. You need to hold on something, so your grab the sides of the table.

Moaning you let him take your skirt out and place your feeds on the table.  
Atsumus lips are immediately on your clit again. You feel his tongue wanders down your slit and push it into your wet dripping hole.  
You raise your pelvis and feel how Atsumus hands tries to hold you in place.  
His tongue slides back to your clit and he puts two fingers to your entrance. As he shoves his fingers in you moan deeply and hold on the table. Its all to hot. You feel all the muscles in your body contract. Just another strong suck on clit and you come with a scream of his name.  
Hard breathing you lie on the table and feel how Atsumu still sets little kisses between your legs.  
“You are so fucking good in it” you breathe.  
Atsumu stands up smiling and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.  
You sit up with a grin.  
“Oh don´t do that, I wanna taste me on your lips” you say and shove your tongue lightly in his mouth.  
While you are kissing each other, you open his belt, slowly.  
You open your eyes and see in his, warm brown/golden eyes.  
“You are so beautiful; you are the greatest woman in the world and I´ll make you mine…”he whispers.  
You pull him closer to you and hug him. “I love you…and I´m so thankful…for that chance…”  
He kisses you passionately and holds you in his arm for a while.

Finally, he kisses your cheek. “Let me fuck you now, okay?”  
You laugh. “Sometimes you are so blatant, when it comes to communication …”  
Atsumu laughs load and kisses you. “So be curious what blatant things my cock is doing to you ...”  
You roll your eyes and spread your legs. Atsumu shoves down his pants and pulls you back to the edge of the table.  
He lines up his cock to your entrance and slides in, slowly.  
He kisses you again and you put your hands around his necks. Atsumu put his arms behind your back and presses your body closely against his.

Slowly he moves in you and presses your sensitive walls apart. You moan in his mouth and pulls on his lower lip with your teeth. “ I think I don´t want it that gentle…” you whisper.  
Atsumu smiles and you are not able to judge if it´s dirty or provocative.  
“Oh, yeah? How do you want it then?” he asks with a dirty tone in his voice.  
A hard-thrust hit a point in you which makes you moan loudly.  
As you calm down again you watch his eyes. You bite your lower lip and it motivates him to kiss you again.  
“I don´t mind if it hurts a little…” you say as provocative as he did.  
A dark laugh rumbles in his chest.  
“As you wish” he whispers and suddenly, Atsumu pulls on your bra, roughly.  
You are not sure if one of your bra straps tears, but you have no time to think about it, because his teeth pierce the skin around your nipples.  
Groaning, you lean back, so that you are able to lie on the table.  
Atsumu closes your legs before his chest and holds on to them. With hard thrusts he presses himself into your tight pussy.  
His thrusts get harder and more demanding and you can feel his balls slapping against your ass. Groaning, you bite your lower lip. Suddenly he opens your legs and set his hands on the table next to your chest.

"This view is so hot - you naked in front of me .. on the table ... my cock in your wet pussy ... so wet- just for me .... and the fact that you bite your lower lip, drives me crazy "groans Atsumu as he pushes deeper and deeper into you.

You greedily pull on the collar of his t-shirt. Without stopping to move inside you, he pulls his shirt over his head.  
You grin at him, breathing heavily. "Now I have a good view too"  
He grabs your wrists and pulls you up to him again.  
His tongue greedily searches for yours and you notice, how he slides his hands under your buttocks.  
You kiss a sloppy path up to his neck and suck on the skin there.  
Full of passion you bite in his neck lightly.  
With a deep moan, which is incredibly sexy, Atsumu lifts you up and you support yourself from the table.  
You loosely wrap your legs around his waist. His lips are already on yours again, and the air is full of the wet noises between your legs and the moans which escapes your throats.  
His cock hits those points in you, which makes you beg for more.  
His fingers clasp your buttocks more and more. You lean your head back and feel that everything inside you explodes. You are coming again - with a cry of his name. Atsumu kisses you and your teeth bump into each other.  
His teeth pull on your lower lip and with three hard bumps and a dark moan, he spills in you.  
He rudely puts you on the table top again and holds on to you. "Fuck, that was good ... my legs are shaking..." he breathes  
You wrap your legs tighter around his waist and hug him. Breathing heavily, you kiss his shoulder.

As he comes down from his high, he falls onto a chair.  
You sit on the table and watch him. He has closed his eyes and completely out of breath.  
His sweaty hair falls into his face and you can see that a red spot forms on his neck.  
This sight is incredibly sexy.  
When you run your tongue over your lower lip you taste blood.  
Atsumu laughs softly. "Sorry, it's bleeding."  
You shake your head and stroke a sticky strand of hair from your face.  
"Before you apologize, look at your neck ..."  
He runs over the spot with the hickey. "I teased Bokuto with his hickey just last week." whines Atsumu and you can´t help but grin, "Sorry you made me do it .."

He laughs and looks at you. "It is right what we are going to do ..."  
You nod "Yes it feels like this ..."  
You slide off the table and realize that all the papers are stuck to your butt. "I think we have to reprint it, it's full of our juices," you say and look over the paper.  
Atsumu laughs out loud and watches you.  
"Well they are very personal now ..."  
You roll your eyes and grin.

Atsumu's eyes fall on the paper and his laughter disappears.  
"Is that also blood, that sticks there?"  
You look at the paper and see the light red trail.  
You nod and start getting dressed again. "Seems so..."  
Atsumu looks at you thoughtfully and then back to the red spot. "Did I hurt you?"  
You look at Atsumu questioningly and smile. "A little bit, but I asked for it .."  
In his look you can see that he is still not convinced. With a sigh you sit on his bare lap and kiss him. "Aww .. don't think about it ... that happened before you just didn´t recognize it ... I don't have a ranking, but if I had one, this would be one of the best sex we´ve ever had ... you were amazing…hey I came twice!"  
Atsumu smiles again. “If you say so…and yes…that was really…good…”  
“Good” you repeat und snort.  
He laughs and kisses you again. “We should do the paper stuff again, before Mayu comes home…”  
You look at him amused. “Oh she won´t be happy to see your bare ass at her chair…”  
Atsumu shrugs his shoulders. “It was her choice to live here with Osamu…”  
You kiss him lightly again. “And I´m living with you…and I’m looking forward for it…”

When you fill in all the papers again, the whole thing becomes more real. You watch Atsumu concentrate on reading one paragraph over and over again.  
"Why, authorities don't write things in such a way that normal people understand it straight away ..." he murmurs.  
You kiss his cheek. "Because you look incredibly hot, while you are thinking of this .."  
Atsumu laughs.  
"Yes, I actually thought about something ... are you be able to cancel your training on Wednesday ... then you would be allowed to spend the day with your new husband" he tells it to you like you winning a price.

Anyway, you need to giggle, it's all so grown up.  
"And what is my new husband planning?" you ask and lean forward to him.  
He grins provocatively at you. "Make love" he says and kisses you.  
"Please, don't call it like that ..." you say and raise your nose in disgust.  
Atsumu brings his lips to your ear. "I´m going to fuck you so hard, that you won´t be able to think clearly anymore ... better?"  
As he says that he strokes up your thigh with his hand. 

You draw in the air sharply. "We're just finished filling out this shit, we can't smear it with anything again ... besides, we'll do it for the rest of our lives ..." you say against his lips.  
He hums and pulls you onto his lap. "And I never thought I'd say that, but I love the thought ... having sex with you even when we're old and wrinkled ..."  
You get up and look at Atsumu.  
"But I'm going to take a shower now ... maybe you're interested in looking at my bare ass as long as it's not wrinkled." You say with a wink.  
Atsumu follows you wordlessly.

Wednesday, you wake up for the first time at 2 a.m. You go to the toilet and look at yourself in the mirror. You have a very bad feeling in your stomach. Anyway, you wash your hands and go back to bed.  
At least you turn from side to side every 5 minutes, so you decide to stare at your cell phone. Atsumu breathes quietly next to you.

Nothing really happens but at some points, tears run down your face and you don't even know why.  
"Are you crying?"Atsumu asks sleepily.  
“No…I don´t know….” You sob.  
Atsumu turns on the bed light. “Hey, what’s wrong? Do you have doubts?”  
You sit up and shake your head crying. “No, there is just a feeling…I don´t know… what if I´ll screw it up again?.....Look at me ... I am an absolute disaster ... I have complexes everywhere and it has shown, that I am like a baby without you, I don't get shit on my own ... you had a lot more beautiful girls at your side and I feel so small. I think I need you more than you need me and I'm afraid that I'll be a lump on the leg. Or I just cheat on you again, because of selfish reasons…. It´s just I love you so much…I love more than myself in so many ways…and I can´t live without you anymore… and what if I´ll screw it up?” you are shaking by a crying spell.

“Stop it…”Atsumu looks at you seriously.  
“Do you really think it was so easy for me? The day we broke up , I slept on the other side of this door. The thought of being without you killed me. But when I looked at you the morning after, I was so angry. That another man was allowed to kiss and touch you, that made me crazy.  
I was never jealous, but in that moment – I was.  
Then I started sleeping with the whole world. One night I even had two women in my bed. All beautiful. But should I tell you something? None of this satisfied me. When Osamu told me that you joined the team, I was really happy. Seeing you play felt incredible. I couldn't stop talking about you the whole day. When you got that price. You looked so beautiful… and to hold you in my arms, to talk to you again, to smell you ... I was so happy and couldn't sleep because of anger that I didn't kiss you ... instead I told you, that I wanted to have sex with another one…finally on my birthday, when we run into each other in the kitchen…I just wanted to be with you again. I thought, if he had a little sex than I´m able to go on, because my pride was still hurt. But when I saw this watch, we talked about 2 sec…in a shop far away from home…and you bought it for me…I realized that I love you more…that I need to forgive you, because…I love you more than my pride…I love you more than the opportunity to have sex with the whole world, Yes, I love you even more than myself…and that’s why I want to be your husband. Because I won´t be able to run away so fast, because I need to take care of you. And if you have doubts, because you want a huge wedding with your parents and your sister…I would wait….but you need to tell it to me…” Atsumu sighs deep and takes your hand.  
You are speechless, you´ve never got such a declaration of love. 

Atsumu wipes your tears. And you hold his hand and nod.  
Then he continues. "Maybe I haven't done it right yet….and maybe you need a real proposal ” He crawls over you and kneels in front of you before the bed and takes your hand.  
Atsumu says your name in a warm tone.  
“Love of my life, the smartest and most beautiful woman I know…. I know I`m a dictator, a foolish Idiot… but I am completely in love with you… and it´s real love, love I´ve never felt before …so would you honor me and marry me?” his voice brickle.  
You slip out of bed and kneel in front of Atsumu.  
"Yes … I really wanna be your wife" you sigh and kiss him.  
Atsumu wipes his eyes and hugs you. "That I'm doing such romantic nonsense for a woman ..." You laugh and drive through his hair. "That I like such romantic nonsense "you agree.  
Atsumu laughs and kisses you deeply and intimately.  
"I love you ... and I want to marry you tomorrow" you whisper.  
He kisses you again. "That makes me the happiest man in the world."

After you really "made love", you fall asleep peacefully.  
But in the end, you are awake long before the alarm clock rings.  
You turn nervously back and forth.  
“Are you awake?” you ask quietly.  
A humming sound comes from Atsumu.  
You turn to him. His blonde hair falls over his eyes and it looks so attractive.  
You grin and start kissing his neck.  
He hums again.  
“I can't go there with hickeys ... "Atsumu murmurs with a grin.  
It just motivates you to kiss him over and over and pull lightly on his skin.  
Suddenly he hugs you and pulls you onto his body. He guides the blanket of your shoulders.  
“You should be more naked…” he murmurs still almost asleep.  
You roll your eyes and drum with your hands on his chest. “I´m nervous…you need to distract me”  
Atsumu grins and runs the back of his hand over your breasts.  
"If you tell me how ..."

You grin and lean down to him.  
"I have to use energy, let me be on top"  
With a grin Atsumu guides you down to his cock.

Still hard breathing you tie your hair together and walk around the room nervously.  
“Aren´t you nervous?” you ask Atsumu, who watches the scene amused.  
“I just had an orgasm and I´m watching you running around, while I´m still dripping down your tights….so I think I had a good morning”  
You roll your eyes.  
“I´m not nervous, because of getting married…seriously I don´t know what´s going on with me…” Atsumu still looks at you and it seems like he is really trying to understand you. Finally he laughs and stretches. “My little weirdo… but now…let´s go and make some people speechless”


	16. Chapter 16

You are looking in two shocked faces.   
Unsure you take Astumus' hand and he squeezes it lightly. “Well… I think it´s still our decision” Atsumu explains with calm voice.  
“And you are serious you wanna do this? After 48h of happiness?” Mayu ask and her voice sounds so tense.  
You didn't expect a wave of enthusiasm, but you didn't expect that much headwind either.  
“Mayu… you saw me without him… and I don´t wanna feel like this anymore…I need him and he needs me….so we are sure that we wanna do this…and I´m sorry to tell you…but you can choose between signing these paper and be my witness or I´ll ask someone on the street….”  
Mayu sighs and leaves to her room. You look after her speechless. Osamu is reading the paper and signs. “Granny is going to be very sad….” he murmurs.  
Atsumu pads his shoulder. “She is going to survive it…and you are finally her favourite grandchild…”  
While the twins are arguing, who is the more loved one, Mayu comes back with a lot of things in her hand.  
She puts a box with blue pumps on the table. You look at her questionably,   
“You need something blue, something borrowed, something new and something old…What do you want to wear?”  
You change a view with Atsumu.   
“Jeans?” you say and Mayus face turns white.  
"You can't get married in jeans ..." she says outraged.  
"Mayu ... we go to the registry office and sign. There are no guests and no celebration. And we talked about it and agreed that jeans are enough ..."   
You haven't quite finished the sentence as Mayu pulls you into your room.  
"Make sure your brother isn't wearing jeans ..." she calls out to Osamu.

After Mayu finished her work, you have to admit that you look good.  
She talks non-stop and fiddles on you excitedly.  
She put you in a white dress, which actually belongs to her.  
"It's not a wedding dress, but at least not jeans ..." she says and leads you out of the room.  
You laugh uncertainly at her and she leads you back to Atsumu.  
"Tadaa ... your bride ..." she pushes you towards Atsumu.  
He smiles at you just as uncertainly and kisses you on the cheek. "You look great."  
You nod and watch from the corner of your eye that Mayu signs the papers.   
When she's done, Atsumu stows the papers and takes you by the hand.  
"Ready?" he asks.  
"More than ready...”you agree.  
As you walk on the street you both breathes out.   
“That was more exhausting, than I expected” Atsumu says and leans his head against your shoulder.  
You turn to him and hug him.   
"I think the only piece of clothing that belongs to me is my bra ..." you sigh.  
Atsumu laughs. "Just the bra?"   
You nod "I wear tiny little panties ... I don't have anything like that ... But since Mayu only had a white summer dress ... you could see everything ... and now I'm wearing uncomfortable panties that buries itself between my buttocks. .. "  
Atsumu laughs load and you hit his shoulder.  
He closes his arms behind your back. "I'm wearing my brother's pants ..."  
You nod "In the end I don´t care what I´m wearing, the main thing is that they sign these papers ..."  
Atsumu sighs. "Yes ... that's how I felt too ..."

Hand in hand you slowly walk to the subway station.  
The October air is cold and it looks like rain.  
"The shoes are so uncomfortable" you say at some point.  
Atsumu looks at you.  
"That's right, you are incredibly tall like this ... but you are used to wear shoes with heels ..."  
You nod and show him your heel.  
"Yes, but never with such thin heels ..."  
"If it doesn't work anymore, I'll carry you." says Atsumu and you take a look at his shoes.  
"Sneakers? They allowed you sneakers?" you ask indignantly.   
Atsumu laughs. "I didn't even ask ..."

He puts his arm around your shoulder and you go on slowly.  
You take his hand and put your arm around his waist. "Are you already nervous?" you ask.  
"Because of the signing? No ... Because of the tiny panties? Definitely ..."   
You laugh and pull Atsumu into the next alley between the houses.  
He looks at you confused…laughing you shove his hand under the skirt of your dress.  
“See…. there is nothing….” you explain.  
“Oh, you are such a naughty girl…” he whispers, while squeezing your buttock.  
You lay your arm around his neck “You made me like this”   
He kisses you and his fingers touches the soft skin of your vagina. “Oh really? I did a really good work -than” he whispers.  
You grin and kiss him. “But we have no time for it…. we have wedding appointment”   
He breathes through his nose and guide your hand to his crotch.  
“It is such a shame…but keep looking forward for tonight…” he whispers and let you feel his erection.  
"You promise me fun" you say, kiss him lightly and want to go out of the alley.  
But Atsumu holds you by the wrist.   
You look at him uncertainly.  
"I love you" he says softly and pulls you back to him.   
You kiss him again and hug him.  
"Forever" you answer him. 

At the registry office it's rather calm.  
You two sit in front of the room and Atsumu holds your hand ... when a little woman calls out your names, you go into a small room.  
"Now I'm a little nervous," Atsumu whispers and you take his hand again.   
"I'll be careful .." you say with a wink and he laughs. 

All in all, it's pretty much the most romantic wedding you've ever been to.  
The woman checks the documents and puts a stamp on them.  
"You two chose" Miya "as your family name?" she asks  
"Yes" you say louder than you wanted and Atsumu squeezes your hand.   
She reads the documents again and pauses. "You are not living together?"  
You flinch slightly and Atsumu clears his throat. "We are planning to move together as soon as possible, we decided spontaneously to get married."  
She nods as if she doesn't care and signs.  
She hands you the document and you read it through.  
It is strange to see your firstname with "Miya" behind it and even more strange feels it, when you sign with it.   
"I'm still practicing," you say, a little embarrassed. The woman nods blankly and pushes the document to Atsumu.   
You watch him and your heart beats faster. He smiles when he sees your name. Finally he signs the document and the woman stamps it again.  
"Congratulations, you are married. Please have your official papers changed as soon as possible."   
She says and forces a smile.   
You nod wordlessly, take the papers and leave the room.  
You don’t know what to say… . and Atsumu seems to feel the same.   
He runs uncertainly through his hair.   
Then he looks at you and smiles almost embarrassed.   
"Um ... Should we change my papers right away while we're here ...?" you ask quietly.  
Atsumu bites his lips and nods.

You are definitely the best dressed people at the counters where you can change your driver's license, ID card and passport. After what felt like 3 hours you are finally back in the fresh air.

Without a word, you walk side by side along the crowded sidewalk. At some point Atsumu clears his throat. "That was the most unromantic wedding ever"   
You nod "Yes ... I agree ..."   
You would have liked to have said "You wanted it that way ..." but you decide that you are actually too happy to have a discussion.

"I'm so sorry ... I feel like it should have been more ..." Atsumu starts talking without stopping.  
Again and again he apologizes that it should have been more.   
Laughing, you grab his wrist and he looks at you.  
"Are you happy?" you ask smiling.   
Atsumu nods. "Yes, I think I am as happy as I usually am, just while I´m playing volleyball ..."   
You laugh and hug him and he holds you tight. "Me too - I'm your wife now ... and that' feels so incredible" you explain and euphorically hug him again and again.  
"I know! I can't describe it at all ... I just looked at your signature and was happy ..." he joins your euphoria.  
You nod. "I know, I know I was so excited to fuck up the signature"  
He grabs your hands excitedly. "Your signature is wonderful ... you are wonderful .. my wonderful wife ..."  
Laughing out loud, you throw your arms around his neck again. Atsumu lifts you up and turns in circles with you. It tickles your stomach even more and you have to laugh. You put your legs around his waist and hold on to his neck.  
“What are you doing with me?” you whisper laughing.  
“Loving you….” Atsumu answers…you look in his beautiful, warm eyes and just kiss him.  
You kiss him so deeply, that you feel dizzy. You hold onto his hip with your legs.   
"I promise you ... we'll celebrate our wedding again ... with my family and yours ... and our friends ... you deserve it ..." he whispers against your lips. You gently slide your tongue against his.   
"I love you so much ..." you whisper.  
You close your eyes to kiss him again when a throat clearing interrupts you. Slowly you turn your head to the side and you become aware of where you are. The faces of countless people are turned towards you.

Atsumu drops you a little rudely on your feet again. He mumbles an apology and you need to grin. "Sorry, we just got married and are still a bit overwhelmed how we should deal with happiness ..."  
Laughing, you pull Atsumu after you.   
You keep going and Atsumu catches up with you. He puts his arm around your shoulder and kisses your temple. "My wife ..." he repeats.  
You put your arm around his waist and move on.  
"Where do you want to go?" asks Atsumu.  
You turn to him. "To my club's office, before it closes .."  
Atsumu stops.  
"I actually wanted to go somewhere else ..."  
You shake your head slightly.  
"But we have to go there first ... there are not open the whole day"  
“But…we need to buy you a ring…I´m not such a horrible husband…. were the wife hasn´t a ring…so I think my way is more important…”  
“You know I don´t need a ring….there is something more important…”  
He looks at you questioningly.  
"I need my new name on my jersey, before the season starts" you explain.  
Atsumu kisses you wordlessly.

Slowly you walk down the stairs. The woman in your club office was really very nice and hugged you happily.   
Atsumu sits on a bench and looks at his cell phone. You let yourself fall down next to him with a groan. "My feet are killing me ..." You take off your shoes and knead your feet.  
You lean your head on his shoulder and pull your legs onto the bench.   
"What are you doing?" you ask and take a look at his cell phone screen.   
"I'm looking at the teams for the next season ... we'll start again in 2 weeks ..."   
You nod and tap on his cell phone. You call up the website of your club. "Take a look at our team line-up ..."  
Atsumu reads the names on the page and stops. Then he laughs softly.   
"They have already changed it ..." he says just as softly.   
You kiss him on the cheek. "Now I'm a" Miya "in all official places ... well except social media, but I'll do that later ..."  
Atsumu opens his camera and takes a picture of you. You look at the photo skeptically.   
"Why do you always look so good?" you mumble  
He laughs out loud. "I'm just photogenic ..."  
Then he looks at you. "But I got a beautiful wife," he whispers and kisses you.

You return his kiss and lean your head against his forehead. He grins broadly. "And now I will tell the whole world that you are mine ..."   
You pull your eyebrows together questioningly.   
"Instagram" says Atsumu curtly.   
"No please don't .. our parents don't know yet ... and I would like to tell them, before they find out about it on the Internet .... Maybe it is not so smart that it is already on the page either" you say you doubting.   
Atsumu kisses you. "It would be a very big coincidence, if they check your team line-up today ... then you should call them tonight ... and after we have" made love "... I'll show the world who screamed my name tonight ... "  
You roll your eyes and put on the shoes again.  
“Are we going to buy you your ring now?” asks Atsumu while he puts his cell phone in his poket.  
You nod with a shy smile.

It turns out that you are not able to work straight anymore. These shoes are killing you.  
“I´m sorry I knew I´m not able to walk on these shoes for long, I should have take another pair with me…”  
Atsumu smiles and stops. “Crawl on my back”   
You scratch the back of your head.  
“Well Atsumu, remember my really tiny panties and everyone is going to see my almost bare ass…but I know what to do “ you explain and take of you shoes.  
“Honey, it´s October…you are going to be sick…”  
You shrug your shoulders. “I´ve a husband now, who is going to take care of me and my needs” you say with a wink.  
Atsumu sighs. “But the season….”  
You put you finger on his lips. “If I´d loose my feed I couldn´t play either”

Instead of going to a jewelry store, your next stop is a shoe store.  
Atsumu waits patiently, until you have found a pair of shoes in which you are able to walk.   
When you paid, Atsumu looks at you a little unhappy. "What's the matter?"   
"Somehow I imagined the day to be different ..." he says.  
You smile at him. “Well until two days I´ve imagined my wedding day completely different. But it turns out, that as long as you are by my side it is the best day for me… and I am more than happy and now you are going to buy me a ring… and you let me choose which one…and that´s perfect…”  
Atsumu seems relieved that you see it that way. 

And he is just as relieved, when you finally stand in front of a jeweler.  
"You know that I don't care about the ring, yeah?" you ask him as you stand hand in hand in front of the shop window.  
Atsumu squeezes your hand. "I know ... but it's important to me to buy you one ..." explains Atsumu.  
"Yes, I thought so ... this one is beautiful" you say and point to one.  
"The one with the black stone, right?" asks Atsumu and you nod.  
"Yes, it suits you .." Atsumu agrees.  
You go into the store and it turns out that the black stone is a diamond and incredibly expensive.

You look at your hand and you feel uncomfortable with the thought to accept a present like this.  
"But I wanted to try on the other ring .."  
"Which other ring?" asks Atsumu, surprised.   
“Which I liked too….” You point to a ring with a green stone that costs half the price.   
"When are you getting married?" asks the woman as she takes the ring out.  
"We got married today," you explain and look at the ring on your hand.  
"Really? We need champagne then" she says euphorically and less than 3 minutes later Atsumu and you have a glass of champagne in your hands.  
The entire staff of the store is toast with you. It's like a little champagne reception.  
You look at the green ring and nod. "Yes, it's nice ..."

Atsumu looks at you from the side.  
"Really?" he asks and you are able to hear his doubts.  
You nod wordlessly.  
The woman is explaining to you that it is an emerald when Atsumu interrupts her.  
"If I had come here alone, I would have bought you the black diamond ..."  
You look at him wordlessly.  
"Why didn't you come here alone, then?" you ask and it almost sounds reproachful.  
"Because I don't want to make so many decisions for you anymore. And the way I see it, you wanted this black diamond until you saw the price. And I'll tell you one thing now. We don't have a big wedding party, I'm thrifty and I have a credit card. And if I were here alone, I would probably buy you the ring because it suits you best. So please let me give it to you ... "   
You kiss him wordlessly and thus increase the value of your hand many times over.

While the ring is being adjusted to your finger, you go out to eat something. You love every moment of this day that is actually boring, but it is with Atsumu who loves you and who is yours ... forever. While you're buying ice cream for both of you, he walks back to the jeweler and gets the ring.  
You wait for Atsumu on a bench at the port.  
You look out to sea where the sun is slowly going down.

At some point your new husband appears next to you and falls on the bench.  
"I thought I had to eat the ice cream alone" you say, played annoyed.   
Atsumu kisses the tip of your nose and then tenderly on the lips. "Never" he whispers and reaches for his sundae. 

You eat ice cream in silence and look out over the sea.   
"As soon as the season is over, do we want to get married again with a party?" asks Atsumu thoughtfully.   
You can't help laughing. "You seem so dissatisfied ..." you realize.   
Atsumu makes an indefinable noise.   
"I don't know ... I'm afraid that something is missing ... don't get it wrong ... you are beautiful and I am so happy that you are my wife ... but you deserve everyone to look at you and we celebrate and dance and everything that I actually didn't want ... "  
You laugh out loud, so much that tears well up in your eyes.   
"You're so sweet" You put your empty sundae aside and stretch. "I'm happy ... the day was perfect ... I was a little surprised, when the woman said that our family name is now" Miya “   
Our family name. We are family now. You are my family now and the thought makes me very happy. But you are right… it would have been nice if my family had been there. "  
Even so, you laugh and lean back happily.   
When you open your eyes again you look at the ring that shines brightly in the sunlight.  
"I had our initials engraved ..." he says softly.   
"I think I was never worth so much" you say with a smile as Atsumu puts your ring on your finger.  
Atsumu kisses you laughing. "You are more valuable than anything ... to me"  
You stroke his cheek.  
"Are we going home and you take off my panties?" you whisper.  
Atsumu laughs and raises his eyebrow.  
"I'll do things with you that will drive you crazy," he whispers and your noses touch.

As you unlock the front door and want to enter, Atsumu stops you.  
He lifts you in his arms. "I have to carry you over the doorstep ..." he says with a laugh and you put your arms around his neck. Kissing, he carries you into the apartment.

"Surprise!"   
You cling even tighter to Atsumu's neck in shock.  
You look in shock on the faces of your friends.  
"What are you doing here?" you ask with big eyes, while Atsumu sets you down on the floor again.  
Mayu comes up to you and hugs you.   
"You don't expect that we can end this day without celebrating" she shouts exited.  
You hug her. “Thank you so much – for everything”  
As expected, Mayu pulls your hand and examines the ring.  
"Amazing! Osamu look at this beautiful ring"

It's well past midnight when you collapse on your bed.  
Atsumu looks at you.  
"Tired?"  
You yawn "No. Just exhausted .."  
He unbuttons his shirt. "Are we postponing the wedding night?"   
You grin and shake your head. "Of course not, I just want to take a quick look at my cell phone and write to my mother that I'll call her tomorrow ..." you explain and speak in a darker voice. "And then I want to suck your cock ..."  
Atsumu grins. "Do it while you're sitting on my face"

You raise your eyebrows and grin as Atsumu takes off your pants.  
"I have such a hot husband."  
Atsumu grins and kisses your neck.

You look at your phone and make a pensive noise.  
"Mhh my father called me 8 times and my sister even called 11 times ..." the same uncomfortable feeling that you had this morning swells in your chest again.  
Then you open your messages.

Your sister:

"Call me as soon as you read this - no matter when"

You get up from bed in a panic and dial the number. Your sister's voice doesn't sound tired, so she  
must to be still awake.  
Like in a dust you listen to her what she has to say.  
"I'll be home as soon as possible"  
You hang up and let the phone sink.  
Atsumu looks at you expectantly.  
You look into his eyes and say flatly.  
"My mother is dead"  
Atsumu stares at you in silence and slightly shakes his head in disbelief.  
"What?"


	17. Chapter 17

Groaning loudly, you hold Atsumu's head in place and let the waves of the orgasm affect you.   
Hard breathing you enjoy your afterglow.  
“Could you do it again?” you ask and open your eyes.  
Atsumu comes up to you and hugs you. “Again? I made you orgasm almost the whole night”  
You sigh.   
"That makes the whole thing bearable" you say coolly and loosen up on his embrace.  
Atsumu looks at you and seems to be thinking.  
Then he says your name in a warm tone.  
"We have to leave slowly to your hometown ..." he says carefully.  
You nod "Exactly, so that I can look at my dead mother again in the coffin, before she decays too much .."  
In his face you can see that Atsumu doesn't like the way you talk about it.  
But since it is the truth, he does not contradict. You sit on your chair and put your hands on your face. Again those tears run down your face.  
Atsumu kneels in front of you. "I'll take a look at your dead mother with you. But we really have to go now, otherwise it will be too late." he says again emphatically.   
"You saw my mother once, you don't have to come with me ..." you say snippily.   
Atsumu looks at you. "I married her daughter and I won't leave you alone ..."  
You get up and hug Atsumu without a word. The world is so crazy. "It all doesn't feel real."  
"I know" confirms Atsumu and kisses the top of your head.

You go to your closet.  
"I need a shitty black dress or something" you say and rummage through your things.  
"Pack your things in peace, meanwhile I'll take a shower." says Atsumu and leaves your room.

As you pack your things, this incredible anger comes up again. You pull your suitcase out from un-der your bed and stuff all black clothes in it. You try to close the suitcase, but there are to much closes in it, that you need to push protruding material inside. A sharp pain runs through your finger but you keep pressing. It doesn´t work.  
You lie screaming and crying on the suitcase, when the door opens and Atsumu comes up to you wet and naked.  
He kneels next to you and caress your hair.   
“What´s happening ?” he asks with soft voice.  
"I can't get the suitcase closed" you cry desperately.   
You pull out your hand and Atsumu sees your bleeding finger.   
Without hesitation he puts your finger in his mouth and sucks on it.   
"You tore your fingernail," says Atsumu.  
"Come take a shower with me ..." he continues and leads you into the bathroom.  
He washes you and your hair and takes care of your finger.  
You sit dripping on the chair in the bathroom and wait until Atsumu has dried you off.

"You see ... after a shower the world often feels better," Atsumu tries to sound happy.  
"I don't want to go there ..." you mumble.  
Atsumu looks at you and starts drying his hair.  
"I know ... and I'd love to tell you that I'll be staying home with you, but you'd regret it ..."  
Without a word you get up and leave the bathroom.

You meet Osamu in the kitchen.  
He looks at you and points to the suitcase "I brought Atsumu's things ... and foord for you and your family ..." he explains and points to the rest of the things.  
You nod "Thank you, that's very kind of you .... Thanks also on behalf of my parents ... I mean fa-ther ..."  
Osamu nods and you see that pitying look in his eyes.

You smile and go to your room. Atsumu rented a car because your hometown is on the landscape. You sit in the passenger seat and stare out the window. A mix of billboards and buildings passes your eyes. There is music on the radio, and at some point, you fall asleep.  
As you wake up again you are driving through a forest. It´s getting dark outside.  
“Slept well?” Atsumu asks.  
You nod and rub your eyes. “For how long have I slept?”  
“More or less 2 h…” Atsumus says.  
“I´m sorry….” You say but he shakes his head.  
“You haven´t slept much the last 3 days….I´m thankful you was able to catch some sleep”  
You look at him from the side, he also got dark shadows around his eyes.  
Since the massage of your mother’s death, Atsumu was there with you around the clock.  
He cancelled his training, informed your club. Organized a car, made sure that you ate something and had a lot of sex with you.  
Sex makes you feel better. It makes you forget the lump in your throat. And you already feel it again ... 

"Can we stop for a moment?" you ask Atsumu and he nods.  
He drives into a small forest path. You go between the trees and pee.   
Atsumu eats a rice ball and smiles when you come back.   
He's holding the ball out to you. "No discussion" he says and you bite into it. "Good girl."  
You hug him while chewing and press your head to his chest. It's so good that he's there. You can't tell him right now, but without him you wouldn't know what to do.  
Atsumu rocks you back and forth lightly. Then he kisses your head.  
You look up at him and want to kiss him.  
"First one more bite," he says with a laugh.  
Even you have to smile and take another bite.  
Then Atsumu bends down and kisses you.  
His lips are so soft and you feel so loved. But it is not just love you need now.

Slowly your tongue plays with his.  
You pull him down to you and put your hand on his neck. You automatically pull your tshirt over your head. The October air is cold and you can feel how your nipples contract from the cold.  
"What you are doing?" asks Atsumu quietly.   
Your eyes fix his, without averting your eyes you take off your panties and sit on the bonnet.  
"Touch me" you whisper and spread your legs.

Atsumu's eyes study you sharply.  
For a moment he seems unsure of what to do.  
Finally he steps in front of you and kisses you passionately. His hands wander up the sides of your body. When he touches your nipples, you draw in your breath sharply.  
His lips kiss your neck and slowly he slips his hand under your skirt.   
You shake your head slightly and open his pants.   
You free his cock and rub it until it's hard. "I want you to fuck me ..." you say, Atsumu's pensive expression unsettled. But finally, he nods and spreads your legs and pulls you forward a little.  
You hold on to his neck and moan with relief when he finally pushes in.  
Atsumu's hands digging into the inside of your thighs. His blonde hair falls over his forehead as he slowly begins to move inside you.  
You give him a little time to develop a rhythm. But it all takes too long.  
"More" you whisper. Atsumu groans and increases his pace.  
You lie back and close your eyes.  
All in all, it's nice. You moan a little to motivate him to take you even more.  
But it is not enough.  
Almost annoyed, you sit up again and brush the hair off his forehead.  
"Do you like fucking my wet pussy? It´s all wet because of you… Does it feel good?" you ask in a provocative voice. Atsumu nods slightly and gasps for breath audibly.  
"Yeah, I like that too ... but I think you should fuck me a little more ... a little harder .... I'm sitting here on a bonnet in a forest and have your cock in me ... nobody was allowed to fuck me like this before ... nobody fucks me as well as you ... that's why you should do it right ... deep and hard ... make me beg ... " You keep interrupting your speech and kissing him provocatively.  
Without a word, Atsumu presses you on the back and tears your legs apart. He pushes his cock deeper into you and there is the feeling which you have been waiting for.  
Pain.  
You groan full of excitement. Atsumus puts your legs over his shoulders, your moans and the wet noises fill the air.   
You slide your bra up, so Atsumu is able to see your tits. His eyes roam over your body and he bites his lower lip and lets your legs slide off his shoulders.

His hands stop at the back of your knees and his lips encloses your nipples. He pushes your legs back even further and it starts to hurt your hips.   
His pace gets faster and his moans harder.  
With your hands, you are looking for something to hold onto.  
You tighten the muscles in your body and wait for the waves of your orgasm. But Atsumu's breath becomes faster and with the groan of your name, you notice how his sperm flows into you with hard thrusts.

His head rests on your chest, where a mix of disappointment and the lump is spreading.  
Atsumu pulls out of you and helps you sit down.   
He kisses you tenderly. "I love you ..." he says softly.  
You hum in agreement and hug him. "I didn't come ..." you tell him.  
Atsumu strokes your back and you hear his jaw grinding.  
"I'm sorry"  
You nod and get up. You pull up your panties and sit behind the wheel. "You can rest now ... I'll drive the rest of the way ..."   
Atsumu sits down in the passenger seat without a word and sighs. You know he'd like to say some-thing and prepare yourself to find evasive answers.  
But he doesn't say anything.  
You look at him briefly from the side. You know you're not fair right now, he wipes his sweaty hair and rubs his face.  
"Hey ..." you say.   
Atsumu looks at you, you lean over and kiss him tenderly.  
You can't give him more at the moment.

You want to start the car, when your gaze falls on your ring.  
You sigh and pull it off your finger and put it in your pocket.  
Atsumu is watching the situation and you can see a certain vulnerability in his face.  
"They don't know ... and I don't think it's a good sign if they find out that I was playing bride when my mother was dying and asking about me." you say soberly.  
Atsumu nods and avoids your gaze.  
"Ah okay, I see ..." is all he says.  
You start the engine and he looks out the window.

You gently stroke Atsumu's cheek.  
"Hey we are here ..." you say quietly.  
Atsumu is slowly waking up. You try to smile at him. He takes your hand.  
"We arrived ..." you say quietly.  
He takes you wordlessly in his arms.  
"Please always tell me if I can do something .." Atsumu whispers and kisses your cheek.  
You nod and wipe your tears. “Don´t be afraid…it is not your fault” he continues.   
You loosen his embrace and get out the car.  
Your sister opens the door for you and cries. You cry and hug her, she keeps stroking your hair and it feels strange.   
"You brought your ex-boyfriend with you ...?" she asks, almost angry.  
"No, we're together - again ..."  
You are sure that Atsumu heard the conversation. Nevertheless, he greets your sister and carries your suitcases in.  
Your father also gives him a punishing look, before your take him in your arms.  
You just hope that you are able to go home soon.

Atsumu met your family once, when they were in town. Fascinated, he looks around, looks for your gaze and grins at you. You are so sorry, Atsumu must feel so unwelcome. The lump in your throat is getting bigger and bigger.

You decide to sit on the sofa, your sister sits down next to you and you are almost sure that this is the intention, so that Atsumu does not sit next to you.   
You are about to comment it, when Atsumu shakes his head slightly and takes a chair.  
After your father has served you tea, you talk over the timetable for the next few days.  
Tomorrow is the farewell at the open coffin, then she will be burned and on Saturday the funeral service is.  
It's incredibly exhausting, you have the feeling that the two of them are mad at you.  
You knead your hands nervously; you would like to hold Atsumu's hand.  
You rub your face. "I'm pretty exhausted, I would like to go to my room.." you finally say.   
"We also have to talk about your rape ..." says your sister provocatively. You take a deep breath.  
"Can't that wait?" you ask as well.

She glares at you. "Don't you think you have already waited long enough? ... All of this upset mom so much ..." her voice breaks off.   
Your heart contracts, you take a deep breath. "I didn't mean to upset anyone ..." you say softly.   
“But you did! You drew everyone's attention to yourself again, it's not enough that you suddenly play in a professional club, no, you once had a little sex with the wrong guy and put it as rape ... because she Attention is not enough ... "  
"That has nothing to do with attention !!!" you almost scream.   
Your name cuts the air.   
You look at Atsumu who looks at you admonishingly.   
Your father nods. "He's right. I don't think this is the right time to argue ... your mother wouldn't have wanted that." he says softly and leaves.  
Your sister follows him.

You drop back on the sofa and rub your face.  
Atsumu sits down next to you and puts his arm around your shoulder.  
"Be on my side for once!" you complain and get up.  
“I am always on your side….but I need to tell you when you are wrong…” Atsumu explain with calm voice.

You sigh. He's right. You hug him without a word and he presses you to his chest. "We schould bet-ter bring our things to my room," you say softly.  
You break away from him and he pulls you close again and kisses you.

Atsumu looks around smiling. "I've never been in a girl's room ..."   
You can´t help and look at him doubtfully.  
"I mean in a girl's room, in her parents' house ..." he adds.  
And you have to laugh.   
"You are cute ..." you tell him and he smiles.  
“Yeah, I´m your super cute husband….”  
You become calm again. “I´m really sorry about their behaviour…”  
Atsumu looks at you questionably. “Oh don´t be…”

"Yes, it's just not fair .."   
Atsumu sits on your bed. "I don't think anything about this situation is fair."   
You look at him and press your lips together.  
"Believe me, I'm used to it ... back in high school, I didn't have a lot of friends, even my team members didn't like me that much .." he explains.  
You look at him questioningly.  
"Was it your eternal smile?"you ask and sit down next to him.  
"Maybe ... or maybe the fact that I couldn´t accept, if someone couldn't hit my balls ..." Atsumu admits quietly.  
He lies down on bed and blinks, because of the sun.  
"Can I lie down on your stomach?" you ask pleading.  
He nods. "Just crawl on my belly till the sun goes down"

And this is how you do it.   
You lie there and Atsumu strokes your hair. "I didn't like you back then because of that ridiculous gesture with your hand before you serve."  
You feel the dark laugh in his chest.  
“Ridiculous gesture? This is necessary….I need silence….”  
You laugh. “Pah…It´s not the silence you need, you need to show off…”  
He shrugs his shoulders and kisses your temple.  
“Okay I can tell you…it is a great feeling to silent a whole crowd…. “ he admits.   
You laugh and slide your hand under his shirt to caress his belly.  
His hair starts to grow there.  
“Meanwhile I think you are incredibly hot when you are doing it….” You tell him quietly.  
“…. but one of the reasons, why I like it now , could be the fact that I saw your penis….and have some feelings for you either…”  
Atsumu laughs. “Yeah people who saw my penis are not allowed to call my behaviour ridiculous.”  
You join his laugh. “Well I think a lot of thinks we are doing are ridiculous…”  
Atsumu is getting serious again. "Do you mean our wedding?"   
You shake your head "It was a prerequisite for getting you back ... and there's nothing ridiculous about that. Thank you for being here with me."

Without answering, he kisses your forehead.   
Together you lie in your bed and watch the sun goes down. "I'm afraid I'll have to talk to my sister again ..."   
Atsumu hums in agreement. "She's grieving ... and she wants to be angry ... and she's angry with you, because it's easy ... just don't argue in front of your father, you two will go home someday, his life changes the most .. .and he doesn't seem, like he doesn't believe your story. "  
You sigh deeply. "But I can't now ..."  
Atsumu nods.   
"Do you want an orgasm?" he asks you.   
There is no excitement in his voice.   
It's just a question of a need.  
You nod carefully. "I'll do it with my fingers, okay? Then I can kiss you, if you're too loud." You nod in agreement and look at him gratefully.

Panting, you kiss Atsumu as he guides you through your orgasm. For a brief moment you feel good, you cling to his shirt and calm your breath.  
"Thank you," you whisper as Atsumu pulls his hand out of your panties.

The next morning the mood is more than tense. Your sister barely talks to you, all this tension in the air is killing you.  
You go to your room and open your suitcase.  
Atsumu caresses your head.  
"Say Atsumu, what do you wear when you look at your dead mother in a coffin?"  
Although your question is a little bit ironic, he takes it seriouse.  
He kneels down to you and searches your suitcase.  
"What do you think of that blouse and black jeans?" he says seriously.  
You nod gratefully and lean your head against his shoulder and cry.

You stare wordlessly at your mother's blue hands. Is it blue or is that already black? Whatever. It's terrible. You squeeze Atsumu's hand as tightly as you can. You feel your sisters hand searching for yours, you take it in yours and squeeze it.

Wordlessy, you sit in the garden and watch the birds jumping from branch to branch.   
Atsumu sits down next to you.  
"Your father is a nice man" he says and you look at him skeptically.  
"I don't think he's very nice to you."   
Atsumu shrugs his shoulders. "He cares about you ... and I don't think I like the idea of someone having sex with my daughter either." You smile and put your hand in his.

You put your head on his shoulder. "Maybe we should have a baby now?"  
Atsumu coughs, but contracts again. "You mean now, like in 9 months?"   
You nod but don't dare to look at him.   
He takes your hand. "Okay ... maybe this is a good idea ... but we should maybe wait another 2 months and if we still want that, we start right away, deal?"  
There is too much "maybe" in his statement,but you smile and nod. You like the thought, of having someone in your life, who loves you without arguing. 

"Did you see her fingers?" you ask Atsumu after a while.   
He nods. "Yes"  
"I think that was the worst, otherwise she looked like she was sleeping. Sleeping and wearing a lot of make-up. I think the decay process is well advanced. That's why her face looked so strange."  
Atsumu nods. “Yeah I thought the same…”

There is a lot of silence. But finally Atsumu asks.  
“ I am here for the first time, so what could we do? I think it isn´t the best choice to stay here the whole day…and it´s my wife hometown…so show me….”   
His voice sounds cheerful and that actually annoys you. You planned to have sex with him again but he is right. It´s his first time here, so you should show him some places.  
“Wanna see my High school?”  
He nods. “Definitely”   
"Then get ready for a run" 

You don't like to admit it, but Atsumu is right, the fresh air is good for you. You run ahead and the cold air that you pump into your lungs makes you feel alive.  
When you reach the next bigger city you turn into a street.   
You stop in front of a building.   
"It's actually unimaginable that I went here every day back then."  
Atsumu nods and wipes off his sweat. "Did your sister go to the same school?"  
You shake your head "No, I had a scholarship that´s why I was here… she went to a public high school ..."  
Atsumu laughs and puts his hands on his hips.  
"I didn't even have a scholarship," he laughs  
. You build yourself up in front of him.  
"What do you mean? With not even me?"  
He kisses the tip of you nose.” That I feel a little awe when I hear all of this ... and I'm very grateful that I can stand here with you ... "  
He wants to kiss you, but you evade him slightly, so that he kisses your cheek.  
"I don't know if I'm such a win ..." you mumble softly.   
Atsumu looks at you wordlessly and ignores your comment.   
"How often have you won the national championships?"  
You think about it. "Only 2 times ..."   
Atsumu rolls his eyes and then becomes still. "Unfortunately, I can't remember you, but Osamu can." he explains a little thoughtfully.

You cross your arms behind your head and make a thoughtful noise. "Yes, I also remember that I found Osamu a lot hotter than you ..."   
Atsumu gives an indignant laugh. "Oh I hope you are still satisfied that you now have twin B ..." You laugh and make a thoughtful sound. "Mhh, I have to put up with it," you say with a laugh and start running. Atsumu runs after you laughing.

You reach your family house out of breath but feeling a lot of better than before.   
You unlock the front door and enter. You take off your shoes and when you come into the living room your sister is already waiting for you. She stands in front of you with her arms crossed and looks at you reproachfully.

"A journalist called here and he wanted to speak to a woman with the name 'Miya'."   
You breathe calmly and swallow hard.   
"Can you explain to me why your name is apparently" Miya "? Even your club website says that."   
You know that lying isn’t an alternative now.   
"Listen ... I didn't want to tell you in this situation. There is no bad intention, I wanted to tell you right away ... but then it came up with mom. I married Atsumu. Alone. In the registry office."  
The anger raging in your sister cannot be overseen.  
"Did our mother mean so little to you that she couldn't even be there at your wedding? A wedding with a man we saw once? What will we find out next? Are you pregnant?"   
You have to fight the tears.  
"No, I'm not pregnant ..." you say resignedly and go into your room without a word. Again, you did something wrong.

You stand by the window and tears run down your face.   
Without turning around, you know that Atsumu has come into your room.  
You wipe away your tears and pull your tshirt over your head.  
You go to him and kiss him demanding. Put your hands on his neck and feel his still sweaty hair.   
He hesitantly returns your kiss.  
"What you are doing?" asks Atsumu and pushes you away slightly.  
"Sleep with me ..." you say and put his hands on your breasts.  
He says your name soothing. „We should talk first”  
“Yeah, you should tell me dirty things, you wanna do with me” you say in husky voice and press your lips against his.

You open your bra. “Please Atsumu, fuck me…I need it….I need you…”  
Atsumu looks at you with his penetrating gaze. Then he sighs and kisses you.  
More demanding you pull him towards your bed and pull your pants down.  
Atsumu lies down on top of you and pushes down his pants while he kisses you.  
Moaning you lean back and waiting for him to make you feel better.  
But nothing happens.   
You open your eyes and watch Atsumu who rubs his cock.   
You notice how you get angry.  
Moaning as hot as you can, you kiss him and put your hand around his cock. You start rubbing, but still nothing.   
You bite your lip; you feel anger take control.

"Sorry, I can't ... I'm sorry ..." he says and kisses you.   
"Seriously? You have to rub your cock now, when it comes to sleeping with me? You're never on my side and you can't fuck me anymore either?"  
You push Atsumu off of you.  
Angry you get up and get dressed. You are about to take a shower when a pillow hits you.   
"Are you fucking kidding me ?!" Atsumu's sharp voice cuts the air.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, thank you for your support!  
> Recommended song: Mumford & Sons - Broken Crown

“Don´t you see what I am doing?...For you?” his voice breaks and tears come up to his eyes.  
You look at him a little helpless.  
“I´m trying to give you as much space as possible, so many times I wanted to tell you, that you are wrong. But I kept calm, because you are suffering more than me. I slept with you so many times in a way I don´t like very much, because you asked me for it. Please believe me, I love having sex with you, but do you think this kind of sex is fun? Do you think I like the thought that you want me to hurt you?. Do you know the thin stripe under your tongue? It hurts because I ate you out as much as you wanted….I just want to feel you as good as possible in this situation….but somehow I can´t…. and just to let you know it, today was the first time I saw a dead person….I don´t expect you to think of me now, but you can´t forget that I am in a situation I´ve never been before. So I am so sorry that I´m not able to get hard, because I know you are suffering, I know your family is mad at me because I love you so much that I married you. I am able to see your problems…but do you see me?”  
You make your hand a fist and your jaw is working. You hear his words but you don´t want hear it.

"Well, maybe we should then annul the marriage? Or do we have to get a divorce already?"  
Atsumu looks at you in disbelief.  
"Nobody wants to get a divorce !!!! I'm ready to make you a child, although I don't want it, but if you want a child then I'll do it. Because you are my life, I can´t be without you anymore. And I never thought I'd say that, but I can't ... that's why I let you treat me like that”  
“If the way I treat you is so bad, why are you still here?”  
He looks at you and goes up to you. “What is your fucking problem? Why are you pushing me away like this?” he looks you straight in the eyes.

A big sob shakes your chest.  
“Because one day one of us is going to die and then the other one is alone again. Or you are going to leave me again. Just look at me I am just a mess…”  
Atsumu looks at you and his gaze is more doubting but it changes soon.  
You fall on your knees and cry.  
“Just look at me…I´m just a mess…. I´m pushing you away again, after I begged so much to get you back. On the day my mother died I was so happy, …I didn´t told her how much I loved her and I needed her. I wanted her to love you, just like I do. She died because she thought about me getting raped. It is all my fault. And you can´t love someone like me…because I am a horrible per-son. And I wanna have this child because if you die or if you leave me, I still have something. Or if I´d die, you still have something what reminds you on me……” you are crying load and desperate-ly.  
Atsumu kneels down in front of you and hugs you. He presses you to his chest and strokes your back.  
“It is not your fault. The driver of the other car was drunken…you know that. It was not your fault.”  
You sob and look at him “ But what if she could react better, if she wasn´t thinking of me”  
The eyes of Astumu are full of tears. “ You don´t know if it was this way… your sister just wanted to hurt you…she is really mean…and I am afraid to say something, because I think you´ll just get more trouble…”

You hug Atsumu desperately and what escapes your throat sounds more like the scream of a dying animal than your voice. Atsumu holds you tight. "I can´t and won´t leave you, we just try not to die for the next two years and then we will make a family ... now you are my family ... the most im-portant part of my family..I´m so sorry that I needed to bring this topic up" he whispers and kisses your cheek.  
“No I´m sorry that I´m craving for much… I didn´t know that it was your first time too. Please don´t leave me…I´ll do it better, being a better wife and partner, since we know each other I´m just trouble…and you did so much for me and someday I´ll be better…”  
Atsumu interrupts your speech by kissing you. “For me you are perfect…”  
Thankfully you lean your head against his shoulder. He pulls you up and carries you onto your bed.  
“I´ve never cried in front of someone like I do, when you are around” he mumbles into your hair.  
“I´ve never loved someone like I love you….” You say and caress Astumus hair who lies on top of you.  
He smiles and kisses you. “They will calm down” he whispers.”…And in the end we are a family now… I don´t know why I´m telling it to you again and again…but it´s some kind of relieving, but I´ve never thought that I could do this…having an own family…”  
You are not sure, if he is talking to you or himself.  
Anyway, laughing you pull him down for a kiss. 

You breathe out audibly.  
“We should do something…” you say.  
Atsumu grins. “I don´t know…maybe it will work now…” he shurgs.  
You shake your head grining. “No, we are going to do this later, with a little more love and all this romantic stuff you love so much…” you tease him.  
He laughs and becomes serious again. “Surprisingly, I really like doing those things with you…”  
You smile and get out of bed to put on your clothes again. “You should get dressed too”  
Atsumu looks at you and pulls is shirt over his head.  
You take his hand and you guide him to the living room, where your father is watching Tv.  
You two sit down at the couch.  
“Papa, I need to tell you something…”you say and you feel the lump in your chest “..We got mar-ried some days ago…we didn´t tell it to anyone, because we wanted to do this alone…and maybe it sounds completely crazy…but it felt right…and still feels right…I … We didn´t mean to hurt someone. We just….”  
“You don´t need to explain something….” Your father says and clears his throat. 

"Your mother and I did the same thing back then ... just the two of us ... and that was good ... eve-rything is just a little bit much ..." your father explains.  
Then he gets up and extends Atsumu's hand. "I am happy to see you in our family and that my daughter has such a decent guy as you by her side. I am so sorry that our family is a bit chaotic at the moment .."  
This is an absolutely relieving moment.  
Your father leaves the living room and gets something from the kitchen. You look at Atsumu happi-er than usual and he kisses your forehead.  
Your father comes back with a bottle of wine.  
"I would feel uncomfortable drinking champagne now, but we should have toast with wine, your mother would have wanted that."  
It's the first time in a long while that you're relatively relaxed.  
You talk a long time. Atsumu and you tell the story of the last week and how you got married. And your father has to laugh much and it feels good.  
"What an original wedding day"  
Atsumu laughs. "Yes, we will definitely celebrate again bigger ..."  
Excitedly you stop Atsumu.  
"Do you want to see the ring? I'll get it ..." without waiting for an answer you run to your room and come back with the ring.  
With a huge smile you present your ring and earn the expected reaction.  
Your father pulls a pout and nods appreciative.  
You smile anyway and put the ring on your finger again.

The next days are exhausting. A lot of relatives your haven´t seen in a long time come to see your family. And everyone is not tired of telling you, that you never visit.  
“They forget the fact that I´m writing Christmas cards every year…” you murmur to Atsumu and he laughs.  
The funereal is more or less okay. Mayu and Osamu come to support you, but Atsumu is your big-gest support anyway. He changed so much. He always looks for you needs, never tells you what you should do, you always have a choice.  
Thankfully you take his hand 

In the evening after all the people went home you sit in the garden with a glass of wine and watch the sun goes down.  
You lean you arm on your leg and take a breath. A hand lies on your shoulder an you are sure it´s Atsumu.  
But as you turn around you see in the eyes of you sister. She squeezes your shoulder and sits down next to you.  
Without a word you give her the wine bottle. She fills herself a glass and sighs.  
“So…married?” she finally says.  
You nod and look at the sun. “Yes….”  
“I have to admit that he is a nice guy…”  
You nod again and take a sip of wine. “ I know…”  
“He seems to support you in every way…”  
You nod again.  
“You need to give me a little more than a nod”  
You empty your glass and glare at her.  
“Well, I don´t really know what to say, because I got your hate since I arrived here…”  
Your sister watches you wordlessly.  
“Well how would you react, if I tell you that I´m married? Without telling you a word? I didn´t even know that you are a couple again. The last time I heard of him, you lied on your bed suffering.  
And than you came here with him and to take the cake, a journalist told me that you are married…”  
You nod slowly again and poor yourself another glas of wine.  
“I understand…I´m sorry…I should have told you…but I didn´t know how…”  
Your sister huffs.  
You look at the white liquid in your glass.  
“Well… can you imagine how hard it is, to deal with the fact that my mother died on my wedding day?” to speak it out loud brings tears up in your eyes again.  
You sister watches you and takes your hand. “I didn´t know…”  
You shake your head. “How could you? And I´m feeling so guilty, that I had one of the best days of my life, while my mother died…”  
She sighs and squeezes your hand.  
“Well…you didn´t know and you didn´t do it on propose, so it´s some kind of destiny… To be honest I´m just pissed because I wanted to be there, with Dad….and Mom…” her voice breaks up and you squeeze her hand.  
“I know…but it was important for us to do it alone… and we are going to celebrate it again. And I´d be happy, if we would buy my dress together….” You say with calm voice.  
She hugs you. “That would make me really happy…”  
You sit there and she leans her head against your shoulder. “It was good that you weren´t here…You have been through enough other stuff…I´m sorry for what I said about your rape…I was just upset…”  
You hum in agreement. “Yeah that wasn´t really nice…”  
She sips her wine and you are watching her.  
“Why did you never say something?”  
You sigh. “…Because I was ashamed… I don´t know…I had a lot of problems because of that… It's not just that someone took something from me that wasn't allowed ... I wasn´t really able to trust men… and never wanted to be with someone…”  
You sister nods. “Yeah, we were always wondering, why you never had a real boyfriend, although you stopped playing Volleyball…but I think you stopped Volleyball because of that…”

The wind blows lightly through your hair and the autumn air gets cold.  
“I wasn´t able to have sex…for a long time…”  
You decided that she deserves the whole truth.  
She turns her head a little more in your direction.  
“Was that the reason, why you broke up first?”  
You shake your head. “No, Atsumu was great…patient and always looking for other ways to make me happy ... he was just wonderful ... "  
Your sister laughs and you look at her confused.  
“I always thought that Atsumu is a selfish bastard…”  
You understand what she wants to say and smile. “Yes, he surely is… but when it comes to me…I don´t know….he would do so much for me”  
She leans back and watches the clouds.  
“Maybe it is because he loves you the way you deserve it…I was watching you both closely…he would do everything for you…he looks at you with the eyes of love… and so you do…Ahh…I´m kind of jealous…”she admits grinning.  
You roll your eyes. “ Sometimes is being a wife very exhausting…”  
She laughs out load. “ You are a wife for a week….”  
You sip your wine. “See... it´s hard work…but it is worth…”

You lean back next to her. It´s like you were kids again.  
“You should talk about your vaginismus ... it's a serious topic, I'm doing research on it for my thesis ...” she says and touches your leg.  
“…Vaginismus…” you repeat the word. It never has a word. It was always the fact, that you were not able to sleep with Atsumu.  
“Yes…it happens to a lot of woman, who were raped or had bad experience…I would like to talk to someone, who was affected by it….” She says almost begging.  
You need to smile.  
“Feel free to ask me everything…And I could talk to Atsumu. For sure he is going to answer your questions too, if I´ll tell him that’s okay…”  
She takes your hand excitedly. "Oh, would you ask him? That would be so good to hear another side ..."  
You look at her in surprise. "Sure ..."  
"Are you completely insane? It's autumn! Get up from the ground" Your father's voice makes you flinch.  
You roll your eyes in sync and get up.

Atsumu is standing in the kitchen and doing mysterious things. You hug him and set a kiss on his neck.  
“You are cooking?” you ask and lean your head against his back.  
He laughs. “ I want to do something…and you were busy talking to your sister…. Have you been able to sort out the situation?”  
You nod and press yourself a little closer to him. “Yeah….everything is fine again…I just need to buy a real wedding dress” you admit quietly.  
Atsumu stops stirring the pot, turns to you and puts his arms around you.  
"Well, I was hoping you would ..." he says smiling and kisses you.  
Thankfully, you return the kiss and then hug him again. "Thank you for being there..."  
Atsumu puts his cheek on your head. "I don't want to be anywhere else ..."  
You look up and he caresses your cheek.  
You sigh "The season starts tomorrow, if you take the car you can be home on time for the game tomorrow."  
You look him in the eye to show how serious you are. He holds your gaze. "You are my home ... the Jackels have another setter ... not as brilliant as me, but it will work ..."  
You have to smile.  
Moved you pull him to you and kiss him again.  
"Love me later, okay?" you whisper as you easily break away from him.  
"It smells burnt!" your sister's voice echoes through the house.  
After dinner you sit together for a long time and talk. If the occasion weren't so sad, it would be a great evening. With good food and a lot of laughing.

When you close the door behind Atsumu and you, it is well after midnight.  
He drops on your bed and laughs. “What a strange situation… the evening was nice, despite the circumstances.”  
You nod. “Yes, they really like you…and you keeping the mood up…”  
He strokes your back. “You are so strong…I knew I got a strong wife…but you are even strong-er…”  
You crawl on his lap and stroke his blond hair out of his face. “You made me strong…and by the way you need to talk about my vaginismus with my sister” you say smiling.  
“Vaginismus….” He repeats the word, like you did before.  
You nod. “Yes she needs information’s for her studies and if we are able to help her, why shouldn´t we do this?”  
He nods. “I agree, but it never had a word…”  
“We never needed one….we just needed us…” you say and kiss him.  
Atsumu smiles and returns your kiss.  
Slightly you push your tongue in his mouth.  
He hesitates and bites his lower lip.  
"We don't have to do this ..."  
You laugh softly.  
"I love you ... and I want you to touch me .." you whisper while stroking his hair.

Atsumu kisses you again, long and tense. You guide your hands under his shirt and push it up slow-ly.  
He frees himself from the shirt and you run your hands over his shoulder blades. You can feel the muscles in his upper body working as he presses his lips against yours again.  
Moaning you press yourself closer to him.  
You feel his erection through his pants, but you are not hasty. You take the time to kiss and be close to each other.  
Slowly he removes the clothes from your body, until you are naked on his lap.  
He touches your breasts lightly. “You are so beautiful…my beauty…my wife…it still feels like a dream to call you like this…”  
You giggle quietly. “Yeah…I know what you mean…”

Your hands go down to his belt and start to take of the rest of his clothes. When you got Atsumu naked, you kiss him again.  
“You need to be quiet….” You mumble against his lips.  
Atsumu laughs and kisses your jaw.  
“Don´t you think that I am the quieter one?” he asks grinning.  
You raise your eyebrow.  
“I am taking the lead…” you tell him and push him on his back.  
His hard cock already touches the skin of your ass.  
You slide back, lift your pelvis, and it's like his cock finds your entrance on its own.  
Atsumu's hands rest on your hips and you both breathe in sync.  
"Feels Good?" you tease when he's all inside you.  
He has to laugh at your question and collects himself.  
"Feels okay ..." he teases you back. You laugh and run your hands over his muscular torso to his shoulders and lean down to him.  
“Maybe I should move my hips a little, to comfort you a little more…” you whisper before you kiss him.  
"I beg you to do that ..." he whispers back and pushes his tongue into your mouth demanding.  
Grinning, you straighten up again and support yourself on his thighs. Slowly start moving your pel-vis up and down.  
Atsumu's eyes wander from his dick, which is getting wetter and wetter, over your body, up to your eyes. “This sight is so incredibly hot…” he tells you with husky voice.  
You laugh softly and increase your pace.  
Atsumu's hands stroke the sides of your body, supporting your movements until he finally begins to massage your clitoris with his thumb.  
With a low moan, you lean your head back. You close your eyes and concentrate on your move-ments. You have struggle not to moan when Atsumu's cock touches the points in you that make you gasp. You slow down your movements.  
Atsumu laughs. “No chance, honey” he tells you and pulls you down.  
He kisses you and starts fucking you from below.  
You moan into his mouth, when you feel him close his hands behind your back and clutch you.  
With a deep moan, you cling to his shoulders. He holds on to your buttocks and builds up a constant rhythm. You keep pressing your lips against his cheek and trying to kiss him.  
He hits your sensitive points again and again and at some point, you can no longer supress your moaning. You press your lips together and come with a silent scream.  
Atsumu laughs beneath you. “See, I am good as always you are marching to my tune…and it turns me on even more…” 

You roll your eyes and without another word, Atsumu turns you on your back and runs his hands down your sides.  
"You are all I want ... I'm so close ... hold my hand while I come into your wet pussy ..." he takes your hand to hold it.

You nervously pull Atsumu's arm. He grins at you and continues his call. You roll your eyes an-noyed. Atsumu lets go of your hand and covers the other ear. You put your hands on your hips and look at him punishingly.  
He ends the conversation and comes to you to kiss you. "Do you have to call now?"  
He smiles and kisses you again. "I promised you that I would build a house ... and it should be ready when our baby arrives ..."  
You roll your eyes laughing.  
"I'm not even pregnant yet ..."  
He laughs again and raises your hat. "It's just a question of time .."  
You look at him in disbelief.  
"Aren't you nervous? We're here at the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games and you are on the phone with your architect?"  
You see in Atsumu's omniscient smile. "Of course I'm nervous, but you're with me ... the strongest woman in the world ... and we both made it to the Olympics ... and even in that ridiculous uniform you're beautiful ... and you are the backbone of your team ... I couldn't be prouder "  
You kiss him grinning. "I'm proud of you too, even though you're only the pinch server ..." you say ironically.  
Atsumu hits your shoulder. "Ey ..."  
"I'm really proud of you ... you are so much more than a superficial smile ... you are my pillar even after all these years ... and I am grateful that you are with me… ... and I am allowed to love you ... "  
Atsumu clears his throat. "Don't say something emotional if I have to look gorgeous ... "  
You roll your eyes and want to go.  
"Hey, I love you ..." he holds you back.  
You turn around "I know ..." you say and wink.  
Without a word he takes your hand and kisses it.  
"Stay with me," he says softly.  
You grin at him whisper.  
"Forever"


End file.
